Profiles Of The GOP Candidates - Part 2 - Rick Santurum

Fear And Loathing In The GOP
America's dimmest incompetent xenophobes & homophobes seek to destroy the notion of democracy and make a few bucks in the process.

You have heard the old axiom "every nation has the government it deserves”. Sadly the truth of this is inescapably obvious today in these United States of America. Thanks to the lazy, ignorant, illiterate electorate a toxic brew of political incompetents, corporate lackeys, and self-serving money-grubbing douche-bags; so poisonous to our nation’s government, that it would seem beyond its ability to recover, now inhabit the halls of the nation's government. As we witness the current plague of rapacious circus clowns vying for the nation’s highest office we are inclined to willfully poke a sharp stick in our eyeballs to distract us from the pain.

A jab in the eyeball with a crudely sharpened stick is preferable to listening to any GOP presidential hopeful.

Regressive politics and ruinous political gridlock have left America virtually paralyzed. The collapse of the housing bubble/mortgage crisis continues, as does the financial meltdown that resulted. Incomes for 90% of Americans continue to lag far behind inflation; the middle class is destitute. The political forum ignores any serious issues such as dealing with climate changes, spiraling upwards energy and food prices, a rapacious health insurance system which continues to financially ravage the patients it portends to save, a disastrous trade policy, an ever expanding military budget that dwarfs the rest of the nations in the world combined, to name but a few.

Have you ever heard a more moronic comment?

But what are these assclowns concerned about? None of those things.They are worried about gays being included in civil rights guaranteed by a constitution they have never actually read much less understood , or the fact that some billionaire might have to pay more than half the tax rate a carpenter does.
The endgame is always some sort of advancement of an aristocracy over the notion of democracy.

I Don't Know About You,
But Clowns Have Always Given Us The Creeps

2012 GOP Clown Car Transports Candidates, Pundits & the Zombie Corpse of  Ronald Reagan to Hell.

This country absolutely doesn’t need any level-headed moderates or someone that is fluent in Mandarin like Jon Huntsman. Screw that guy. Good thing he dropped out! He’s a crazy Mormon like Obamney, all they want is to level up so they get their own planet to rule over. What we need are Jackass morons with shit for brains to address the issues that distract us from the reality of the dire circumstances our version of predatory capitalism has unleashed upon the world. "Dick" Santorum fits the bill. 

 

Vote For Me! I'm a P.O.S.!
No really!

Here's the breakdown on the candidate: He is mentioned in the bible (the sweater vest of many colors). He is obsessed with battling homosexuality and seems to feel preventing gays from having weddings is the most important issue in the world.... which more often than not means he's struggling with his own identity issues as we have seen from previous conservative bloviating posers who spend their time denouncing gays such as 20$ Robert "Bob" Allen, Stall man Larry Craig, Richard Curtis, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard, to name a but a few.

Rick Santorum- candidate...major wanker

He believes in a flat earth originally inhabited by Fred Flintstone and his dino-pals 6,000 years ago. He has some big flag pins that were made in China and like the current speaker of the house is known for crying. He has embarrassed his children and forced them to appear in his campaign ads as props. He was soundly given the boot in 2006 by his home district and removed from congress for generally being a worthless douche-bag embarrassing his constituents.

Rick's surname is synonymous with the combination of fecal matter, spermatozoa, and anal lubricants. (A feat unequaled by the other candidates!). What more could you want in a presidential candidate. Here you finally have a candidate who is a piece of shit both figuratively and literally! Seems to the National Buffoon staff he should be a shoe- in!  Besides, he looks like he'd have a birth certificate and he isn't in one of those wacky non-christian cults like many of his opponents. 

Santorum Should Be A Shoe-In For The GOP Nomination

  In Town For The 12,058th GOP Debate...

Mitt Romney gets into a bar and orders a beer.

I’d like a Budweiser.
There you go, sir.

Romney looks shocked.

I never asked for that! I clearly demanded a Coors light!

The barman avoids a confrontation.

Here’s your Coors light.

Romney stands back.

I never requested this beer! I’m the kind of guy drinking a Guinness!

Michele Bachmann gets in.

Hi, sir. Do you have beers what are not owned by the government?
That would be all of them, ma’am.
I am thirsty. Give me 10,000 pints of your most patriotic beer.

The barman tries to remain calm.

What about I give you one pint, and we see from there?
Are you telling me what I can and can’t drink? You want to take my freedom away?

She glares at the barman with crazy eyes. He decides to ignore her. And Romney as well.

Herman Cain gets in.

Hello sir, I would like to order a beer!
Sure, what do you want?
I don’t know.
Do you want to see the list of beers we carry?
I don’t want to read, I want to order a beer, right now!
So which beer would you like to order?
I don’t know, I just told you!

