Showing posts with label teabaggers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teabaggers. Show all posts

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Know Your Tea Party Douche Bags




OLYMPIA, Washington -- The newly elected Republican legislators-enough to keep control of the House of Reprehensibles--have arrived at the capital in Washington....the state of Washington,
raising the possibility that the House in D.C. will be in Democratic hands.

The wave of clueless douche bags
supported by the Tea Party movement,
arrived in Olympia by bus,  unaware that it is a state capital
rather than the national one.
Their constituents would be disappointed figuring
 that they knew the capitol is on the east side of the country...
We say "would be disappointed"
if they weren't low functioning invertebrates
incapable of any response beyond fear & anger
As their meager neural net is primarily occupied
entirely by the strain of using flagella and cilia
for locomotion.
The Washington state legislature was in session 
when the buffoons arrived but was not
disposed to let the out-of-staters participate.

Marco Rubio, the Senator from America's wang, Florida;
demanded the mining of cheese on the moon begin at once.


He was disappointed to find that the subject
was nowhere on the agenda in Olympia.
"I presume the bill is originating over in the House then," he said.



Who Are These Tea Baggers
And What The Hell Do They Want?

The movement has no national platform,
 but local chapters spend hours assembling statements of positions, 
which may or may not include the following planks:
  • Shouting down people in wheelchairs at town halls
  • Impeaching the President for no apparent reason
  • Keeping "Gubbermint" socialism out of their Social Security checks
  • Generally mucking up stuff so it can't work
  • Immediate implementation of nursery school level concepts of economics
  • All types of inane absurdity outweighing veridical reality

Tea Party platforms often coincide with things that Republicans say,
before they actually get elected and find more lucrative rackets.

Being officially unorganized and local,
the Tea Party has no national spokespersons
--only persons who want to ride it for political advantage.
If the movement were to acquire a national spokesperson,
it would have to be someone who, like themselves,
was a demonstrable moron
on questions of geography,
history, current events, and civics.
The leader would have to proudly be disconnected from, and uninterested, in all institutions of culture and higher learning.

 
So in summation what we have here is a movement of obese low income white people
who attend anti-government rallies on motorized mobility scooters—
with big wire baskets full of Ho hos—
  payed for by the very same government that they see as the source of all their problems.
  There is no  irony deficiency there!

Teabag Memorial In Boston
The other things Tea Partiers share in common are
gullibility, Fox News, lack of sophistication;
but nothing more telling than their willingness to believe all right-wing propaganda
even at the expense of their own self interest. 

This isn’t news, of course,
but what is news is the fact that Tea Party skooter trash
actually entertains the notion they can "take government back"
with their “second amendment remedies”;
that is to say, using their guns and their mobility skooters,
they will some day storm the nation’s capital
and after a bloody skirmish, wrest control of government
from the hands of the United States military.
The sheer lunacy of their collective failure
to think such moronic scenarios through
has brought us an electoral slate of national candidates
so uniquely unqualified to hold office that it has,
more than any other single factor,
brought home just how important it is
to have an educated and well informed electorate.
Normal Americans would like to think
such craziness is restricted to the far fringes of American society,
but that was before Fox News became an unmitigated 24-7 propaganda tool
of a few billionaire plutocrats. 
And what of these tea bag candidates?
They are no different from the last lot of  Republicans.
Once they get in there, they will tow the line for the rich
and leave the people that put them into office
waving their idiotic signs in the street till no one cares any more.
As of now, any Americans found sitting out an election on the sidelines
(such as the coming midterm elections),
deserves to be run over and crushed to death by some morbidly obese tea bagger on a mobility scooter.  May we all learn from their stupid sacrifice!


Saturday, October 2, 2010

25 Local Tea Party Affiliates Die In Fire



(Dallas, TX - October 1st ,2010)…There is troubling news out of Texas today, a small fire escalated into a fiery grave for 26 members of a local teabag party affiliate. The unfortunate incident is being described as a tremendous setback for the grassroots movement whose candidates are funded by the Billionaire Koch Brothers and their attempts to "Take Our Country Back" to a fantasy world that exists solely in the minds of miserable middle aged conservatives, and "Father Knows Best" cast members.

