Showing posts with label Election. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Election. Show all posts

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Profiles Of The GOP Candidates - Part 2 - Rick Santurum

Fear And Loathing In The GOP
America's dimmest incompetent xenophobes & homophobes
seek to destroy the notion of democracy and make a few bucks in the process.

You have heard the old axiom "every nation has the government it deserves”. Sadly the truth of this is inescapably obvious today in these United States of America. Thanks to the lazy, ignorant, illiterate electorate a toxic brew of political incompetents, corporate lackeys, and self-serving money-grubbing douche-bags; so poisonous to our nation’s government, that it would seem beyond its ability to recover, now inhabit the halls of the nation's government. As we witness the current plague of rapacious circus clowns vying for the nation’s highest office we are inclined to willfully poke a sharp stick in our eyeballs to distract us from the pain.

A jab in the eyeball with a crudely sharpened stick is preferable to listening to any GOP presidential hopeful.

Regressive politics and ruinous political gridlock have left America virtually paralyzed. The collapse of the housing bubble/mortgage crisis continues, as does the financial meltdown that resulted. Incomes for 90% of Americans continue to lag far behind inflation; the middle class is destitute. The political forum ignores any serious issues such as dealing with climate changes, spiraling upwards energy and food prices, a rapacious health insurance system which continues to financially ravage the patients it portends to save, a disastrous trade policy, an ever expanding military budget that dwarfs the rest of the nations in the world combined, to name but a few.
Have you ever heard a more moronic comment?

But what are these assclowns concerned about? None of those things.They are worried about gays being included in civil rights guaranteed by a constitution they have never actually read much less understood , or the fact that some billionaire might have to pay more than half the tax rate a carpenter does.
The endgame is always some sort of advancement of an aristocracy over the notion of democracy.

I Don't Know About You,
But Clowns Have Always Given Us The Creeps
2012 GOP Clown Car Transports Candidates, Pundits & the Zombie Corpse of  Ronald Reagan to Hell.

This country absolutely doesn’t need any level-headed moderates or someone that is fluent in Mandarin like Jon Huntsman. Screw that guy. Good thing he dropped out! He’s a crazy Mormon like Obamney, all they want is to level up so they get their own planet to rule over. What we need are Jackass morons with shit for brains to address the issues that distract us from the reality of the dire circumstances our version of predatory capitalism has unleashed upon the world. "Dick" Santorum fits the bill. 
 
Vote For Me! I'm a P.O.S.!
No really!
Here's the breakdown on the candidate: He is mentioned in the bible (the sweater vest of many colors). He is obsessed with battling homosexuality and seems to feel preventing gays from having weddings is the most important issue in the world.... which more often than not means he's struggling with his own identity issues as we have seen from previous conservative bloviating posers who spend their time denouncing gays such as 20$ Robert "Bob" Allen, Stall man Larry Craig, Richard Curtis, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard, to name a but a few.

Rick Santorum- candidate...major wanker

He believes in a flat earth originally inhabited by Fred Flintstone and his dino-pals 6,000 years ago. He has some big flag pins that were made in China and like the current speaker of the house is known for crying. He has embarrassed his children and forced them to appear in his campaign ads as props. He was soundly given the boot in 2006 by his home district and removed from congress for generally being a worthless douche-bag embarrassing his constituents.


Rick's surname is synonymous with the combination of fecal matter, spermatozoa, and anal lubricants. (A feat unequaled by the other candidates!). What more could you want in a presidential candidate. Here you finally have a candidate who is a piece of shit both figuratively and literally! Seems to the National Buffoon staff he should be a shoe- in!  Besides, he looks like he'd have a birth certificate and he isn't in one of those wacky non-christian cults like many of his opponents. 

Santorum Should Be A Shoe-In For The GOP Nomination


  In Town For The 12,058th GOP Debate...

Mitt Romney gets into a bar and orders a beer.
I’d like a Budweiser.
There you go, sir.
Romney looks shocked.
I never asked for that! I clearly demanded a Coors light!
The barman avoids a confrontation.
Here’s your Coors light.
Romney stands back.
I never requested this beer! I’m the kind of guy drinking a Guinness!
Michele Bachmann gets in.
Hi, sir. Do you have beers what are not owned by the government?
That would be all of them, ma’am.
I am thirsty. Give me 10,000 pints of your most patriotic beer.
The barman tries to remain calm.
What about I give you one pint, and we see from there?
Are you telling me what I can and can’t drink? You want to take my freedom away?
She glares at the barman with crazy eyes. He decides to ignore her. And Romney as well.
Herman Cain gets in.
Hello sir, I would like to order a beer!
Sure, what do you want?
I don’t know.
Do you want to see the list of beers we carry?
I don’t want to read, I want to order a beer, right now!
So which beer would you like to order?
I don’t know, I just told you!
The barman gives him the same treatment as the other two and sees Rick Santorum getting in.
Hello, my good man. I would like a beer.
Which one?
Oh, I don’t care, whatever you have.
One Bud coming…
But I need you to sign this form to attest that this beer has not been served, transported, made or harvested by homosexuals.
At the same moment, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich and Jon Huntsman gets in the bar.
The barman grabs his shotgun and shoots himself in the head.

