American Idiot - Douchebags and Wankers

I have long lamented the intentional destruction of language.
Language is important, it is the medium through which we communicate ideas.
Destroy the medium and ideas can not be communicated.
This is being achieved through conditioning and deception.
Notice how the word "government" is now used in a way that intentionally
does not distinguish between legitimate democracy and totalitarianism.

 Back in 1996, Newt Gingrich's political action committee (GOPAC) mailed a pamphlet entitled "Language, A Key Mechanism of Control" to Republicans across the country.
The booklet lays out a plan to destroy language, to steal it. To assign new meanings to words.
Obviously reasoning occurs mostly through the medium of language, right?
The destruction of reason requires the destruction of language.
Words and phrases of language  have become the battleground in political war.
 They are either owned or controlled by one side or the other.
(The whole idea that there is only one side or the other is in itself toxic, it's the kind of thinking associated with mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, aggression and, especially, borderline personality disorder. It's an erroneous form of cognition, Where there is a spectrum of possibilities, they are divided only into two parts, with a blurring of distinctions within those categories. Shades of gray are missed; everything is considered either black or white.
Where in actuality complex realities are not binary.)
The goal of political rhetoric is to take control of every word and weaponize it.

Weaponized words are used in twisted ways, often as the opposite of their customary meanings.
The aim of this distorted language is not simply to defeat their political enemy, but to ruin the minds of the people who buy into their rhetoric. A person who can not discern relative truths or reason is much easier to manipulate than one who can.

Here are some recent examples:

We have often heard the person who champions reforms refered to as "elitists"
This is a particularly toxic distortion.
Offering reforms is a basic part of democracy, something that every citizen can do.

Not too long ago, the term “elite” referred to those who had achieved some worthwhile accomplishment; Perhaps reaching the pinnacle of a profession, receiving  some type of significant honor, or serving in a high office.

 There were once many routes to becoming elite and they all implied having accomplished something beneficial.
 Who wants to be elite now?
No one.
The word has been completely corrupted and it's meaning destroyed.


“Little” was always a standard way to describe something small; a child, an amount of time,  anything not particularly oversized.

While it wasn’t the most imaginative adjective, it was a useful one.
Now it's definition has become a generic derogation.
Even when spelled correctly, “little” is now demeaning and disrespectful.
When deliberately (or maybe not) misspelled as “liddle”, it’s currently a uniquely nasty insult.
The word“beautiful” is being destroyed as well  because it's being applied to projects that are  either non-existent, undesirable, or senseless. Things like a health plan that doesn't help anyone with their health,, an absurd wall on the southern border of the United States, or massive corporate tax cuts when revenues are less than expenses. Beautiful now means Jackassery.
Who wants to be beautiful?
No one.
The word has been completely corrupted and it's meaning destroyed.

Take a word like “optics”. Originally, this was a word used in the scientific study of light or transmission and deflection of radiation, it’s now become “the way in which a course of action is perceived by the public”.
(That definition is limited to North American usage. The rest of the world leaves it alone.)
 Trump has reduced “optics” to a word marking his appearances on TV; a mere photo-op.

Take the word "promise" A Trump “promise” is not something to keep, but something to break; verified empirical truth has become “fake news”. Thriving, as the New York Times has done within the last year, means “failing’ in the Trump-revised dictionary.

Clichés  have been elevated in importance, and the symbol of American decline likes to load up his twit tweets with them.

“Thoughts and prayers” have replaced useful generosity
And they are abundantly offered to despairing refugees, victims of massacres, Gold Star families and the millions who have lost everything to hurricanes, floods and fires.

“Wait and see” is another pet Orange Julius phrase.
It must be repeated the customary twice.
It never refers to anything good , but always yet another impending administrative disaster.

All is not lost because Twitler  has inadvertently enlarged our vocabularies in another valuable direction. Words Americans may have forgotten from college courses in Sociology or Psychology 101 and 102 are now readily accessible to everyone! Words such as sociopath, which is still defined as someone “revenge oriented, exhibiting grandiosity, lacking empathy, failure to accept consequences of his own acts, sense of superiority without commensurate achievements, sexual promiscuity, blatant lying, impulsive and compulsive acts, sense of entitlement, paranoia, delusion and aberrant behavior.

Also “malignant narcissism”...it's unavoidable.
So we still at least have those words and their meanings intact.