Early reports indicate that the casualties could have been entirely avoided had any of the "Teabaggers" simply complied with the firefighters requests to vacate a building that was being rapidly engulfed in flames. Instead they insisted that the socialist Obama Nanny government had no authority and they refused to vacate the burning premises.

"I risked my life running into that building and they called me a socialist pinko and told me to go to hell"


Radio host Rush Limbaugh, known for his moderate political views and proclivity to prescription drugs, spoke to the lowest I.Q. percentile of America, I mean his listeners, earlier today:

"Americans, with a heavy heart, we feel the pain of a national tragedy, a feeling that has been absent in our great country since the Democrats flew planes into the World Trade Center... we mourn the loss of our fellow Americans, may they rest in peace; but any logical mind can see that the real atrocity we have witnessed today is the waste of your tax dollars."
"Open your eyes! Obama's nanny state wants you to rely on the government to save your life in the case of an emergency. Today we need to stand together, as patriotic American patriots, to symbolize our unity against these agents of Government terror. Do you really want your hard earned money paying the salaries of people who will save your life?

Rush Limbaugh

Robert Fripp, who witnessed the catastrophe firsthand, described the tragedy in detail "I've never seen anything like it. I mean, I've seen fires before, this is Texas, who loves burning shit with reckless abandonment more then us? Well, maybe Georgia, but this was unlike anything I've ever seen before. These people were so dedicated to their cause that they willingly allowed themselves to be burned alive before accepting help from 'Obama's Socialist Henchmen.'"

Robert continued, painting a picture of tremendous stupidity and unparalleled ignorance. "The firefighters were trying to help, but everyone kept struggling and yelling about 'cap and trade' and the 'liberal media.' I feel remorse for the victims and their families, but in retrospect, it was pretty fucking retarded."

Friday, September 25, 2009

The Perimeter Of Anti-Luminescence (Or Something Similar)

America is waiting to be infromed!





Here Come The Warm Jets! Or Something Like them.

A salute to all of those fine groups of individuals...
All those who never fail to decrease the sum knowledge of mankind each time they open their mouths.




The contingent who have stopped to think and never started again.





Making the news...literally...


Those who stand for whatever baloney witless stooges will fall for.

One of the basic tenants upon which mankind pitches it's tent seems to be questionable.
For if indeed, ignorance is bliss why then are these people not smiling?


Creating Frankenstein Monsters and Such

::::::::


Sci-fi movie fans know the script. The mad scientist creates a monster but they can't control the monster and inevitably the monster destroys them.

Leaders of the GOP are now confronting the monster they helped create. Teabaggers, deathers, birthers, or whatever they call themselves this week are a creation of Fox News and GOP think tanks who desire to stir up dissent against the Obama administration.

It was a risky bet, and one that Sci Fi movie fans would have known was a loser. Creating a clown act media circus that presented President Obama and his moderate agenda was somehow extremist and unpopular. But they miscalculated the general public's distaste for these angry fringe group's behaviors and more importantly they underestimated the fear and anger of those they stoked and couldn't imagine that angry monster they charged up with Van Der Graf Generators and theater lightning turning against them. Yet now it has.

By hyping mistrust of "the government" they seem to have forgotten that they as Republicans also are that government and bear responsibility for it's accused excesses and abuses as much as anyone else.

This week we saw staunch conservative Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) heckled, booed and called a traitor and a bum at a town hall in his home state of South Carolina. In his career Sen Graham has enjoyed the highest ratings among conservative activist groups and some of the lowest among groups like the ACLU. A military JAG officer and a close ally of the party's last presidential nominee now finds himself attacked as an enemy of the conservative movement.

It is irrational. But monsters have never been and may never be known to behave in a rational manner. Which is why rational people and responsible parties tend to avoid creating monsters in the first place.