Gimme Dat Old Time Religion

Give me that old time religion
Tis the old time religion,
Tis the old time religion,
And it's good enough for me.

It was good for our mothers.
It was good for our mothers.
It was good for our mothers.
And it's good enough for me.



It has saved our fathers.
It has saved our fathers.
It has saved our fathers.
And it's good enough for me.


It will do when I am dying.
It will do when I am dying.
It will do when I am dying.
And it's good enough for me......

Give me that old time religion
Tis the old time religion,
Tis the old time religion,
And it's good enough for me.

It will take us all to heaven.
It will take us all to heaven.
It will take us all to heaven.
And it's good enough for me.......

When the legality of torture began being discussed here in the U.S.
I wondered where the religious organizations objections were.
It seemed to me they would be aghast at such practices,
but a little perusal of history gave reason for pause.
And the deafening silence.
As we hear the cries of unfairness today,
the alleged war against Christmas,
the notion that Christians in particular are persecuted
by church -state separation issues,
that science is the devil,
or that religion belongs in government
or science classrooms - let's have a look at how,
in days before the age of enlightenment
religious discrepancies were handled.

Heretic’s fork
Resistance is futile.
One end of this device was pushed under the chin, the other into the sternum,
with the strap securing this torture tool to the victim’s neck.
Immobilized and in great pain,
the victim will have to somehow speak the Latin word
“abiuro” (I recant),
or they end up being hanged or burned at the stake.

"Love one another." John 4:7-8, 4:16

As soon as Christianity had achieved ascendancy in the 4th century C.E., torture to aid "education" of theological positions was widely used, particularly against women, who "had their breasts crushed or scorched," were beaten with thorn clubs, and were compelled to sit on heated iron plates (McCabe, A Rationalist Encyclopaedia, 1948, pp. 587-89).
Torture leading to death was practiced on increasing hordes of victims as the centuries passed, culminating in the condemnation of 20,000 women by Benedict Carpzov, a Leipzig professor in the 17th century. The Spanish Inquisition added hundreds of thousands to the total, in tortures detailed in George William Foote and Joseph Mazzini Wheeler's Crimes of Christianity, and Eugene Montague Macdonald's History of the Inquisition.


God will "smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion" and "will discover their secret parts" since he doesn't like the way they dress and walk. Isaiah 3:16-17


Breast Ripper
Women condemned as heretics, or blasphemers had their breasts ripped out using this device.


Gimme Dat Ol Time Religion Boy! Real nice.
If you can't win them over by reasoned argument, and baffling them with bull ain't cutting the mustard, well we have ways of making you conform.
In the Old Testament,
after God takes away the women's jewelry and perfume, "discovers their secret parts," and makes them all bald and stinking, he'll kill their husbands. Women will then become so desperate that "seven women will take hold of one man, saying ... let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach." Isaiah 4:1
I guess there was some inspiration for torture there...

Crocodile Shears
Of course torture wasn't limited to females, though it was easy to accuse them of being witches.
And apparently a simple matter to determine their guilt. Throwing them in the water and if they float they are guilty of being witches, of course if they drowned they were innocent but what the hell, at least they weren't tortured wrongfully.
These Shears were used on men.
Now imagine having a hot date with this device,
which is actually an iron pincer with semi-cylindrical blades
that form a long narrow tube when closed together.
Teeth or spikes lined the inside of the blades,
which are first heated until red-hot before being clamped on the victim’s penis.
When his sex organ is “cooked” enough, it is then torn out from his body.
Hot dogs anyone?

The Lead Sprinkler

This tool, a holy water sprinkler re-design, was filled with either molten lead, tar, boiling oil or boiling water, then used to bless its victims by dripping its contents on their stomach, back and other body parts. Confess or we gouge out your eyeball!

Was this "persuasion" confined to Europe?
In the Colonies, Massachusetts imposed the death penalty on Nov. 4, 1646, for anyone denying the divine inspiration of the bible.
In 1692, deaf octogenarian Giles Cory, accused of witchcraft was crushed to death because he could not understand questions asked him by puritan leadership. Twenty-one other accused witches were hanged or died in prison in Salem, Mass., where two centuries later the founder of Christian Science, Mary Ann Morse Baker Glover Patterson Eddy, brought up one of her disaffected followers on yet another charge of witchcraft, according to her biographers Willa Cather and Georgine Milmine.

A dozen years later, various physical mutilations were prescribed for Quakers who would not desist from preaching. It was not an idle threat: on Oct. 27, 1659, the first in a series of Quakers was hanged on Boston Common for violating that law.

So much for religious freedom. It appears the atheists and deists who eloquently installed religious freedom in the Constitution saved these pious people from dogmatic extermination of each other.

The Pear

Used on alleged sodomites, adulterers, and those accused of incest, heresy, blasphemy or sexual union with Satan (Really?) in medieval Europe. This intricately-decorated device inserted into the mouth, rectum or vagina guaranteed swift salvation . A screw mechanism then makes its pointed “leaves” expand while inside any of those orifices, resulting in severe internal mutilation.

These folks perhaps overlooked Lev.19:18: "Love thy neighbor as thyself." (Either that or they were REALLY into some strange sadomasochism.) They also seemed to have forgotten "Blessed are the merciful" in Mathew 5:7.


Prayer Shackles

One way to convert those atheists and heretics!


The Rack

An always popular retreat for the dissident and the skeptic alike.
This early attempt at faith chiropractics was designed to dislocate every single joint in the body. Tied across the device’s board by the ankles and wrists, the victim’s body is then pulled in opposite directions by turning rollers at either end of the board.

"Live peaceably with all men." Romans 12:18


The Catherine Wheel

The convertee is tied to the side of the wheel, then gets every bone in his body shattered one by one by an executioner using a hammer or an iron bar. Victims of this form of torture often took hours, or even days to die. Some were fortunate enough to be granted “mercy”
( fatal blows to the chest or stomach).

"For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice." Hosea 6:6

Iron Maiden

Not the metal band. The interior of this device is lined with strategically-placed sharp objects that is intended to torture an infidel or freethinker unlucky enough to be put inside it.
These spikes impaled the victim in the eyes, the chest and the back, but usually missed vital organs, so as to leave the victim bleeding profusely and in great pain but still alive for a while anyway.

God will not forgive us unless we shed the blood of some innocent creature!
Hebrews 9:13-14, 22


The Judas Chair

The Judas Chair, also known as the Judas Cradle.
Non believers were hoisted up by rope or chain and then made to sit on the tip of the pyramid shaped device. You get the point?
"He that goeth down to the grave shall come up no more." Job 7:7-9

Give me that old time religion
Tis the old time religion,
Tis the old time religion,
And it's good enough for me.

No Thank you.