Republican Debates Are Over, Who Will Clean This Mess Up?

The Debates are over. Who won? No one really.
Who lost? The American people.
In a straw poll taken after the debate, a new fear has stricken Americans.
Yes, they are deeply concerned that the rest of the world might have seen it.
And fear the United States’ prestige around the world has been flushed down the toilet.
Airlines expressed concern international broadcasts of the debate would greatly diminish their business. As people from the US will never desire to ever travel abroad or talk to foreigners again.
In another measure of Americans’ discomfort with Fox's televised event, those surveyed strongly agreed that the U.S. government should block the foreign transmission of any future debates, and that Fox News should air a disclaimer and explanation of the contest beforehand, but no one had any idea what that explanation could possibly be.
Domestically there was an upside...the pharmaceutical companies report a marked increase in sales of both anti-depressants and anti-nausea medications!
It is felicitous that Trump is in the race, after all it's become simply another "reality TV show".
With all the class and intelligence of the typical genre. With a wealth of candidates and 16 more of these shameful displays of ignorance and embarrassing amentia on tap the show's producers hope it will be as big a hit as their other lousy embarrassing reality shows, "The Jersey Shore" & "Ew, Who farted?" 

In case you missed it here's a synopsis.

The candidates all agreed Jesus wrote the constitution, and all were in favor of more war and military spending. They all also agreed that all government spending that didn't directly benefit the billionaires and multinational corporate oligarchs was bad. Arguments broke out about who was loonier, who God said he was voting for, and which Clinton they despised more...but other than Trump's bombastic remarks, it was all predictable and silly. The same old crap about the billionaires being over taxed and military spending needing to be increased. The same old crap about programs that benefit people other than the billionaires are evil. Research, public education, evil! Walmart good. Coal and Koch industries good. "Look fire come from tiny box!" OOO   OOO!
Rubio pointed out afterwards that his wife was a Miami Dolphins cheerleader, which is nice because she would know how to appear to be enthusiastic about someone who stands no chance of winning.

Scott Walker announced his plan to destroy Planned Parenthood by forcing horny teenagers to stare at photo of his face. Why is all his hair on only one side of his head?  Why do all these guys have weird hair of one kind or another? Maybe they are all Martians in poorly outfitted rubber human suits? Hey it's more plausible than anything said during the televised harebrained foolishness passing for a debate.
Mike Huckabee said that every animal on earth lived within walking distance of Noah's house.
Donald Trump proposed a gold plated helicopter replace Air Force One.
Bush discussed strategies to limit minority voting. Inexplicably Ben Carson contributed some ideas.
Then Jeb added "As Governor of Florida, I got my brother elected & thus... killed a bunch of innocent Iraqis and created ISIS. You're welcome"
The candidates argued about which scientific facts pissed them off the most while Chris Wallace ignited one of Bret Baier's farts with a lighter. Scott Walker told Megyn Kelly he liked rape and incest. Rand Paul admitted he wanted to be the president so more people would kiss his ass every day. They all agreed they liked fetuses, and want them all armed with machine guns, but they don't like vaginas except for Trump. They agreed vaginas were tolerable as long as they had muzzles.
Megyn Kelly said "Hey now, let's cut out all the crazy talk we've all encouraged and glorified since going on the air back when Bill Clinton was the president!"
Kasich claimed he should be president because his father was a mailman.
Ted Cruz claimed he had the best plan to screw over the middle class, and lamented about not being the one who killed that lion. The debate was made more colorful by the addition of not just Ben Carson, but "audience" questions via facebook Fox News fans.
These were the hard hitting questions of the evening.
"What's your favorite Ricky Martin song?"
"Do you watch game of thrones?"
"What do you think of Hillary's Hair?"
"Hey was the moon landing real?"
"Who should I hate once Obama is gone?"
"Do you think you should pay taxes?"
"What do you think of this crazy spherical earth talk?"
"How exactly do you get your head that far up your ass? Yoga?"

After the show, no one at Fox was available for comment, they were all too busy celebrating Jon Stewart leaving the Daily Show by popping champagne bottles on Bill O Riley's Penis.


