It's A Miracle! (we aren't extinct)

Editorial note- National Buffoon makes a distinction between "God" & "religion". No offense is intended to any belief in particular or in general however we do poke sharp sticks in the eyes of organizations that profess to speak for Gods and generally mock conventional thought in ways that are of questionable taste...so if your offended by such things, well it's best to skip this post. No hard feelings.

If not, have a few chuckles at the expense of Pat Robertson, charlatans and their patsies everywhere.

But first...
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Maybe it's true, but you know, in the general population, child molesters aren't promoted and protected as a rule. The practice is usually frowned upon instead of institutionalized.
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Finally
This week's Article is brought to you by...

And of course The Stinky Bros. Circus is in town!
You got tickets, like it or not to the freak show.
Front and center!

Ok, On With The Main Feature!
The Miracles...no not Smokey Robinson...

Image Of Virgin Mary Appears In Bird Dropping
Submitted by National Buffoon Religion Correspondent Elmer Gantry

Bryan Texas, --The Pachuca family of Bryan says an image on their pickup truck is a miracle. The image that came in an unlikely form of a bird dropping appeared on Sunday. That was the first time Salvador Pachuca had been back to the home since having an accident there four months ago. "I told my brothers come over here and see what this is and they say this is the Virgin," he said. Family members made their way outside to see the image on the truck's side mirror. Cristal Pachuca said she took pictures and began making calls to invite others to see, what she describes as, a miracle. "We just all feel protected. It's a blessing to our family and to everybody that comes to see it," says Cristal Pachuca. Cristal says the truck doesn't get much use, but last weekend her husband decided to take it out of their garage and wash it. A few moments later the image appeared. Since Sunday, a steady stream of family, friends, neighbors and strangers has stopped by to pray and take pictures of the image.
This only goes to show you that if you wash your car a bird will crap on it.
In a related story it's rumored that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has fashioned a statue of Ronald Reagan made completely from Dog Crap.
2nd Coming Comings and Goings

Have you ever wondered what kind of reception Jesus would receive if he poped in on today's world? Well here's an indication.
A Swedish man who claimed he was the son of God has been sentenced to prison in Norway for unlawful driving. On one occasion, the man attempted to hide his expired registration tabs by fashioning false plates out of cardboard, but Norwegian police saw through the ruse.
In a four month span in 2008, the 46-year-old Swede was picked up four times for driving without a license by Norwegian police in various towns outside of the capital Oslo, according to the Norwegian newspaper Moss Avis.
The Swede defended his actions during questioning by police in the town of Moss,
arguing he was Jesus, the son of God, and that he ruled the world.
As a result, the Swede argued, he didn’t need to abide by earthly driving regulations.
But the district court in Moss didn’t buy the man’s holy defense, and sentenced him to 30 days in prison and fined him 2,000 Norwegian kronor ($360).


How Does He Do It Time And Time Again?
Pat Robertson pinches off another sermon for his followers.
The man is just full of these things!
Here he is hard at work preparing to deliver another fire and brimstone crowd pleaser.
You GO Pat...
Is there anyone you haven't grossly offended yet?
The only ones I can think of are illiterate nincompoops.
Why not condemn them too?
"Anyone who pays the slightest attention to what I say has made a deal with Beelzebub and is in hell right now with a big ol' pitchfork in their butt...and that's a fact!".


Texan Chicken Farmers Find Cross Of Jesus On EggNo one ever sees the real Santa Claus, but Jesus is everywhere.
At least in Texas.

In Burleson, grandly billed as a “city, 13 miles south of Fort Worth”
Jesus on a cross has appeared on the top of a hen’s egg.
That's right. While the angels dance on pin heads,
the King of Kings is manifest in the chicken shed at Tracy and Pam Norrell’s farm.

The Norell’s tell the media that the egg was laid “straight from heaven”.
“This time of the year, we get so taken up with the presents and money and we forget about the reason. I think he [God] was just telling us he is the reason for the season.”
Yeah, whatever. The egg is for sale on E-Bay.

New Cult

A new cult has formed around the "Banana Jesus"

Lisa Swinton has seen the face of Jesus on her banana. Says she: “I was like ‘Oh my God! It’s Jesus on a banana!’ I got it out of the fruit bowl and was about to peel it and eat it when I saw his face.” If fruit has a face will vegans eat it? Discuss.
Miss Swinton had no qualms. She ate the damned banana before the cult leader could take up a collection .

The Virgin Mary Appears On A Potato Chip
I don't know, just looks like a dark spot to me...

