ROVE TAKES NEW POSITION IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR

Rove bids the American public whom he served a fond farewell

Washington D.C., amalgamated press -Political villain Carl Rove, known as "Bush's Brain' ( and we all know where his brain is located) resigned in an effort to escape prosecution amid calls for a lobotomy earlier this week. His new corporate position at Pilsbury begins immediately at an undisclosed salary.

If this thing pops out of your popin' fresh dough container,
toss it in a 450 degree oven immediately!

Rove was not removed forcefully from his White House Cabinet position
to take the heat off the other criminals still holed up inside.


In a related story, The White House has denied the rumor that
Vice President Dick Cheney has been recovering from brain surgery

"Look, just because I shot some rich lawyer clown in the face repeatedly with buckshot
doesn't necessarily mean I'm a dangerous sociopath.
The truth is, I got these stitches after I accidentally cut my head on the guillotine I have
in my torture chamber in the basement of the Vice Presidential Mansion.
And while I'm at it, I would just like to say to whoever on my staff took that jar with a frontal lobe in it in formaldehyde off my desk: that's not very funny."
Mr Cheney then got down on all fours and began barking like a dog.



In yet another related story The white House continues to deny
that Homeland Scrutiny Director Michael Chertoff is a blood sucking vampire.

Chertoff was asked why a roller skating rink in Poonrut, Kansas got the same amount of anti terrorist money as the entire state of New York.


The press conference ended abruptly when Helen Thomas held up a crucifix.


Home Scrutiny Director Michael Chertoff then returned to his office
after collecting bribes from various enemies of the state and feasting on the blood of virgins.

Who Are The Bush Base?

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NATIONAL BUFFOON EXCLUSIVE REPORT:
BUSH'S BASE : Who Are These People?

With the presidential approval rating at an all time low,
and the credibility of the executive branch considered dubious at best-
particularly after the administration's recent announcement that Osama bin Laden narrowly eluded capture by an elite Special Forces unit led by
Wile E. Coyote, Yogi Bear, and Mr. Ranger.
A numbed nation sat in a catatonic stupor
as Pentagon sources confirmed
that Mr. Coyote was indeed one of several animated agents
who have been recruited to help force the will of
multinational corporations on stone age cultures around the world.
National Buffoon investigators have learned that
Sgt. Yogi Bear also had the elusive 7 ft tall terrorist on a dialysis machine
in his gun sight a month ago but was distracted by
an insurgent's pic- a- nic basket
according to Mr. Ranger, his commanding officer.
National Buffoon's Washington correspondent
Kent Clark went undercover
to interview the Bush faithful.
What makes this group tick?
What drives them to be so vocal and the rest of us to drink?
National Buffoon takes a look at
these few remaining supporters
wreaking havoc on the environment
with their constant release of hot air.
These are the people who would vote for him
without the aid of Diebold machines
even as he ransacked their homes,
killed their pets, and urinated on their floors.
Who Are These People? Indicting minds want to know!


I. Bin Brainwashed
Connedquiteeasy, Pa.
former steel factory owner
"Saddam caused 9/11...has wmds...
Give country to Mexicans... God is a pro corporate business republican
who hates gun control, lazy american workers, & 'dem homos...
Bush not moron... Bush good!"




Annie Eyesore III
Smogburns, Texas
Oil Heiress
"Ya might as well jest gimme all your money now
' ya pathetic tree humpin' liberals.
You been holdin' back daddy's company fer 2 long.... Now your gonna git it!!!!
Unca Dick sez dat we gonna keep Iraqi oil off da market till dem barrels are 500 bucks.
Ha Ha
Thanks Unca George!




Ook and Mook Oops
Yuma Guma, Arizona
Hunter - Gatherers
"Ug, look... fire come from tiny box!"




Mrs. Anita Enema
Severelyretarded, Fla.
Fanatic Christian right pamphlet distributor
"Watch Hannity yup watch Hannity gotta watch Hannity...."
Clanliness is next ta godliness...
Gonna bring on dat rupture thang uh yup yup.
There's some Jews hidin under my house I tell ya
they're just a waitin' fer Jesus ta come by so dey kin convert 'em.
Hey Rush, how much are you payin' dis week fer dem Oxys?
I need to raise some cash to pay for that image of Jesus
on a piece of toast I bought on e- bay last month.








Thor Higherthanallhell
Crack Town, Kentucky
In the distribution business
"Cough, hack, wow, go away man...
My boss pays me to vote fer republicans.
They're pro "business" if you know what I mean.
he gets his inventory direct from CIA black ops guys.
Cough, hack, righteous! "










Slosho Hammered
Whiskey Trail, Missouri
alcoholic
"Hic, yous knows erp I vote for whoever buys me Hic a bottle,buurrrpp."




Peter Puller
Wadstown, Ohio
lives in mothers basement
"Ma told me this would happen if I kept yankin it... geez."




Stark Ravincrazy
The home for the criminally insane, Baltimore, Maryland
Serial Killer "God told me to strangle my family,
machine gun a fast food joint, & vote for bush."



Bill O Really?
Lala Land
Windbag
"Clinton's Fault, (Geez I'd like to loompha that Greta Van Whatsername...) yup"






Luvmeinfuher
Latrine, Alabama
Dental Hygienist
" I cain't read but I thigkt I vuted fer 'em.
I ment ta vute fer David Duke, he's ma luver and ma cuzin.
(and ma granpaw). But Bush is just as good, YUP!"
I hates dem libs what Ann Coulter knows about.



Sean Hannity
Hooligan Skids, N.Y.
self-aggrandizing fascist tool
"After flunkin out of skool Ol' Jerry Falwell
gave me an honorary degree from his joint.
So let that be a lesson to all you kids out there.
You don't have to study no heathen science,
read no left wing text books or nothin' !
Just tow the line for bloated corporatist fascists
and intolerant ignoramus types and you'll go far.
I'm ready for my close up Mr. Ailes, I put dem fishnet stockings on just like you asked.....
Of course they do pay me to support the regime.
What's today's propagan...er.. I mean talking points Mr. Murdoch?"




Brutus Pain
Reemaway, N.J.
Pharmaceutical Sales, Amateur Surgeon
"Ha Ha Ho Ho He He..."





E. Silly Duped
plushytown, Con-necticut,
Professional of some sort
"I believed when Bush said he was going to take care of the wealthy
he meant people like me making 100,000 a year or so.
I think I'm in his elitist club but they laugh at me when I'm not looking.
I sure appreciated that 300 bucks he gave me as a bribe to look the other way
when he gave his corpulently wealthy cronies 350,000."




Goose Stepping Brownshirts
Everywhere
Para Military Wanabes
"We always go in for this sort of thing."
"All Heil Der Deciderer"





A. Jackass
Dumpsville, Virginia
Organic Fertilizer Specialist
"Hee Haw"