 

Christie Pissed Off Because Of Exclusion From Debates

Chris Christie gathered supporters at his old high school in Livingston, New Jersey after being snubbed by Rupert Murdoch. Angry not to have been included in the Fox Republican Debates, Christie announces his plans to give America a giant wedgie. Yes that's right, "and that pussy Ted Cruz will eat my shorts too" he said in a press release.
Known for his blunt abrasive style, the loose cannon Republican anti-union candidate unveiled his  new campaign slogan by etching “Suck it America” into a locker with a half digested pen, then shoving Bobby Jindal’s head into its door and demanding that he read it back. When the stunned victim struggled to recite the words, Christie jammed a tampon down his throat and sucker punched him in the gut before sticking his head in a urinal and flushing.

Christie is the first GOP candidate among the 200 or so who claim to be running to set forth a national noogie policy. He made it clear that his direct “Vote for me or I'll kick your sorry ass” slogan will be central to his campaign. After cracking his knuckles and spitting into the faces of the audience, he declared, “All you dipshits suck.”
Although he didn’t provide specifics on his foreign policy strategy, Christie stated it would be heavily centered around “whooping the teachers asses.”  When asked about his stance on immigration, he said "That's right, it's a stance...I'll stand on their backs until they break". When reporters inquired about what he'd do about the growing poverty rate in the country, he chuckled and said " I'll close that bridge when I come to it" while kicking the school's janitor in the balls.
The New Jersey governor added a personal touch to his speech by reminiscing about  his high school memories. “Why did I choose here for my press conference? Because I friggin’ owned this place.” He pointed to the cafeteria. “You see that table? That’s where I smashed that nerd Bret Baier's ugly face into a bowl of fish sticks. Told that chucklehead  it was the closest he'd ever come to eating pussy.” "I hated those teachers though, they sent me to detention for beating up the nerds...that's why I have striven to take away their benefits, insulted the shit out of them, and attacked education at every opportunity! I promise to destroy public education for the whole country if elected. It's revenge you see. Ya' friggin' pussies."

"America likes getting swirlies" Jeb knows what I’m talking about... He laughed then added, “And that cunt Rick Santurum is gonna find out real soon!”
      Christie concluded his speech by having a state policeman taze an audience member, and  then he drew a penis on his cheek with a Sharpie, after which he challenged Rick Perry to a “smackdown in the senior lot after fifth period.” While state workers struggled to lift his liter and carry him across the football field to a helicopter, a reporter asked why he was running since Trump really provided the same comic relief. "Your a faggot" he exclaimed while literally strapping on a feed bag full of Wawa hoagies. And as the helicopter lifted off he gave everyone the finger.

Although Christie has no chance whatsoever of winning the GOP nomination
he will be at the convention and the GOP will use him for a blimp.

Republicans

{The\ Republican\ Party}, is also known affectionately as the God/Guns & Oil Party (GOP). It is a division of Halliburton and a subsidiary of the Federalist Society Of Major Dickheads , formerly known as the Federal Government of the United States. Its main function is to boost the sales of Chinese made flag lapel pins and magnets. As of 2007, despite receiving a good ol' Texas 'thumpin' it is one of the largest misanthropic organizations in the world. Well known for its Ultra-Orthodox Fascist practice of plutocratic centrism, in which no party member is allowed to disagree with the central organization for any reason. In fact I knew a guy who tried to disagree once. They later found his dead body floating in the Potomac River. His corpse displayed signs of torture and wild violation. This causes Republicans great stress and results in bi-weekly mass Republican orgies in public toilets in Washington, DC.and elsewhere.

Subdivisions

Rockefeller Republicans

An endangered species. These guys are the ones that are slowly being killed off by sectarian death squads. They are mostly well-educated and wealthy suburbanites and are quite moderate, a lot of them are even pro-choice and pro-gay. Some of them are very, very pro-gay. These guys were in power before Pat Robertson started to making bizzare clicks and grunts that awoke hordes of  brain eating zombies. Currently, they are in fact listed as an "Endangered Species" by the Endangered Species Act due to hunting by radical clerics and population reduction due to loss of habitat due to their own economic policies. Many of members of this sub-species live in Log Cabins.

A new study shows current members of Congress speak at a 10th grade level.
When reached for comment, Congressman Eric Cantor said, “Nuh-uh!”

