NATIONAL BUFFOON: Tehranchik

BECAUSE THEY HAVE EXPERIENCE FIGHTING

HALLOWEEN CHARACTERS OF ALL TYPES.

Welcome To

Halloween, the time when ghouls and monsters roam
the White House. (Like the rest of the year basically).

Yet it is the time of year when we become particularly aware
of creeps, boogiemen, ogres, mutants, bloodsucking vampires,
and other wings of the republican party.

ZOMBIE NIXON'S SOUTHERN RECIPE
But how did this Horror start?
When did the shills and operatives of the right wing become cannibalistic?
It seems to have begun with Zombie Nixon.
Zombie Nixon began eating brains in California, including his dog "checkers" brain.
Then he turned on the voters.
He created a race of undead brain eating zombies and called it his Southern Strategy.
(Or Southern Recipe, if y'all is the eater, not the eatee.)

"I am not a Zombie."

Zombie Nixon's victims became brain eating zombies themselves,
creating a growing base of mindless ghouls attacking the living citizens.
Zombie strategists began spinning the brain eating activity as a "culture war".
(It was nothing more than brain eating- pure and simple.)

ZOMBIE REAGAN'S MISSING PARTS CLUB BAND
The horror escalated when Zombie Reagan infected even more citizens,
creating both monumental fiscal and IQ deficits in the nation.
Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban were the Frankenstein creation of Zombie Reagan.
Zombie Reagan used taxpayer dollars and profits from CIA drug deals to
fund death squads in Nicaragua murdering over 50,000 human beings
including nuns and priests working with the poor. Many of Zombie Bush's bloodthirstiest
cabal got their brain eating start in either the Reagan or Nixon administration of horrors.

"Well, heh heh, Alzheimer's had removed any thought I might have had anyway, so no one noticed I was a Zombie as well, heh heh."

H.W.BUSH'S (WHITE) HOUSE OF HORRORS
Then came the spooky Bushenstein years.

"Sure, I knew they were zombies, why do you think
I called their brain eating economic policies Voodoo Economics?"

The major brain eater of the Bushenstein administration
was Mr.Potatohead, the VP that brought brainlessness
to the forefront of American Politics.

Dan Quayle, brain eating zombie brought
idiocy respectability in conservative politics
during his stupor in the White House.
Quayle began the tradition of attacking
fictional characters like "Murphy Brown"
and "liberal media".
His ignorant stupidity was believed to be the
"low water" mark that would stand
for all eternity in terms of vice presidential
intellectual subnormality.

SON OF BUSHENSTIEN

By the year 2000, it appeared half the U.S. had become brain eating zombies themselves
electing the "Son Of Bushenstein" to the office of President.
These were the bleakest days since the black plague for mankind as the brainless undead feasted mercilessly on their human victims.

"Heh, Mah furst axe az duh Presidents iz tuh take a 2 month vacation after eating yer brains uh course."

The Bushenstein monster terrorized the living throughout it's
reign of evil declaring war on the economy, war on education
war on the english language, war on breathing,
war on water, war on the constitution,
war, war, war....

Wicked witch Condi Rice's psychotic sexual ideas
about torturing political prisoners (And of course lies about her involvement)
make her a particularly macabre Halloween character.

The Cheney Beast is the evil undead
leader of the brain eating administration-
declaring himself a new separate branch of government;
all-powerful and free of human intervention
or oversight.

" Brains are best raw, in a marinade of Iraqi crude."
"C'mon, the rest of you who haven't joined our "party"...
you don't need your brain, we'll do yer thinkin' for ya!"
"Nya ah ah mmm, good tasty cortex, a bit piquant with
just a hint of tobbacco and some fruity notes... mmmm."

The Bushenstein monster terrorizes the entire world.
Shown here looking for victims in Africa.

Iraq was a particularly tasty treat for
the ghoulish neocon zombies.

MCCAIN/PALIN EAT BRAINS RAW
It's 3:00 a.m.- Putin is drunk and makes a prank call
to the white house, who do you want to answer that call?

Remarkably in 2008, as most people have become sick of
politicians nibbling away on their brains, the McCain campaign
champions the continuation of zombie rule.
One wonders how anyone can be undecided.
Your either with the brain eaters or against them folks.

The zombie strategy is to make the political process so mind numbing
that people will not notice their brains are being eaten.

In fact, Zombie McCain's choice of VP is so mind numbing
that most humans would actually prefer being
digested by the undead than to contemplate
the stark possibility of Palin in any position (other than porn) of importance.

Don't forget folks, RFE and Tehranchik
are always fighting the forces of corporatism,
oligarchy, and mutated moose molesters.
Their plan for freeing the world of these
scary monsters and super-creeps
is your best bet to thwart their
carnage. So vote for RFE-Tehranchik!

ENTERTAINMENT
This Weeks Movies

NATIONAL BUFFOON MOVIE REVIEWS
These movies suck.
There is better film on Cheney's teeth.
Don't bother, they don't even have
popcorn. Instead they serve
this nasty snack-

WTF? SECTION
This is an actual photo from the presidential debate.
No need for photoshop here.
Come up with your own caption.

Perhaps brain eater McCain needs a lesson in anatomy.
(Barack's brain is not located where republican politicians brains are.)
Is he doing "the Monster Mash"?
Or maybe he wants to give Obama a rimming.
Maybe he's just a creepy old zombie...
One thing is for certain.
Only a moron could believe McCain appears presidential.

