Showing posts with label Brain Eating Zombies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brain Eating Zombies. Show all posts

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Inspiring Quotes

No doubt, reading these may be hazardous to mental health, but this collection of quotes from America's 'misunderestimated' anti-intellectual leadership is cause for laughter as well as tears and pain. Have a look!
1. "When the President does it, that means that it's not illegal." ~ Richard M. Nixon Yes you were!
2. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." ~ President George W. Bush

Dolt

3. "The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them." ~ Rush Limbaugh Dope

4.''My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better.'' ~ South Carolina Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, arguing against government food assistance for poor residents.



Eugenics? What a buffoon!


5."The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews." ~ Jerry Falwell

Moron


6. ''Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.'' ~ Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-North Carolina)

Fool

7.''We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets." ~ Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.

Mr. Potatohead


8."You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." ~ George W. Bush
9.''Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.'' ~ Rush Limbaugh




10."I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." ~ President George W. Bush




11."Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.'' ~ Rep. Michelle Bachmann




Batshit crazy

12.''The greatest threat to America is not necessarily a recession or even another terrorist attack. The greatest threat to America is a liberal media bias.'' ~ Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX)



13."He is purple - the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle - the gay pride symbol." ~ Jerry Falwell's warning to parents that "Tinky Winky," a character on Teletubbies, may be gay...




14."Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." ~ Dan Quayle



15.''The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.'' ~ Pat Robertson

Mentally Ill

16."Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate." ~ Sarah Palin
17."'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'" ~ Sarah Palin
18."Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant -- they're quite clear -- that we would create law based on the God of the bible and the Ten Commandments." ~ Sarah Palin




Sphincter

19."What I don't know is what the unexpected might be." ~ John McCain
Doddering Old Fart

20."We have a lot of work to do. It's a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border." ~ John McCain (the countries share no common border)



21."I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix." ~ Dan Quayle



22."If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president.'' ~ Ann Coulter

P.O.S.



23.''I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence.'' ~ Rep. Michele Bachmann




24."We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say." ~ Ann Coulter


P.O.S.




25."I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." ~ George W. Bush




26."Do you have blacks, too?" ~ George W. Bush




27.''We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals.'' ~ Ann Coulter




28."When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining." ~ Glenn Beck






29."I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." ~ George W. Bush






30. "Well, I learned a lot....I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You'd be surprised. They're all individual countries" ~ Ronald Reagan






31.''I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.'' ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia






32."Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" ~ George W. Bush






33."Exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system." ~ Rush Limbaugh






34."As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." ~ George W. Bush






35."Good Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions." ~ Jerry Falwell




36."If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." ~ George W. Bush




37."I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan





38."Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them." ~ Jerry Falwell



39.''It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.'' ~ Pat Robertson



40."AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals." ~Jerry Falwell



41."Facts are stupid things." ~ Ronald Reagan




42."Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." ~ George W. Bush



43."There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." ~ George W. Bush



44."Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." ~ George W. Bush



45."Trees cause more pollution than automobiles." ~ Ronald Reagan



46."This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." ~ George W. Bush



47."I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started." ~ Donald Rumsfeld



48."She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday--a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy! I am getting into spanking her… Yeah, I like it… I like spanking her. She goes, I know you like spanking me, I said yeah." ~ State Rep. Mike Duvall (R-Calif.) on a live mic referring to a lobbyist.



49."I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." ~ George W. Bush



50."I think I was unprepared for war." ~ George W. Bush




51. "If evolution is real, why can’t we go to the zoo and see monkeys evolving into human beings?" ~ Christine O'Donnell (unhinged teabag candidate for Delaware Senator).



52."American scientific companies are crossbreeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains". ~ Christine O'Donnell (anti-masturbating/witchcraft/evolution-is-a-myth teabag candidate for Delaware's Senate seat).





Douchebag

Saturday, October 18, 2008

THE RFE-TEHRANCHIK NEW DEAL

BECAUSE THEY HAVE EXPERIENCE FIGHTING
HALLOWEEN CHARACTERS OF ALL TYPES.


Welcome To

Halloween, the time when ghouls and monsters roam
the White House. (Like the rest of the year basically).

Yet it is the time of year when we become particularly aware
of creeps, boogiemen, ogres, mutants, bloodsucking vampires,
and other wings of the republican party.


ZOMBIE NIXON'S SOUTHERN RECIPE
But how did this Horror start?
When did the shills and operatives of the right wing become cannibalistic?
It seems to have begun with Zombie Nixon.
Zombie Nixon began eating brains in California, including his dog "checkers" brain.
Then he turned on the voters.
He created a race of undead brain eating zombies and called it his Southern Strategy.
(Or Southern Recipe, if y'all is the eater, not the eatee.)
"I am not a Zombie."

Zombie Nixon's victims became brain eating zombies themselves,
creating a growing base of mindless ghouls attacking the living citizens.
Zombie strategists began spinning the brain eating activity as a "culture war".
(It was nothing more than brain eating- pure and simple.)