 



Think about this...not too long though lest your head explode..."A third of the young people in America are not in America because of abortion". Huh? And just think how many youngsters are held prisoner in condoms.

Part One of this article featuring Mitt Romney can be found here:









  

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

RFE and TEHRANCHIK CONCEDE


Tehranchik

And RFE
A Concession speech we couldn't be happier to make!


We extend our hearty congratulations to
PRESIDENT OBAMA!

We know that he will represent us well and save America from the Zombie Brain eaters.
If you have a shelf in your cabinet for us we'll be glad to oblige.
This would be much longer but we are too busy celebrating your victory.
We are proud to welcome you as our new leader.
May we never forget that this victory truly belongs to all of us.
All of us who believed this was possible!

A couple suggestions-
Tear down this wall!

And be true to yourself!


"America ya' done good!"



It's hard to fathom all that this great moment in history symbolizes.
But here is one of them.


May the coming years reverse the harm,
and lift our spirits.
I Believe
America is now
back on the path!

Heartfelt Best wishes to President Obama.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Clueless Candidates Claim Climate Caused Capitalism Clown Crash


Good evening ladies and germs, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, We interrupt our regularly scheduled programing for this special breaking news report. Apparently the U.S. economy is in the toilet.
It seems borrowing money from China to buy cheap unsafe Chinese goods and Saudi oil has not been as profitable as promised. Whoop Whoop Whoop! I coulda' told you that Moe! (Boink!)
Why I oughta....

Mild mannered capitalist by day, Secretary of the Treasury Paulson steps into a nearby phone booth and becomes... "Socialist Man!" America's new contemporary economic superhero!

The President Addresses the nation.
"Er, uh, well heh, heh, it seems lak dem communists were
sorta raght, ceptin' they wuz doin' it all backwards.
Dey wuz nationalizin' duh profits which is bad. Were a gonna nationalize losses which is duh 'merican thing ta doo!"


Sympathetic taxpayers react to the news

The nations top economic minds react swiftly.
Senator Larry Craig calls for emergency sessions to handle the emerging challenge.


A Bush Top Economic Adviser Speaks to Public Concern...
"Hi dare taxpayers, I'm in charge of you all bailin' out dem swindlers and con men.
Y'all bend over now an' squeal lak Sarah Palin."
"Heh, heh, heh"












RFE & Tehranchik are fighting the forces of corporatism and oligarchy!

"Heh, the upside to all this is it's cheaper to burn your dollars for heat this winter than oil, gas or even logs! So toss those greenbacks in your woodstoves folks!



ECONOMIC TERMS EXPLAINED

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing investors to mistake themselves for financial geniuses.
BEAR MARKET -- Where you go to buy bears.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What your investments make you.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYSTS -- Idiots who downgrade your stock.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A person whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a loony bin.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.


With all the turmoil in the market today - the collapse of Lehman Bros and acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America, etc. we can expect further consolidations and mergers. 9 new mergers were announced today alone!

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood.

4.) Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa.

5.) FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP.

6.) Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers wil l become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7.) Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants.

8.) Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW

9.) Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name:
TittyTittyBangBang




See more funny videos at Funny or Die

THE CANDIDATES BLAME WEATHER FOR ECONOMIC FAILURE
Campaign spokesmen for McCain, Obama, RadioFreeEuropa-Tehranchik, Bob Barr, Cynthia Ann McKinney, Ralph Nader, and Charles O. Baldwin have issued a joint statement placing the blame for the current economic crisis on unregulated cirrus clouds and their effect on marijuana crops domestically and abroad. Though the candidates differ on solutions to the problem.


RFE-TC have issued a policy statement that they would in fact do away with the Fed altogether
and return to the Gold standard (Cuervo and Acapulco). Their GRASSroots organization has been conducting field research in Columbia, Hawaii, Jamaica and their basements since the earliest BUDding days of the Campaign. Tehranchik said in an interview on CNBC earlier this week "Under a regulated UV lamp of RFE-TC stimulus, our economy will MUSHROOM!"
RFE meanwhile issued a press release calling for drastically increasing the GNP (Grass National Product) eliminating the trade imbalance. "Don't underestimate American ingenuity, we the people can smoke the competition!" he implored.

"Our policy just makes SENS...." he further added that farm subsidies would need to be increased to stabilize the market after many years of over regulation which drove prices up artificially. The AP is reporting that poles taken from barbershops indicate RFE-TC's appointment of Tommy Chong to head the ATF has been favorably received by 80% of the public. (Of course 73% of all statistics are just made up.)


Palin's Version Of The Last Supper
The Other Candidates Weigh In As Well
GOP Flips Bird At America
McCain and Bush announce their new energy plan.
Burn wildlife fouled from oil spills!
"We'll sell 'em to ya cheap" said Palin at a rally of
insane uneducated racists. "N' they are renewable!...at least fer a while."

"Our administration will be made up entirely of fictional characters to match the entirely fictional policies we propose."





Don't forget to vote folks!