God Awful Xmas Card Photos

Now that we've consumed enough egg nog and cheer let's have a look at those embarrassing photos that people have sent as holiday greetings. Here they are, in all their er, uh, ...glory.
The worst Xmas Photo Cards ever.
EVER!

The Good, The Bad, & The Medicated

Uncle Ferd sure is proud of his new toilet seat.
Of course he received it because Santa knew
he was full of it.

I don't know about panhandling on a greeting card...
or is this the new singing sensation "The Four Clods"?

Now this is "cheery" isn't it?
Happy Holidays and pass the pills.

Careful about where you hang that mistletoe...
If you have opossums running loose in your house,
why not put that on a greeting card?
Maybe someone will give you a new door without holes as a gift...
maybe....

Ghostbuster Xmas?
"I ain't afraid of no Holy Ghost"!


Ok, you'd be pissed too.
That's worse than the pink bunny suit from "A Christmas Story".
Let's put the "diss" in dysfunctional !
Preserve the indignity for posterity.
Why not?

Young Randy here is proud of the Xmas Shrub his dad chopped down
from in front of his neighbor's house.

WTF?
The baby is obviously the only sensible person here in this photo.
Dad needs an emergency chiropractor...
or is some type of amateur carnival contortionist.

Greetings from the Clown Family!
Geesh...that really is a pink bunny suit...

Remember folks-

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

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Crappy Holidaze

The season is upon us, Won't matter if you fight it.
No bloody Xmas poems this year, no inspiration to write it.

I rack my brain for pleasantries to type upon some paper
But all that can be mustered is faded memes and vapors.



Seems there was a time when this was all a blast.
But now it's all behind us and we're "Living in the Past."

We used to go to weddings, football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes, and after funeral brunches.



We used to have some parties, hangovers filled with pain.
Now we have body aches ,depression, and Rogaine.

We used to travel to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses from riding in the car.

This is true and it is so, the tale it has been told
you ain't getting better, your just getting old.


We used to send out greetings that were warm and true.
At least there is some comfort, It's something we still do.

Wishing you and yours a happy holiday!
Health, Wealth and Happiness let nothing you dismay,
Hope neither of us bites the bullet
Before this Xmas day!

Remember folks-

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

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Santa's Steaks And Chops

Well it all started when old Father Christmas was surfing the web. He uses web cams to to peep in on the boys and girls these days to see who is naughty or nice. When what to his wandering eyes should appear? Why The National Buffoon of course, Santa was horrified at first but could not stop reading it..next thing you know he became addicted to reading the site.

Santa decided he would expand his meat business.
Why settle for merely peddling tainted meat from the back of his van?
Not when he could warm it up and sell it in a restaurant at quadruple the quadruped price!

Where does Santa put his gravy?
Why on Dasher, on dancer, on Donner, and Blitzen of course!


So he opened "Santa's Chops & Steaks"
Serving the finest game and roadkill in the great white north!

Today's special is Prancer Tartar!

"So come on up to Santa's Chops & Steaks, home of the 2.99 fried reindeer!
And Don't forget to try my New England Style Cat Chowder!
It's thick and chunky! "

So bring the whole family!
We have Poker in the back,
and liquor in the front.

Mrs. Clause has a package for all you naughty boys in the back.
Don't forget to tip!

Of course Santa still keeps his day job.
And a great deal of tradition and preparation is involved.

After enjoying his holiday ham, Kringle has to buckle down to the business of
disciplining all the naughty girls.

There is no shortage of naughty girls so Santa stays very busy.
Here he is at his workshop.

Of course Santa chopped up all the elves and served them in his restaurant.
Replacing them with child labor in Vietnamese sweatshops.

In the magic hours before he delivers his goods on Christmas eve,
He exposes himself to holiday shoppers all over the planet!

Then he fondles your mother.

Finally, in the wee hours before you wake up on Xmas morn,
he scours the nearby dumpsters and leaves what he finds under your tree!

Then when it's all over, he goes home, rolls a fatty,
and rides his bike...it's a Holly Davidson.

The staff of the National Buffoon
wish you and yours a very happy holiday!
But watch out for our editor...he's hiding in your tree!

Ho Ho Ho!

Remember folks-

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

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