Republican Republicans

A sub-species that dominates the modern republican party. Their natural range is the Bible Belt and mosquito infested swamps. They are sometimes confused with zombies on election day as any resident of a town of less than 100,000 people and that is more than 300 miles inland would say. However, this strain of zombieism is different than any others as its members/hosts are still metabolically active and reproduce.  Because of the emerging overpopulation of zombies attributed to this, a new, compassionate campaign of "spay and neuter your fundy" has begun. Also, the common mink has been introduced to act as predators in areas just outside of these creatures' home range, such as Colorado and Ohio. This strategy of zombie management has sustained some success in the last year or so. In fact, wildlife experts are becoming cautiously optimistic that this vermin species can be contained.

Tea Party Republicans
The dirty, ugly, fat and inbred white trash. Predominantly NRA members who drink in excess and wear white sheets. Usually they live in old trailer parks or run down shacks. Favorite foods include "Turducken" and "Chicken Fried Bacon". All suffer from  morbid obesity and love to chug gravy. Hobbies also inlucde: banjo playing, watching NASCAR, and incest.

Republican Convention

Tree Chopper Republicans Also known as "tree kicker republicans". These guys are the antithesis to tree huggers and have a clinical hatred of nearly every tree species known to man. If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it fall, most likely it's because a republican is quietly leveling a forest in order to build another shopping mall. In their spare time they start forest fires.

Origins

The Republican Party was founded by Your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, well-known for His free-market  pro-gun, anti-abortion (so you can shoot the sheriff when he comes and arrests you for abortion), anti-tax, anti-poor, & anti-Liberal stance. He once said the poor are fat and lazy bastards that are only alive because Democrats steal Republicans money to "give" to the lazy workers, middle class spud heads & stinky poor".

Glory Days

The Republicans  took  control of the Roman Empire, which led to a  unprecedented decline and decay.
The Log Cabin Faction became the leaders and the Roman Empire was eventually destroyed while they were busy fiddling with their logs.

Born Again

In the early 1900s, George Washington re-established Republican values by drive-by shooting Queen Victoria and her son Jack the Ripper. Americans have been ruled by fear ever since. except for 8 years when Bill Clinton terrorized the bible belt with his blatant heterosexuality.

The Seal Of The Republican Party (before the teabaggers).

Today
Republicans are very loyal to their own of any political party members.  Even if you raped over 9000 boys, you would still be applauded by the National Committee for your bravery and patriotism. Also Republicans do not believe in science, truth, psychology, gravity, common sense, and free will, unlike their radical commie counter parts the Democrats. Republican daily life revolves around the office and church. The average Republican will usually wake up at six in the morning & spend the day yelling at servants while constantly abusing Mexicans, teenagers and middle class folks who have an education.  After a hard day of yelling, shiting on the floor,  demanding servants clean it up, and eating, the republican packs up the children and goes to church. At church, the Republican speaks in tongues, shaves its pubes and handles snakes while the children are taught to forget everything they learned in science class. At church they also take part in occultist rituals and human sacrifice. They often repeat this for 6 days a week, except for Saturday after church, when the "coon-hunting" occurs.

GOP POLICIES

• Lower education standards.
• Lower taxes AND raise deficit spending.
• Scare the hell out of people so they condone Endless War.
• Dump the American greenback currency in favor of condor gonads and manatee hides.
• Increasing government spending to fund a wasteful military-industrial complex and give welfare to greedy corporations.
• Preach about God
• Erect  monuments to dumb-ass's like  Bill O'Reilly.
• Faith based initiatives..."What would Satan do?"
  

  

  Sean Hannity exaggerates the size of his penis

  
  

  

  The GOP Seal (after the teabaggers)

  

  
  

Profiles Of The GOP Candidates - Part 2 - Rick Santurum

Fear And Loathing In The GOP
America's dimmest incompetent xenophobes & homophobes seek to destroy the notion of democracy and make a few bucks in the process.

You have heard the old axiom "every nation has the government it deserves”. Sadly the truth of this is inescapably obvious today in these United States of America. Thanks to the lazy, ignorant, illiterate electorate a toxic brew of political incompetents, corporate lackeys, and self-serving money-grubbing douche-bags; so poisonous to our nation’s government, that it would seem beyond its ability to recover, now inhabit the halls of the nation's government. As we witness the current plague of rapacious circus clowns vying for the nation’s highest office we are inclined to willfully poke a sharp stick in our eyeballs to distract us from the pain.

A jab in the eyeball with a crudely sharpened stick is preferable to listening to any GOP presidential hopeful.