OCTOBER SURPRISES

Tricks, not treats. The Zombie McCain Campaign, faced with defeat on election day have a backup plan for continuing the Neocon Undead Coup.
Somewhere in a secret White House basement bunker...

On behalf of the Zombie Party,
the Homeland Insecurity Dept. today said
it will begin issuing regular, five-day terror forecasts.
Today's outlook: light, scattered terrorism early, tapering off by noon. Tomorrow: Clear, and seasonably dangerous with a chance of shoe bombs.

GOP pundits and hacks are not concerned about the record number of voters expected to show up at the polls this year to support Obama/Biden and RFE/Tehranchik.
They have a plan called the "Take Out The Vote" campaign.
They will use the military to eliminate any threat to GOP absolute plutocracy.

Anyone attempting to vote who doesn't fit the typical GOP
appearance will be removed with extreme prejudice by the military.
(Or Blackwater-Haliburton thugs).

"I was John McCain and I approve this meal...yum."

McCain displays his international relations prowess.
Unveiling his new plan on diplomatic idiocy in a press conference earlier today.

Um, right.

Maybe if you had one, you wouldn't need to eat other peoples...maybe.

McCain Announces New Energy Plan

"I got me a new plan, & I'm putting myself in suspended animation until those
communists in preschool stop sharing their lunch!"
McCain plans to tap Uncle Fester and put him on the electrical grid.

The new Festering McCain energy plan calls for huge oil company giveaways and tax breaks for those who fire American workers & enslave downtrodden 3rd worlders instead.
The now frozen candidate also exalted the trickle down theory...
oil trickling down on you, toxic waste trickling down on you, and gluttonous plutocrats
trickling on your leg.

ENVIRONMENT

McCain plans to set all forests and national lands on fire.
"This is simply applying the GOP foreign policy to domestic issues"
said a Zombie spokesman. "We are hoping all non republicans, who aren't "real" Americans anyway will die trying to put the fires out". "Then we'll eat their brains."

Palin made three campaign stops today: Saks, Nieman Marcus and Bloomingdales.

MUSIC
NEW RELEASES

Remarkably bad. Sounds like it was recorded in a public restroom.
Craig's singing is unintelligible - as if there was something in his mouth
during the recording. Though all the songs stink, the producers are glad this one is finally in the can (frankly, where it belongs). Craig warbles feebly through his songs such as Yummy Yummy Yummy I Got Love In My Dunny, It's My Potty And I'll Cry If I Want To, Born to be Vile, and The Loo of Love.

The Bushies pollute the airwaves with their pitiful contrivance.
Songs include Cheney in the Bunker with Wolfowitz, Being For The Benefit Of Ms. Rice, Getting Wetter (ode to Katrina), With a Little Help From My Daddy's Friends, and A Day In The PNAC.

Um, ...I don't think so!

ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PLUMBER? DIDN'T NIXON HAVE ENOUGH OF THEM?

RFE prepares to put out McCain's eye.
Nixon's "plumbers" broke into the Watergate Hotel.
McCain's plumber wants to break into the publishing business.

RELIGION

Heaven- Republican Free Since '93

The RFE Tehranchik team is righteous!

THIS JUST IN

The McCain campaign admitted the whole thing was an elaborate joke.
A giant bag of dog poop ignited on America's front porch.

McCain never wanted the presidency at all.
He just wanted to punk the country for laughs.
"I can't believe all these suckers fell for it" said McCain.
"I got the idea for it when I saw that movie Borat, yup, stole the whole idea from Sasha Cohen."
"I mean really, who would stick a moron like Tucker Bounds in a spokesman's position?
Have you heard the hilarious BS that guy has been spouting? Ha ha, he keeps me in stitches!
Or how about that crapmiester Nancy Pfotenhauer? Ho Ho Ho,
That line about the "real Virginia"...especially funny because she doesn't have a real vagina!
Ha ha ha, and of course the big punch line was choosing that nincompoop nutjob as my running mate. HA HA HA oops, laughed so hard I peed myself...

Palin was shocked By McCain's admission that
their candidacy was a joke.

"I'm no joke, McCain, I will be the new mavericky leader
of witless dolts who believe they are real and everyone else is fake Americans!
Enough brains have been eaten to insure I will rule this joint in 2012."
tomorrow belongs to ME!

Tehranchik has had enough!

The removal of the Zombie Nazi from the human gene pool
made everyone's IQ improve 28 points.
And improved air quality.

IN OTHER NEWS

"Mwah mwah mwah...."

Cheney's WMD

Cheney's umbrella was the last straw for Canada.

"koo-roo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koo-koo"
"Do we have a topic today Doug?"
"We sure do Bob, villains have stolen
RFE-Tehranchik's time machine!"

"Nya ah ah, now that we have the time machine we can send the Joker here back in time so that he never has to relinquish his supreme deciderism! Wah wah wah!"

"This can't be good, it's like that time Max Von Sydow got all "Cheney"on us at the Elsinore Brewery eh?"

Meanwhile Bush wreaks havoc on history-
annoying everyone from Plato to Eisenhower.

"That Bush guy is a hoser!
Take off Bush, you suck!"

Are you filming this Bob? We can sell this to Olbermann for beer money.

That guy was stinkin' up the past so we took the time machine away from him and gave it back to RadioFreeEuropa and Tehranchik.
By accident my hoser brother spilled beer on one of the controls.
This set it for the future...
Lets peek at the near future, shall we?

THE FUTURE