A Boston area woman found a potato chip with what she says appears to be the image of the Virgin Mary on it. Jane Symington found the edible Virgin Mary lookalike in a bag of Lay's potato chips on Friday afternoon. Symington told FOX news that she plans to put the chip on eBay. I've not come across anyone finding the likeness of Muhammad nor of Joseph, Jesus’s step-dad. But National Buffoon pledges to be non-partisan in such matters should such a crisp be found!

The Virgin Of Aunt Jamima
Batter up!
Apparently supernatural beings
have nothing better to do than show up on pancakes,
chips, rust stains and what-not.
Must not be much to do up in the clouds...
Of course for a fee you can buy it on E Bay.

Plumber Finds Savior On bread

Plumber David Howlett discovered Jesus on his naan bread at "India Dining" in Surrey, England. Says David: "I spotted Jesus looking back at me. It was one eerie experience given how close we were to Christmas." He ate the bread but is selling pictures if anyone is dumb enough to buy one.

News of a Jesus sighting on an iron in Massachusetts!
The brownish residue on the bottom of the iron looks like the face of a man with long hair.
The owner was raised Catholic. She and her two college-age daughters agree that the image looks like Jesus and is proof that "he's listening."
She plans to keep the iron in a closet and buy a new one.
Personally it looks a bit more like a Klingon than Jesus to me.
Maybe Che Guevara will appear on my lampshade?
Just looks like a stain to me...

Image Of Micheal Jackson Appears on Tree Stump
The Need To Nose
Not to be outdone, Micheal Jackson has returned as a stump in South Carolina.
Fans have gathered and the Jackson family has rushed to the scene to charge for pictures.
The uncanny resemblance is remarkable enough, but fans say if you stick your ear up to where his nose should be you can actually hear the ocean!
To Honor the M.J. appearance in Oak,
J.C. Penney is having a Micheal Jackson Sale.
Yes, boys pants are half off!

Jabba the Rush Temple Now Open
The new temple is called "the Limbaugh-Hindenburg Temple".
To honor flaming Nazi gasbags ....and dirigibles.
That ain't incense they're burning.
But we've smelled this before.

New Christian Butcher Shop Opens
Come on down to Jesus's Butcher Shop.
Where they are always pleased to meat yor BBQ needs.
The owner is perplexed that his kosher
pork chops haven't found a market yet.
But his Matzoh of God soup sells well.
So do the Dead Sea Scones.
Reminder- Catholics are forbidden to use condiments by papal decree.
But everyone else has some ketch-up work to do.
On Tuesdays they have nothing butt rump roast.
(This is bringing out the wurst of the puns!)


Depressed? Join the club!

In The Interest Of Fairness, Here Are A Few Words From Idol Worshipers Who Requested A Rebuttal...
Right, Right, Right,Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...

Remember folks-

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

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Alphabet Soup For The Illiterate

Or... The ABC's Of The State Of The Union

A is for Afghanistan ("Gays should have the right to die there.")


B is for Bailouts (" they are like a root canal.")


C is for Corporations ("They are not people, too!")


D is for Deficit Reduction ("Political cover to win independents!")


E is for Education and Energy Policy ("O...ur best defense against China.")


F is for Future Generations ("Oh, Remember them?")


G is for Geithner ("I'd rather talk about Jeremiah Wright.")


H is for Healthcare Reform ("I will not walk away.")


I is for Immigration Reform ("Let's punt. See above.")


J is for Jobs Bill ("On my desk without delay." Or Steve Jobs- (see below).


K is for K Street ("Worse than even Wall Street.")


L is for Lost Decade ("Republican Voodoo Economics.")


M is for Middle Class ("SOS. Endangered species.")


N is for Nobel Prize ("Seems like forever ago...")


O is for Obesity ("Michelle is on it, Fat Kids On Notice.")


P is for Permanent Campaign ("Crippling you cowards.")


Q is for Qaueda, Al ("On the run.")


R is for Recovery Act ("Not so bad after all." Loans Mostly Paid Back )


S is for Small Businesses ("The Engine!")


T is for Tea Baggers ("I don't quit.")


U is for Unions ("I'd rather talk about Geithner.")


V is for Values ("A Macarena to the political center")


W is for Washington ("For Shame.")


X is for Xtradition and Enhanced Interrogation Tactics ("Let's talk about root canals.")


Y is for Yes, we still can!


Z is for Zen ("Still got it.")

Obama did strategically very well with this speech. I have 2 questions though.
Can he implement? And where is the bone for the liberals-progressives who played a large roll in getting him elected? They are disillusioned. Throw them something to get excited about too.