ZOMBIE REAGAN'S MISSING PARTS CLUB BAND
The horror escalated when Zombie Reagan infected even more citizens,
creating both monumental fiscal and IQ deficits in the nation.
Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban were the Frankenstein creation of Zombie Reagan.
Zombie Reagan used taxpayer dollars and profits from CIA drug deals to
fund death squads in Nicaragua murdering over 50,000 human beings
including nuns and priests working with the poor. Many of Zombie Bush's bloodthirstiest
cabal got their brain eating start in either the Reagan or Nixon administration of horrors.

"Well, heh heh, Alzheimer's had removed any thought I might have had anyway, so no one noticed I was a Zombie as well, heh heh."

H.W.BUSH'S (WHITE) HOUSE OF HORRORS
Then came the spooky Bushenstein years.

"Sure, I knew they were zombies, why do you think
I called their brain eating economic policies Voodoo Economics?"


The major brain eater of the Bushenstein administration
was Mr.Potatohead, the VP that brought brainlessness
to the forefront of American Politics.

Dan Quayle, brain eating zombie brought
idiocy respectability in conservative politics
during his stupor in the White House.
Quayle began the tradition of attacking
fictional characters like "Murphy Brown"
and "liberal media".
His ignorant stupidity was believed to be the
"low water" mark that would stand
for all eternity in terms of vice presidential
intellectual subnormality.

SON OF BUSHENSTIEN
By the year 2000, it appeared half the U.S. had become brain eating zombies themselves
electing the "Son Of Bushenstein" to the office of President.
These were the bleakest days since the black plague for mankind as the brainless undead feasted mercilessly on their human victims.

"Heh, Mah furst axe az duh Presidents iz tuh take a 2 month vacation after eating yer brains uh course."



The Bushenstein monster terrorized the living throughout it's
reign of evil declaring war on the economy, war on education
war on the english language, war on breathing,
war on water, war on the constitution,
war, war, war....
Wicked witch Condi Rice's psychotic sexual ideas
about torturing political prisoners (And of course lies about her involvement)
make her a particularly macabre Halloween character.

The Cheney Beast is the evil undead
leader of the brain eating administration-
declaring himself a new separate branch of government;
all-powerful and free of human intervention
or oversight.
" Brains are best raw, in a marinade of Iraqi crude."
"C'mon, the rest of you who haven't joined our "party"...
you don't need your brain, we'll do yer thinkin' for ya!"
"Nya ah ah mmm, good tasty cortex, a bit piquant with
just a hint of tobbacco and some fruity notes... mmmm."


The Bushenstein monster terrorizes the entire world.
Shown here looking for victims in Africa.

Iraq was a particularly tasty treat for
the ghoulish neocon zombies.

MCCAIN/PALIN EAT BRAINS RAW
It's 3:00 a.m.- Putin is drunk and makes a prank call
to the white house, who do you want to answer that call?

Remarkably in 2008, as most people have become sick of
politicians nibbling away on their brains, the McCain campaign
champions the continuation of zombie rule.
One wonders how anyone can be undecided.
Your either with the brain eaters or against them folks.



The zombie strategy is to make the political process so mind numbing
that people will not notice their brains are being eaten.



In fact, Zombie McCain's choice of VP is so mind numbing
that most humans would actually prefer being
digested by the undead than to contemplate
the stark possibility of Palin in any position (other than porn) of importance.




Don't forget folks, RFE and Tehranchik
are always fighting the forces of corporatism,
oligarchy, and mutated moose molesters.
Their plan for freeing the world of these
scary monsters and super-creeps
is your best bet to thwart their
carnage. So vote for RFE-Tehranchik!


ENTERTAINMENT
This Weeks Movies



NATIONAL BUFFOON MOVIE REVIEWS
These movies suck.
There is better film on Cheney's teeth.
Don't bother, they don't even have
popcorn. Instead they serve
this nasty snack-







WTF? SECTION
This is an actual photo from the presidential debate.
No need for photoshop here.
Come up with your own caption.
Perhaps brain eater McCain needs a lesson in anatomy.
(Barack's brain is not located where republican politicians brains are.)
Is he doing "the Monster Mash"?
Or maybe he wants to give Obama a rimming.
Maybe he's just a creepy old zombie...
One thing is for certain.
Only a moron could believe McCain appears presidential.

OCTOBER SURPRISES
Tricks, not treats. The Zombie McCain Campaign, faced with defeat on election day have a backup plan for continuing the Neocon Undead Coup.
Somewhere in a secret White House basement bunker...


On behalf of the Zombie Party,
the Homeland Insecurity Dept. today said
it will begin issuing regular, five-day terror forecasts.
Today's outlook: light, scattered terrorism early, tapering off by noon. Tomorrow: Clear, and seasonably dangerous with a chance of shoe bombs.


GOP pundits and hacks are not concerned about the record number of voters expected to show up at the polls this year to support Obama/Biden and RFE/Tehranchik.
They have a plan called the "Take Out The Vote" campaign.
They will use the military to eliminate any threat to GOP absolute plutocracy.