Regressive politics and ruinous political gridlock have left America virtually paralyzed. The collapse of the housing bubble/mortgage crisis continues, as does the financial meltdown that resulted. Incomes for 90% of Americans continue to lag far behind inflation; the middle class is destitute. The political forum ignores any serious issues such as dealing with climate changes, spiraling upwards energy and food prices, a rapacious health insurance system which continues to financially ravage the patients it portends to save, a disastrous trade policy, an ever expanding military budget that dwarfs the rest of the nations in the world combined, to name but a few.

Have you ever heard a more moronic comment?

But what are these assclowns concerned about? None of those things.They are worried about gays being included in civil rights guaranteed by a constitution they have never actually read much less understood , or the fact that some billionaire might have to pay more than half the tax rate a carpenter does.
The endgame is always some sort of advancement of an aristocracy over the notion of democracy.

I Don't Know About You,
But Clowns Have Always Given Us The Creeps

2012 GOP Clown Car Transports Candidates, Pundits & the Zombie Corpse of  Ronald Reagan to Hell.

This country absolutely doesn’t need any level-headed moderates or someone that is fluent in Mandarin like Jon Huntsman. Screw that guy. Good thing he dropped out! He’s a crazy Mormon like Obamney, all they want is to level up so they get their own planet to rule over. What we need are Jackass morons with shit for brains to address the issues that distract us from the reality of the dire circumstances our version of predatory capitalism has unleashed upon the world. "Dick" Santorum fits the bill. 

 

Vote For Me! I'm a P.O.S.!
No really!

Here's the breakdown on the candidate: He is mentioned in the bible (the sweater vest of many colors). He is obsessed with battling homosexuality and seems to feel preventing gays from having weddings is the most important issue in the world.... which more often than not means he's struggling with his own identity issues as we have seen from previous conservative bloviating posers who spend their time denouncing gays such as 20$ Robert "Bob" Allen, Stall man Larry Craig, Richard Curtis, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard, to name a but a few.

Rick Santorum- candidate...major wanker

He believes in a flat earth originally inhabited by Fred Flintstone and his dino-pals 6,000 years ago. He has some big flag pins that were made in China and like the current speaker of the house is known for crying. He has embarrassed his children and forced them to appear in his campaign ads as props. He was soundly given the boot in 2006 by his home district and removed from congress for generally being a worthless douche-bag embarrassing his constituents.

Rick's surname is synonymous with the combination of fecal matter, spermatozoa, and anal lubricants. (A feat unequaled by the other candidates!). What more could you want in a presidential candidate. Here you finally have a candidate who is a piece of shit both figuratively and literally! Seems to the National Buffoon staff he should be a shoe- in!  Besides, he looks like he'd have a birth certificate and he isn't in one of those wacky non-christian cults like many of his opponents. 

Santorum Should Be A Shoe-In For The GOP Nomination

  In Town For The 12,058th GOP Debate...

Mitt Romney gets into a bar and orders a beer.

I’d like a Budweiser.
There you go, sir.

Romney looks shocked.

I never asked for that! I clearly demanded a Coors light!

The barman avoids a confrontation.

Here’s your Coors light.

Romney stands back.

I never requested this beer! I’m the kind of guy drinking a Guinness!

Michele Bachmann gets in.

Hi, sir. Do you have beers what are not owned by the government?
That would be all of them, ma’am.
I am thirsty. Give me 10,000 pints of your most patriotic beer.

The barman tries to remain calm.

What about I give you one pint, and we see from there?
Are you telling me what I can and can’t drink? You want to take my freedom away?

She glares at the barman with crazy eyes. He decides to ignore her. And Romney as well.

Herman Cain gets in.

Hello sir, I would like to order a beer!
Sure, what do you want?
I don’t know.
Do you want to see the list of beers we carry?
I don’t want to read, I want to order a beer, right now!
So which beer would you like to order?
I don’t know, I just told you!

The barman gives him the same treatment as the other two and sees Rick Santorum getting in.

Hello, my good man. I would like a beer.
Which one?
Oh, I don’t care, whatever you have.
One Bud coming…
But I need you to sign this form to attest that this beer has not been served, transported, made or harvested by homosexuals.

At the same moment, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich and Jon Huntsman gets in the bar.

The barman grabs his shotgun and shoots himself in the head.

 

Think about this...not too long though lest your head explode..."A third of the young people in America are not in America because of abortion". Huh? And just think how many youngsters are held prisoner in condoms.

