Showing posts with label satire humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire humor. Show all posts

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The GOP Loony Bin

Apparently no sane person would want to be President of the U.S.A.




You have to feel sorry for Americans, first all their jobs were shipped out to unregulated sweatshops in countries where labor and life are dirt cheap. Then the corporate cartels and Wall Street Banksters who benefited from the job heist, speculated in the real estate market causing a bubble that collapsed the values of the one thing middle class families had equity in...their homes. As if that wasn't enough, just to add insult to injury the same white collar thugs who robbed the nation blind demanded reimbursement from the very people they robbed to replace the capital they lost betting against America, playing "time bomb" with worthless "instruments" they concocted, running Ponzi Schemes, and "price-fixing" markets. Now to add salt to the wounds of voters; already despondent, dismayed, beaten down, and battered from mismanagement and plain old idiocy from their government representatives, they have been forced to endure 2 zillion debates and endless jaw flapping from the GOP B Team. That's right, you heard right, even though the economy is in shambles which means the sitting president historically is toast, the best and brightest of the opposition are making like ostriches and burying their heads under ground. No one with half a brain is remotely interested in presiding over what is being done to America right now. ENTER THE "B" TEAM...a bunch of loser misfits unable to form coherent sentences, let alone a policy that might be helpful, or at least not harmful.  

Yes, it's the B team....unlike the TV show or Movie of a similar name, this ragtag collection of ne'r-do-wells don't help anyone but themselves, are not mindlessly entertaining to anyone but the Koch Brothers & Rupert Murdoch, always are fighting for injustice, and don't even know how to operate a van.
 Taking a cue from the B team, other candidates have stuck with Hollywood themes as well to sell themselves to the extremists er uh, I mean voters.


The Shining



In Gastrointestinal Productions release called
"Lustin' Power- Man of Misogyny", Candidate Newt Gingrich plays" Dr. Evil"
to mixed reviews.


  

Meanwhile back in Michele's Bat Cave sometimes called the house of representatives,
Bat Boy Cantor swings into action delivering blow after blow to those criminals who had the unmitigated audacity not to be billionaires. "These bastards have had it far too easy" he said while using a tree saw to slit the throat of a senior citizen applying for Medicare.



Earlier the fellow who bought all the leftover QT instant tanning cream on E - Bay
Starred in his own production of "Much Ado About Nothing".
The critics were brutal, calling it the worst performance ever.



After Failing at the box office with his first effort as Dr. Evil, 
Newt began trying to con people into buying used junker ideas.
Yeah, it was only used once by an old lady in Pasadena.

Newt supports eliminating child labor laws so those damned moocher children can be used as indentured slaves. Again he got the idea from watching a movie...."Oliver Twist".

Yeah! Put dem little bastards to work!  The bums!


Movie goers have seen this plot before. The original release was foul enough.
But a sequel? No way.


 But the big "surprise" box office thrust was from Rick Santorum
who starred in a double feature that swept Iowa off it's feet
when he came from behind with these 2 double features.
His crappy remake called
Ricky & The Chocolate Factory...

 And his stunning role in his own cheap remake of  Tarantino's film
"Insidious Bastards"
 (In this version, there is a plot to throw Hitler a birthday party).
 
 
After poor ticket sales the Bachmann Show closed and she went home.

 
The Perry Show was continued for some reason however.
Probably because the Koch Brothers who produce the show
have nothing better to do with their money.


When the theater rain has been used up, and the stagehands have all gone home,
the box office bombs will have become mere bad memories of a stench,
it will be Mitt Romney making the curtain call....not that his act is good mind you.
It is not.
However he is the only production out there capable of delivering his lines.
He can put a few words together to form a sentence.
All the other "stars" will be in rehab.
At the end of the day there is no other GOP choice.

But there is one other possible outcome.
The GOP may be forced to run the only candidates they seem to have who would appeal to voters in a general election. You know, the ones who realize an erection is not "personal growth".
In early polling, The Kraken-Cthulhu team actually pulls nearly 50% of both Republicans & Democrats!

GOP
This is your best chance of winning.
Run these guys and you may just take the White House.
Of course they will eat you.
But winning is all that really matters.
 

Saturday, January 30, 2010

It's A Miracle! (we aren't extinct)

Editorial note- National Buffoon makes a distinction between "God" & "religion". No offense is intended to any belief in particular or in general however we do poke sharp sticks in the eyes of organizations that profess to speak for Gods and generally mock conventional thought in ways that are of questionable taste...so if your offended by such things, well it's best to skip this post. No hard feelings.