Anyone attempting to vote who doesn't fit the typical GOP
appearance will be removed with extreme prejudice by the military.
(Or Blackwater-Haliburton thugs).


"I was John McCain and I approve this meal...yum."






McCain displays his international relations prowess.
Unveiling his new plan on diplomatic idiocy in a press conference earlier today.
Um, right.


Maybe if you had one, you wouldn't need to eat other peoples...maybe.

McCain Announces New Energy Plan
"I got me a new plan, & I'm putting myself in suspended animation until those
communists in preschool stop sharing their lunch!"
McCain plans to tap Uncle Fester and put him on the electrical grid.
The new Festering McCain energy plan calls for huge oil company giveaways and tax breaks for those who fire American workers & enslave downtrodden 3rd worlders instead.
The now frozen candidate also exalted the trickle down theory...
oil trickling down on you, toxic waste trickling down on you, and gluttonous plutocrats
trickling on your leg.

ENVIRONMENT
McCain plans to set all forests and national lands on fire.
"This is simply applying the GOP foreign policy to domestic issues"
said a Zombie spokesman. "We are hoping all non republicans, who aren't "real" Americans anyway will die trying to put the fires out". "Then we'll eat their brains."

Palin made three campaign stops today: Saks, Nieman Marcus and Bloomingdales.





MUSIC
NEW RELEASES

Remarkably bad. Sounds like it was recorded in a public restroom.
Craig's singing is unintelligible - as if there was something in his mouth
during the recording. Though all the songs stink, the producers are glad this one is finally in the can (frankly, where it belongs). Craig warbles feebly through his songs such as Yummy Yummy Yummy I Got Love In My Dunny, It's My Potty And I'll Cry If I Want To, Born to be Vile, and The Loo of Love.



The Bushies pollute the airwaves with their pitiful contrivance.
Songs include Cheney in the Bunker with Wolfowitz, Being For The Benefit Of Ms. Rice, Getting Wetter (ode to Katrina), With a Little Help From My Daddy's Friends, and A Day In The PNAC.


Um, ...I don't think so!

ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PLUMBER? DIDN'T NIXON HAVE ENOUGH OF THEM?
RFE prepares to put out McCain's eye.
Nixon's "plumbers" broke into the Watergate Hotel.
McCain's plumber wants to break into the publishing business.




RELIGION




Heaven- Republican Free Since '93
The RFE Tehranchik team is righteous!


THIS JUST IN
The McCain campaign admitted the whole thing was an elaborate joke.
A giant bag of dog poop ignited on America's front porch.
McCain never wanted the presidency at all.
He just wanted to punk the country for laughs.
"I can't believe all these suckers fell for it" said McCain.
"I got the idea for it when I saw that movie Borat, yup, stole the whole idea from Sasha Cohen."
"I mean really, who would stick a moron like Tucker Bounds in a spokesman's position?
Have you heard the hilarious BS that guy has been spouting? Ha ha, he keeps me in stitches!
Or how about that crapmiester Nancy Pfotenhauer? Ho Ho Ho,
That line about the "real Virginia"...especially funny because she doesn't have a real vagina!
Ha ha ha, and of course the big punch line was choosing that nincompoop nutjob as my running mate. HA HA HA oops, laughed so hard I peed myself...
Palin was shocked By McCain's admission that
their candidacy was a joke.
"I'm no joke, McCain, I will be the new mavericky leader
of witless dolts who believe they are real and everyone else is fake Americans!
Enough brains have been eaten to insure I will rule this joint in 2012."
tomorrow belongs to ME!


Tehranchik has had enough!
The removal of the Zombie Nazi from the human gene pool
made everyone's IQ improve 28 points.
And improved air quality.

IN OTHER NEWS


"Mwah mwah mwah...."

Cheney's WMD

Cheney's umbrella was the last straw for Canada.

"koo-roo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koo"
"Do we have a topic today Doug?"
"We sure do Bob, villains have stolen
RFE-Tehranchik's time machine!"


"Nya ah ah, now that we have the time machine we can send the Joker here back in time so that he never has to relinquish his supreme deciderism! Wah wah wah!"


"This can't be good, it's like that time Max Von Sydow got all "Cheney"on us at the Elsinore Brewery eh?"

Meanwhile Bush wreaks havoc on history-
annoying everyone from Plato to Eisenhower.


"That Bush guy is a hoser!
Take off Bush, you suck!"



Are you filming this Bob? We can sell this to Olbermann for beer money.





That guy was stinkin' up the past so we took the time machine away from him and gave it back to RadioFreeEuropa and Tehranchik.
By accident my hoser brother spilled beer on one of the controls.
This set it for the future...
Lets peek at the near future, shall we?

THE FUTURE

We Win!!!!







Heh, I do deciderisms better with a good buzz on, heh, heh.

GO!
Under the supervision of Mntnman, the new drug czar,
police assist in hemp distribution.



Greetings from the White House
Tehranchik and RFE thank you for your support!

But what happened to Spongebob's campaign?
Inquiring minds want to know!


What Happened To The Spongebob Campaign?
Video Report:





More Zombies?