President Bush Signs
New Element Into Natural Law
Republican fair and balanced ® pseudo-scientists funded by
the fossil fuel & weapons industries
have announced a new atomic element,
taking advantage of a neo-con decree which states that
"all ideas conceived by two or more
rightwing extremists while duck hunting shall become law".
With the stroke of his executive decider pen,president Bush created the first faith-based atomic element.
"Dickheadium exists," Bush stated with pleasure.
The new element, dickheadium,
is the heaviest of elements with an atomic weight of 666.
All of its subatomic particles are protons, which spin to the right
along an axis of evil, regardless of the relative viewpoint.
Even in minute quantities, dickheadium is lethal to all humans
who posses a measurable I.Q.
Dickheadium is an elixir for some generals,
supreme court justices, and presidents,
while, at the same time, is toxic to everyone
with an intact cerebral cortex.
Dickheadium is the only element to display kleptocratic tendencies-
-when let loose in the wild it relentlessly neutralizes
public funding for education, health care and social security.
Dickheadium 666 is radioactive, with a half-life equivalent to two terms of office.
It decays to neocondium 444
while throwing off deadly bursts of bigotrinos and fart gas.
Though data is still limited, bigotrinos are believed to damage
the speech centers of humans
turning some concepts upside-down.
For example,
an afflicted person may use "liberation" in place of "oppression"
and "defend" in place of "attack".
It has been shown that those unfortunate enough
to be exposed to afflicted hosts
often suffer mind numbing headaches and paralysis.
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