If not, have a few chuckles at the expense of Pat Robertson, charlatans
and their patsies everywhere.
But first...
A Message from Our Sponsors...
(These are real products)


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That's right, is the service too long winded?
Sermon boring?
Need a pick me up?
Hide 24 oz. of your favorite "spirited" beverage in "the good book".
Why just be a Holy Roller,
when you can be a Holy Rock & Roller?

Timex heals all wounds!
Was Jesus Russian? No he took his time...seriously.
And there's a sucker born every minute!
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You have to wonder about that claim that there no more pedophiles in the priesthood than the rest of the population when products like this are sold...
Maybe it's true, but you know, in the general population, child molesters aren't promoted and protected as a rule. The practice is usually frowned upon instead of institutionalized.
There's nothing sublime about this product of "faith".
I guess everybody's got a right to make a buck.
And rectory's have a right to decorate as they choose....yet....

This product is just wrong!

Finally
This week's Article is brought to you by...

And of course The Stinky Bros. Circus is in town!
You got tickets, like it or not to the freak show.
Front and center!


Ok, On With The Main Feature!
The Miracles...no not Smokey Robinson...


Image Of Virgin Mary Appears In Bird Dropping
Submitted by National Buffoon Religion Correspondent Elmer Gantry

Bryan Texas, --The Pachuca family of Bryan says an image on their pickup truck is a miracle. The image that came in an unlikely form of a bird dropping appeared on Sunday. That was the first time Salvador Pachuca had been back to the home since having an accident there four months ago. "I told my brothers come over here and see what this is and they say this is the Virgin," he said. Family members made their way outside to see the image on the truck's side mirror. Cristal Pachuca said she took pictures and began making calls to invite others to see, what she describes as, a miracle. "We just all feel protected. It's a blessing to our family and to everybody that comes to see it," says Cristal Pachuca. Cristal says the truck doesn't get much use, but last weekend her husband decided to take it out of their garage and wash it. A few moments later the image appeared. Since Sunday, a steady stream of family, friends, neighbors and strangers has stopped by to pray and take pictures of the image.
This only goes to show you that if you wash your car a bird will crap on it.
In a related story it's rumored that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has fashioned a statue of Ronald Reagan made completely from Dog Crap.
2nd Coming Comings and Goings

Have you ever wondered what kind of reception Jesus would receive if he poped in on today's world? Well here's an indication.
A Swedish man who claimed he was the son of God has been sentenced to prison in Norway for unlawful driving. On one occasion, the man attempted to hide his expired registration tabs by fashioning false plates out of cardboard, but Norwegian police saw through the ruse.
In a four month span in 2008, the 46-year-old Swede was picked up four times for driving without a license by Norwegian police in various towns outside of the capital Oslo, according to the Norwegian newspaper Moss Avis.
The Swede defended his actions during questioning by police in the town of Moss,
arguing he was Jesus, the son of God, and that he ruled the world.

As a result, the Swede argued, he didn’t need to abide by earthly driving regulations.
But the district court in Moss didn’t buy the man’s holy defense, and sentenced him to 30 days in prison and fined him 2,000 Norwegian kronor ($360).


How Does He Do It Time And Time Again?
Pat Robertson pinches off another sermon for his followers.
The man is just full of these things!
Here he is hard at work preparing to deliver another fire and brimstone crowd pleaser.
You GO Pat...
Is there anyone you haven't grossly offended yet?
The only ones I can think of are illiterate nincompoops.
Why not condemn them too?
"Anyone who pays the slightest attention to what I say has made a deal with Beelzebub and is in hell right now with a big ol' pitchfork in their butt...and that's a fact!".


Texan Chicken Farmers Find Cross Of Jesus On EggNo one ever sees the real Santa Claus, but Jesus is everywhere.
At least in Texas.
In Burleson, grandly billed as a “city, 13 miles south of Fort Worth”
Jesus on a cross has appeared on the top of a hen’s egg.
That's right. While the angels dance on pin heads,
the King of Kings is manifest in the chicken shed at Tracy and Pam Norrell’s farm.

The Norell’s tell the media that the egg was laid “straight from heaven”.
“This time of the year, we get so taken up with the presents and money and we forget about the reason. I think he [God] was just telling us he is the reason for the season.”
Yeah, whatever. The egg is for sale on E-Bay.