Part One of this article featuring Mitt Romney can be found here:

http://nationalbuffoon.blogspot.com/2012/02/profiles-of-gop-candidates-part-one.html

  

Profiles Of The GOP Candidates- Part One- MITT ROMNEY

It has been said by the punditry that Mitt Romney is the 'man to beat' in the race to become the Republican nomination for President in the 2012 election. We here at National Buffoon agree he definitely needs a good beating or at least a spanking. Mitt Romney is often accused of 'flip-flopping', but our investigative reporters could find no evidence to support this claim. Every photo uncovered showed him wearing shoes, and never any kind of sandals, let alone a pair of flip flops.

Mitt Romey is a sinister cult member, Moron, Mormon from Michigan. In fact he used to be a Mormon Missionary, so he is well used to poking his nose into other people's business and telling them what to do, which is why he wants to be President.

Mitt explains why the federal government must intervene in the personal lives of citizens and why they must not.

  Romney inherited a ton of dough, and keeps much of it in offshore accounts

to avoid the meager 15% tax he'd have to pay if he kept it

in legitimate accounts here in the U.S.A.
As a vulture capitalist he has a long history of raiding companies using borrowed money, dumping the debt incurred from the purchase on the company purchased, firing a bunch of workers and replacing them with cheap sweatshops in exotic locales, and then re-badging the business and dumping it on some schmucks for a tidy profit...or just bankrupting it and pocketing scores of millions of greenbacks in the process.

Mitt is hoping the fact that he is a descendant of Mormons who moved to Mexico from the U.S. in the late 1800s to avoid the laws against polygamy will score him some big time Latino voters
. His grandfather and father were born in the northern state of Chihuahua after all.
(I hope he has his official birth certificate...with a seal...no, a walrus just won't do).
His father came to the U.S. with his parents at age five. 

“I am NOT GONNA aoplogize for ESTEALING YOUR DINERO LEGALLY! Ajua!

  Addressing complaints from  voters that his new Spanish-language Nosotros TV commercial was Greek to them, Gov. Mitt Romney’s campaign today released a subtitled version of the ad, available here for the first time in this National Buffoon exclusive video. 

Romney recently called a press conference to address growing concerns regarding rumors circulating that his undergarments possess some type of magical properties. The 64-year old former Massachusetts Governor was adamant that his underwear was just as normal as anyone else's.

“Look, Mormons catch a lot of flack for their underwear, but my underpants are just as normal as anyone else's,” explained Romney. “People joke that Mormons wear `magic' underwear, but that's just nonsense.

 Our underpants represent our faith, and remind us that we need to stay pure. Every single time we see our underpants on us, it's like God is saying `dude, I know you're all alone, and you thought Jim's third wife was pretty risque showing off those ankles of hers, but look at your underwear!'
It's like a chastity belt you see, but without all the chaffing.”

Romney responded harshly to a question from the audience from a journalist asking how the underwear could stop someone from playing with themselves. “Look, it's all a part of the Mormon faith, okay? The underwear is just a last line of defense. When I pee, I use my special salad tongs to handle the equipment. When I'm showering, I need to use a special sponge-ladle with needles sticking out of it, to make sure I get no pleasure from washing . It's all a small price to pay for being so in-touch with God the Father who is now on a planet near the star Kolob with his wives ...without any touching though, obviously.”

When a National Buffoon White House correspondent asked Romney where the myth about Mormon underwear's magical capabilities comes from, Romney shoved both hands into his pants, pulling his underwear off without so much as lifting a leg. “That's where. We Mormons can do that. It's something you learn at Brigham Young. Whenever people see that, they think it's magic, but really, it's just being limber from all the years of sexual repression we have to endure .”

A few moments later, Romney moved the underwear slightly, and a rabbit fell out of them, followed briefly by a dove flying out of them into the air. “I don't know how that happened! Our underwear isn't magic, I swear! Well, I don't swear to God, that would be a sin. ..but yeah, I promise these underpants aren't magical!”

           

In a related story, GOP Presidential candidate and former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman also made underwear-related headlines today when, according to numerous eyewitnesses, Huntsman used his Mormon underwear to save a child that had fallen into a well in Eastern Iowa. Witness accounts cite that Huntsman, after removing his underwear in a fashion similar to that of Romney, pulled a long series of handkerchiefs from the supposedly non-magical underwear, using them as a rope to rescue the young child. The boy was reportedly thankful that Huntsman had rescued him, but was also “creeped out” that Huntsman opted to use his underwear for the rescue, rather than the large pile of rope that had been sitting next to the old well.