Of course The State Of The Union was small potatoes compared to Steve Jobs Jobs Jobs announcement about Apple's new gadget.

Or
the "White President's" Speech.
Staged...where else? The Virginia location where
Jefferson Davis delivered his speech as President of the Confederacy.
Symbolism...or Irony?
You decide.

(click to enlarge)


...Of Course Field Observations Reveal we should expect business as usual.

Remember folks-

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

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Fascism Comes To America

Preface- The recent Supreme Court 5-4 vote institutionalizes corporatocracy.

The very idea that a corporation would have "personhood" is directly opposed in every way to the intentions of the founders of the United States. This battle between democracy and the cancer of corporatism has not happened entirely in secret. Presidents and patriots have been warning us of it -- loudly -- since the very creation of our nation.

Woody Guthrie, Anti Fascist

President Thomas Jefferson said, "I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our moneyed corporations which dare already to challenge our government in a trial of strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country." Jefferson even went so far as to "insist on annexing a bill of rights to the new Constitution, i.e. a bill wherein the Government shall declare that, 1. Religion shall be free; 2. Printing presses free; 3. Trials by jury preserved in all cases; 4. No monopolies in commerce; 5. No standing army."
Madison's draft of the bill of rights included a protection against economic tyranny as Jefferson wanted.

As President, James Madison said, "There is an evil which ought to be guarded against in the indefinite accumulation of property from the capacity of holding it in perpetuity by corporations. The power of all corporations ought to be limited in this respect. The growing wealth acquired by them never fails to be a source of abuses."

President Andrew Jackson said, "In this point of the case the question is distinctly presented whether the people of the United States are to govern through representatives chosen by their unbiased suffrages or whether the money and power of a great corporation are to be secretly exerted to influence their judgment and control their decisions."

President Grover Cleveland said "As we view the achievements of aggregated capital, we discover the existence of trusts, combinations, and monopolies, while the citizen is struggling far in the rear or is trampled to death beneath an iron heel. Corporations, which should be the carefully restrained creatures of the law and the servants of the people, are fast becoming the people's masters."

Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, and Eisenhower all warned of the "corporate royalists" attempts to subjugate government in their own ways.

For 100 years after the Constitution was ratified, various governmental entities controlled corporations on leashes, like obedient puppies, canceling their charters promptly if they compromised the public good in any way.
The leashes broke in 1886, the dogs ran away, and the public good has been increasingly compromised-until it was finally abandoned altogether.

The 4 major events that have paved the road for corporatacracy in the U.S. are:

• 1. The 1886 "Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad" case. Though nowhere in the case is there any support for the notion that corporations have the same rights as "persons". The lie is the foundation of all corporate mischief since. The Justices said no such thing. In fact, the decision says that because they could find a California state law that covered the case "it is not necessary to consider any other questions" such as the constitutionality of the railroad's claim to personhood. But in the headnote to the case -- a commentary written by the clerk, which is NOT legally binding, it's just a commentary to help out law students and whatnot, summarizing the case -- the Court's clerk wrote: "The defendant Corporations are persons within the intent of the clause in section 1 of the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, which forbids a State to deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws." For over 100 years corporations have been gaining power based on an incorrect headnote.Who was this clerk? J.C. Bancroft Davis, a former corrupt official of the U.S. Grant administration and the former president of a railroad in the Robber Baron age. He acted in collusion with a corrupt Supreme Court Justice named Stephen Field, who had been told by the railroads that if they'd help him get this through they'd sponsor him for the presidency.[3]
• 2. The incredible consolidation brought about by Reagan suspending enforcement of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act. This along with Clinton signing the Telecommunications act removed constraint on monopolies. It allowed corporations to gobble up the media and giant corporations to swallow the smaller ones eliminating competition. In regards to media, corporate interests are more often than not in conflict with the historic duty of the "Fourth Estate" to inform the public. The "free press" that Jefferson spoke so eloquently about is largely gone in television, radio, and newspapers & bills keep being proposed to bring hegemony to the internet as well.
• 3. The 1976 Supreme Court case -Buckley v. Valeo, 424 U.S. 1 ruled that money to influence elections is a form of constitutionally protected free speech
• 4. The final nail in the coffin of democracy was hammered on Thursday, January 21, 2010 by a divided Supreme Court that swept aside decades of legislative restrictions on the role of corporations in political campaigns, ruling that companies can dip into their treasuries to spend as much as they want to support or oppose individual candidates.

Corporations are gods!