The barman gives him the same treatment as the other two and sees Rick Santorum getting in.

Hello, my good man. I would like a beer.
Which one?
Oh, I don’t care, whatever you have.
One Bud coming…
But I need you to sign this form to attest that this beer has not been served, transported, made or harvested by homosexuals.

At the same moment, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich and Jon Huntsman gets in the bar.

The barman grabs his shotgun and shoots himself in the head.

 

Think about this...not too long though lest your head explode..."A third of the young people in America are not in America because of abortion". Huh? And just think how many youngsters are held prisoner in condoms.

Part One of this article featuring Mitt Romney can be found here:

http://nationalbuffoon.blogspot.com/2012/02/profiles-of-gop-candidates-part-one.html

  

The GOP Loony Bin

Apparently no sane person would want to be President of the U.S.A.

You have to feel sorry for Americans, first all their jobs were shipped out to unregulated sweatshops in countries where labor and life are dirt cheap. Then the corporate cartels and Wall Street Banksters who benefited from the job heist, speculated in the real estate market causing a bubble that collapsed the values of the one thing middle class families had equity in...their homes. As if that wasn't enough, just to add insult to injury the same white collar thugs who robbed the nation blind demanded reimbursement from the very people they robbed to replace the capital they lost betting against America, playing "time bomb" with worthless "instruments" they concocted, running Ponzi Schemes, and "price-fixing" markets. Now to add salt to the wounds of voters; already despondent, dismayed, beaten down, and battered from mismanagement and plain old idiocy from their government representatives, they have been forced to endure 2 zillion debates and endless jaw flapping from the GOP B Team. That's right, you heard right, even though the economy is in shambles which means the sitting president historically is toast, the best and brightest of the opposition are making like ostriches and burying their heads under ground. No one with half a brain is remotely interested in presiding over what is being done to America right now. ENTER THE "B" TEAM...a bunch of loser misfits unable to form coherent sentences, let alone a policy that might be helpful, or at least not harmful.  

Yes, it's the B team....unlike the TV show or Movie of a similar name, this ragtag collection of ne'r-do-wells don't help anyone but themselves, are not mindlessly entertaining to anyone but the Koch Brothers & Rupert Murdoch, always are fighting for injustice, and don't even know how to operate a van.

 Taking a cue from the B team, other candidates have stuck with Hollywood themes as well to sell themselves to the extremists er uh, I mean voters.

The Shining

In Gastrointestinal Productions release called

"Lustin' Power- Man of Misogyny", Candidate Newt Gingrich plays" Dr. Evil"
to mixed reviews.

  

Meanwhile back in Michele's Bat Cave sometimes called the house of representatives,
Bat Boy Cantor swings into action delivering blow after blow to those criminals who had the unmitigated audacity not to be billionaires. "These bastards have had it far too easy" he said while using a tree saw to slit the throat of a senior citizen applying for Medicare.

Earlier the fellow who bought all the leftover QT instant tanning cream on E - Bay
Starred in his own production of "Much Ado About Nothing".
The critics were brutal, calling it the worst performance ever.

After Failing at the box office with his first effort as Dr. Evil, 

Newt began trying to con people into buying used junker ideas.

Yeah, it was only used once by an old lady in Pasadena.

Newt supports eliminating child labor laws so those damned moocher children can be used as indentured slaves. Again he got the idea from watching a movie...."Oliver Twist".

Yeah! Put dem little bastards to work!  The bums!

Movie goers have seen this plot before. The original release was foul enough.
But a sequel? No way.

 But the big "surprise" box office thrust was from Rick Santorum
who starred in a double feature that swept Iowa off it's feet
when he came from behind with these 2 double features.
His crappy remake called
Ricky & The Chocolate Factory...

 And his stunning role in his own cheap remake of  Tarantino's film
"Insidious Bastards"

 (In this version, there is a plot to throw Hitler a birthday party).

 

 

After poor ticket sales the Bachmann Show closed and she went home.

 

The Perry Show was continued for some reason however.
Probably because the Koch Brothers who produce the show

have nothing better to do with their money.

When the theater rain has been used up, and the stagehands have all gone home,

the box office bombs will have become mere bad memories of a stench,
it will be Mitt Romney making the curtain call....not that his act is good mind you.
It is not.
However he is the only production out there capable of delivering his lines.
He can put a few words together to form a sentence.
All the other "stars" will be in rehab.
At the end of the day there is no other GOP choice.

But there is one other possible outcome.

The GOP may be forced to run the only candidates they seem to have who would appeal to voters in a general election. You know, the ones who realize an erection is not "personal growth".
In early polling, The Kraken-Cthulhu team actually pulls nearly 50% of both Republicans & Democrats!

GOP
This is your best chance of winning.
Run these guys and you may just take the White House.
Of course they will eat you.
But winning is all that really matters.