The GOP Loony Bin

Apparently no sane person would want to be President of the U.S.A.

You have to feel sorry for Americans, first all their jobs were shipped out to unregulated sweatshops in countries where labor and life are dirt cheap. Then the corporate cartels and Wall Street Banksters who benefited from the job heist, speculated in the real estate market causing a bubble that collapsed the values of the one thing middle class families had equity in...their homes. As if that wasn't enough, just to add insult to injury the same white collar thugs who robbed the nation blind demanded reimbursement from the very people they robbed to replace the capital they lost betting against America, playing "time bomb" with worthless "instruments" they concocted, running Ponzi Schemes, and "price-fixing" markets. Now to add salt to the wounds of voters; already despondent, dismayed, beaten down, and battered from mismanagement and plain old idiocy from their government representatives, they have been forced to endure 2 zillion debates and endless jaw flapping from the GOP B Team. That's right, you heard right, even though the economy is in shambles which means the sitting president historically is toast, the best and brightest of the opposition are making like ostriches and burying their heads under ground. No one with half a brain is remotely interested in presiding over what is being done to America right now. ENTER THE "B" TEAM...a bunch of loser misfits unable to form coherent sentences, let alone a policy that might be helpful, or at least not harmful.  

Yes, it's the B team....unlike the TV show or Movie of a similar name, this ragtag collection of ne'r-do-wells don't help anyone but themselves, are not mindlessly entertaining to anyone but the Koch Brothers & Rupert Murdoch, always are fighting for injustice, and don't even know how to operate a van.

 Taking a cue from the B team, other candidates have stuck with Hollywood themes as well to sell themselves to the extremists er uh, I mean voters.

The Shining

In Gastrointestinal Productions release called

"Lustin' Power- Man of Misogyny", Candidate Newt Gingrich plays" Dr. Evil"
to mixed reviews.

  

Meanwhile back in Michele's Bat Cave sometimes called the house of representatives,
Bat Boy Cantor swings into action delivering blow after blow to those criminals who had the unmitigated audacity not to be billionaires. "These bastards have had it far too easy" he said while using a tree saw to slit the throat of a senior citizen applying for Medicare.

Earlier the fellow who bought all the leftover QT instant tanning cream on E - Bay
Starred in his own production of "Much Ado About Nothing".
The critics were brutal, calling it the worst performance ever.

After Failing at the box office with his first effort as Dr. Evil, 

Newt began trying to con people into buying used junker ideas.

Yeah, it was only used once by an old lady in Pasadena.

Newt supports eliminating child labor laws so those damned moocher children can be used as indentured slaves. Again he got the idea from watching a movie...."Oliver Twist".

Yeah! Put dem little bastards to work!  The bums!

Movie goers have seen this plot before. The original release was foul enough.
But a sequel? No way.

 But the big "surprise" box office thrust was from Rick Santorum
who starred in a double feature that swept Iowa off it's feet
when he came from behind with these 2 double features.
His crappy remake called
Ricky & The Chocolate Factory...

 And his stunning role in his own cheap remake of  Tarantino's film
"Insidious Bastards"

 (In this version, there is a plot to throw Hitler a birthday party).

 

 

After poor ticket sales the Bachmann Show closed and she went home.

 

The Perry Show was continued for some reason however.
Probably because the Koch Brothers who produce the show

have nothing better to do with their money.

When the theater rain has been used up, and the stagehands have all gone home,

the box office bombs will have become mere bad memories of a stench,
it will be Mitt Romney making the curtain call....not that his act is good mind you.
It is not.
However he is the only production out there capable of delivering his lines.
He can put a few words together to form a sentence.
All the other "stars" will be in rehab.
At the end of the day there is no other GOP choice.

But there is one other possible outcome.

The GOP may be forced to run the only candidates they seem to have who would appeal to voters in a general election. You know, the ones who realize an erection is not "personal growth".
In early polling, The Kraken-Cthulhu team actually pulls nearly 50% of both Republicans & Democrats!

GOP
This is your best chance of winning.
Run these guys and you may just take the White House.
Of course they will eat you.
But winning is all that really matters.