THESE REALLY WORK!National Buffoon continues it's fine tradition of offering insightful hints to deter conflict and promote domestic harmony. It has become one of our least popular features. Let Harlotta's amazing simple home remedies improve and simplify your life.
1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF
2. YOU CAN AVOID ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE TOILET SEAT WHEN VISITING - USE THEIR SINK.
3. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO YELL "BRAKES 'R OUT!" AS YOU SPEED THROUGH RED LIGHTS. NOT ONLY IS THIS COURTEOUS, BUT IT CAN GET YOU OUT OF TRAFFIC FINES.
4. ALWAYS WEAR A FAKE MUSTACHE. AND BY ALL MEANS KEEP A BANANA IN YOUR POCKET SO WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU CAN SAY YES AND SHOW THEM!
6. YOU CAN USE A MICROWAVE TO REMOVE LEG HAIR. PUT YOUR LEGS IN ON HIGH AND JUST WATCH THE HAIR FALL OUT. YOU'LL BE AMAZED.
7. REMOVE BLOOD STAINS ON YOUR CLOTHES BY BATHING IN HYDROGEN PEROXIDE, IT WORKS EVERY TIME. BE CAREFUL TO HIDE THE BODY THOUGH. DON'T LEAVE IT ON YOUR LAWN OR IN THE BACK SEAT OF YOUR CAR.
8. CLEAN HOUSEHOLD ITEMS LIKE ARTIFICIAL FLOWERS BY STICKING THEM IN A BAG OF SALT AND SHAKING. THIS IS VERY EFFECTIVE AT REMOVING DUST AND CRUD. THEN STICK THE SALT BACK IN A SHAKER AND GIVE IT TO SOMEONE FOR A GIFT!
9. TO PREVENT FOOD FROM BURNING AND STICKING TO PANS, SIMPLY EAT OUT EVERY NIGHT.
10. IF YOUR UNSURE ABOUT THE FRESHNESS OF AN EGG EAT IT, IF YOU FEEL BAD AFTERWARDS YOU PROBABLY HAVE A BAD EGG THERE.
11. ALKASELTZER IS A GREAT CLEANER. PUT YOUR JEWELRY, VASES, THERMOS ETC. IN THE TOILET AND DROP A TABLET IN THEY WILL ALL BE CLEANED AT ONCE.
12. TO STOP THE ITCH FROM A MOSQUITO BITE PLACE THE AFFLICTED AREA IN A VAT OF BATTERY ACID.
13. DON'T THROW AWAY THOSE SEVERED HEADS. YOU CAN USE THEM AS CAKE DECORATING BAGS, OR CONTAINERS TO MIX DEVILED EGGS....JUST SQUEEZE THE CHEEKS TO DISTRIBUTE THE MIXTURE.
14. DID YOU KNOW DRINKING 2 GLASSES OF CLOROX ELIMINATES HEADACHE PAIN?
15. KEEP PERISHABLE ITEMS IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR LONG ENOUGH, AND THE EXPIRATION DATE WILL FADE AWAY RENDERING THE ITEM SAFE TO EAT.
16. ALWAYS USE SOMEONE ELSE'S TOOTHBRUSH TO SAVE MONEY ON TOILET PAPER.
SAVE A TREE!
17. ALWAYS USE A CRAPPY WEAK KNIFE WHEN CHOPPING RAW CARROTS SO THE BLADE SNAPS INTO YOUR HAND THEN USE THE PART STICKING THROUGH TO CHOP ONIONS. LET THE JUICE GET INTO THE NEW CUT. NEXT CHOP A CHILLI PEPPER, WHEN YOUR EYES STING FROM THE ONION FUMES RUB THEM. PLACE THE CHOPPED UP MESS IN A POT AND FORGET TO HEAT THEM . WONDER WHY IT'S NOT WARMING UP AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES AND THROW THE WHOLE THING IN THE GARBAGE.
18. REMEMBER THAT DIRT AND GRIME THAT ACCUMULATES ON WINDOWS AND SCREENS HELP FILTER OUT HARMFUL UV RAYS, NEVER REMOVE IT!
19. REMEMBER, EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES, NEVER MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO LAUGH AT THEM!
20. TIME IS MONEY, SAVE TIME BY NOT READING THIS ARTICLE.
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