Fascism has come to America. Lovingly longed for on talk radio, by hosts whose inadequacies in cerebral capacity are more than compensated for by bellicosity. It is gift wrapped in an "extraordinary rendition" of the U.S. constitution provided by 5 Supreme Court justices willing to circumvent the purpose of the very document they swore to uphold. Thoughtfully packaged in a lovely Pandoran Box embossed with assorted multinational corporate logos. Adorned with an ostentatious huge red white and blue bow (made from shredded flags, the blood of every American Veteran, and assorted imported spleens from certified sweatshop workers in economically conquered 3rd world nations). It is spangled not with stars, but black holes. Wrapped in a flag spun from split hairs and carrying a cross (or whichever symbol co opts it's victims). The wolf leads the sheep by "bait and switch" tactics. The segment of the public not paying close attention is mesmerized by the wolf's shiny objects...it's a floor wax AND a dessert topping!

The term fascism is a contentious one, as it has all kinds of associations attached to it. And it is easily overused (Islamo-fascists etc.) which has made it easy to dismiss the reality of a legitimate claim of it's implementation. First let's define what it actually means. Plenty of "descriptions" exist and overall they are probably accurate. But for the definition I refer to the source, the men credited with coining the term. Giovanni Gentile & Benito Mussolini, who said "Fascism should more appropriately be called corporatism because it is the merger of state and corporate power." And it should be pointed out that all fascist regimes patterned afterwords were corporatist. Portugal, with its "Clerico Corporativist regime"... Spain's splintered leadership between Falangists, Clerical Fascists and Franco...as well as Hitler's Nazis well documented association with Volkswagen, Opel (who employed Jewish slave labor to run their industrial plants); Daimler-Benz (where prisoners of war were used as slaves); Krupp, Bayer, & IG Farben (who believed "industry" was using Hitler... of course Hitler saw it the other way around, eventually throwing 1 of Farben's owners in a concentration camp...SS uniforms were designed by Hugo Boss...)


The word itself is Italian in origin. The term Fascism comes from the word fascio (in Latin called fasces). According to the Oxford Etymology Dictionary:

"The Latin word. fasces "bundle of rods containing an axe with the blade projecting" (pl. of fascis "bundle" of wood, etc.), carried before a lictor, a superior Roman magistrate, as a symbol of power over life and limb: the sticks symbolized punishment by whipping, the axe head execution by beheading."

The idea of the "bundle", fascis or English translation "fagot" began being used in Italy in the late 1800s to refer to political organizations who banded together; the concept being that a stick can be broken but a bundle of sticks was hard to break. The Fascist Party developed in 1915.
Mussolini came to power in 1922 and wrote, (with the help of Giovanni Gentile) the entry for the Italian Encyclopedia on the definition of fascism in 1932. The following quotes are from this entry:

"Fascism combats the whole complex system of democratic ideology, and repudiates it, whether in its theoretical premises or in its practical application."

"Fascism denies that the majority can direct human society."

"Fascism denies, in democracy, the absurd conventional untruth of political equality"

The Italian Fascist symbol

Mussolini said democracy was "beautiful in theory, in practice it is a fallacy"[1] and spoke in speeches of celebrating burying the "putrid corpse of liberty".[2]

Fascism is against democracy, against equality. It combines government and corporate powers.
It minimizes the impact individual citizens can have on policy, if not excluding them entirely.
It establishes a special "political class" and grants special privileges to itself.
By hook or by crook fascism has come to America. But it wears a tinseled guise. It has learned from it's past. It can not be goose stepping & obvious. It hides behind slogans and false fronts.


Fascism substitutes bombast for content.
It shouts down those with whom it cannot argue,
for argument requires knowledge, and this is a
commodity with which the fascist has little acquaintance.


Fascism comes wrapped in red,white and blue regalia, waving it's
crucifix and shotgun, projecting its sexual confusion and
insecurity onto others, substituting volume for veracity and rage for
reason, and landing on the best-seller list as a result.



1.)- Our World this Century, Oxford University Press. ISBN 0199133247.
2.)- The Italian 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential, Cultural, Scientific, and Political Figures, Past and Present. CITADEL PR. ISBN 0806523999.
3. Unequal Protection by Thom Hartmann


Submitted by the author Benjamin New

Remember folks-

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

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The Artless Dodger of Fatuity and Nebraska

NATIONAL BUFFOON PHOTO FUNNIES

What? Is life so cheap we use kid's hands to pave our streets?

Yes there are vacancies!

Is the fine really necessary?

I bet your mom told you one day you'd regret getting tattooed.

Well, yes, that would likely work.

Who wants to live in a "Crapi" apartment?

Tell The Truth Brother!

Testify!

No wonder it's half price.

I think not.

Remember folks-

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

Your Ad Here