New Cult
A new cult has formed around the "Banana Jesus"
Lisa Swinton has seen the face of Jesus on her banana. Says she: “I was like ‘Oh my God! It’s Jesus on a banana!’ I got it out of the fruit bowl and was about to peel it and eat it when I saw his face.” If fruit has a face will vegans eat it? Discuss.
Miss Swinton had no qualms. She ate the damned banana before the cult leader could take up a collection .

The Virgin Mary Appears On A Potato Chip
I don't know, just looks like a dark spot to me...

A Boston area woman found a potato chip with what she says appears to be the image of the Virgin Mary on it. Jane Symington found the edible Virgin Mary lookalike in a bag of Lay's potato chips on Friday afternoon. Symington told FOX news that she plans to put the chip on eBay. I've not come across anyone finding the likeness of Muhammad nor of Joseph, Jesus’s step-dad. But National Buffoon pledges to be non-partisan in such matters should such a crisp be found!

The Virgin Of Aunt Jamima
Batter up!
Apparently supernatural beings
have nothing better to do than show up on pancakes,
chips, rust stains and what-not.
Must not be much to do up in the clouds...
Of course for a fee you can buy it on E Bay.

Plumber Finds Savior On bread

Plumber David Howlett discovered Jesus on his naan bread at "India Dining" in Surrey, England. Says David: "I spotted Jesus looking back at me. It was one eerie experience given how close we were to Christmas." He ate the bread but is selling pictures if anyone is dumb enough to buy one.

News of a Jesus sighting on an iron in Massachusetts!
The brownish residue on the bottom of the iron looks like the face of a man with long hair.
The owner was raised Catholic. She and her two college-age daughters agree that the image looks like Jesus and is proof that "he's listening."
She plans to keep the iron in a closet and buy a new one.
Personally it looks a bit more like a Klingon than Jesus to me.
Maybe Che Guevara will appear on my lampshade?
Just looks like a stain to me...

Image Of Micheal Jackson Appears on Tree Stump
The Need To Nose
Not to be outdone, Micheal Jackson has returned as a stump in South Carolina.
Fans have gathered and the Jackson family has rushed to the scene to charge for pictures.
The uncanny resemblance is remarkable enough, but fans say if you stick your ear up to where his nose should be you can actually hear the ocean!
To Honor the M.J. appearance in Oak,
J.C. Penney is having a Micheal Jackson Sale.
Yes, boys pants are half off!

Jabba the Rush Temple Now Open
The new temple is called "the Limbaugh-Hindenburg Temple".
To honor flaming Nazi gasbags ....and dirigibles.
That ain't incense they're burning.
But we've smelled this before.

New Christian Butcher Shop Opens
Come on down to Jesus's Butcher Shop.
Where they are always pleased to meat yor BBQ needs.
The owner is perplexed that his kosher
pork chops haven't found a market yet.
But his Matzoh of God soup sells well.
So do the Dead Sea Scones.
Reminder- Catholics are forbidden to use condiments by papal decree.
But everyone else has some ketch-up work to do.
On Tuesdays they have nothing butt rump roast.
(This is bringing out the wurst of the puns!)


Depressed? Join the club!

In The Interest Of Fairness, Here Are A Few Words From Idol Worshipers Who Requested A Rebuttal...
Right, Right, Right,Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...





Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.


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Friday, August 29, 2008

Democratic National Convention Ends-GOP Begins

Lines of people several blocks long
Lined the streets outside Mile High
Stadium and 75,000 people inside
were excited to be there for the historic occasion.

Barrack Obama delivered an acceptance speech that
brought tears to the eyes of many inspiring and electrifying
many more.



"These challenges are not all of government's making," Claimed Obama,
"But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush. . . . I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and independents across this great land: Enough!" he said.


The Convention closed leaving many proud of the USA, renewed in spirit, and energized.

The crowd displayed their flags.



McCain meanwhile has chosen his running mate.


It is Dubya.


The Republican Convention gets underway!
An exiting event chock full of inspiring messages
whipping the crowd into a frenzy!

A 2 hour video was shown of a rock that had "McCain" written on it.
Many believe it is the 1st political ad, dating back eons!


Trying to counter the historic nature of Obama's nomination,
the GOP is pointing out that if McCain is elected,
He will be the 6th Civil War president
ever to hold the office!




McCain delivers his acceptance speech!


Admittedly there was no way to compete with the
Democratic National Convention's excitement or attendance.
So the GOP showed a film of lots of people
waving their flags behind McCain so they didn't look so lame.
But someone should tell them that film isn't the best choice.
And that flag isn't the best one to wave around either.
The Republican Convention came to a close before it started.





Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.


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