Showing posts with label crappy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crappy. Show all posts

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Profiles Of The GOP Candidates - Part 2 - Rick Santurum

Fear And Loathing In The GOP
America's dimmest incompetent xenophobes & homophobes
seek to destroy the notion of democracy and make a few bucks in the process.

You have heard the old axiom "every nation has the government it deserves”. Sadly the truth of this is inescapably obvious today in these United States of America. Thanks to the lazy, ignorant, illiterate electorate a toxic brew of political incompetents, corporate lackeys, and self-serving money-grubbing douche-bags; so poisonous to our nation’s government, that it would seem beyond its ability to recover, now inhabit the halls of the nation's government. As we witness the current plague of rapacious circus clowns vying for the nation’s highest office we are inclined to willfully poke a sharp stick in our eyeballs to distract us from the pain.

A jab in the eyeball with a crudely sharpened stick is preferable to listening to any GOP presidential hopeful.

Regressive politics and ruinous political gridlock have left America virtually paralyzed. The collapse of the housing bubble/mortgage crisis continues, as does the financial meltdown that resulted. Incomes for 90% of Americans continue to lag far behind inflation; the middle class is destitute. The political forum ignores any serious issues such as dealing with climate changes, spiraling upwards energy and food prices, a rapacious health insurance system which continues to financially ravage the patients it portends to save, a disastrous trade policy, an ever expanding military budget that dwarfs the rest of the nations in the world combined, to name but a few.
Have you ever heard a more moronic comment?

But what are these assclowns concerned about? None of those things.They are worried about gays being included in civil rights guaranteed by a constitution they have never actually read much less understood , or the fact that some billionaire might have to pay more than half the tax rate a carpenter does.
The endgame is always some sort of advancement of an aristocracy over the notion of democracy.

I Don't Know About You,
But Clowns Have Always Given Us The Creeps
2012 GOP Clown Car Transports Candidates, Pundits & the Zombie Corpse of  Ronald Reagan to Hell.

This country absolutely doesn’t need any level-headed moderates or someone that is fluent in Mandarin like Jon Huntsman. Screw that guy. Good thing he dropped out! He’s a crazy Mormon like Obamney, all they want is to level up so they get their own planet to rule over. What we need are Jackass morons with shit for brains to address the issues that distract us from the reality of the dire circumstances our version of predatory capitalism has unleashed upon the world. "Dick" Santorum fits the bill. 
 
Vote For Me! I'm a P.O.S.!
No really!
Here's the breakdown on the candidate: He is mentioned in the bible (the sweater vest of many colors). He is obsessed with battling homosexuality and seems to feel preventing gays from having weddings is the most important issue in the world.... which more often than not means he's struggling with his own identity issues as we have seen from previous conservative bloviating posers who spend their time denouncing gays such as 20$ Robert "Bob" Allen, Stall man Larry Craig, Richard Curtis, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard, to name a but a few.

Rick Santorum- candidate...major wanker

He believes in a flat earth originally inhabited by Fred Flintstone and his dino-pals 6,000 years ago. He has some big flag pins that were made in China and like the current speaker of the house is known for crying. He has embarrassed his children and forced them to appear in his campaign ads as props. He was soundly given the boot in 2006 by his home district and removed from congress for generally being a worthless douche-bag embarrassing his constituents.


Rick's surname is synonymous with the combination of fecal matter, spermatozoa, and anal lubricants. (A feat unequaled by the other candidates!). What more could you want in a presidential candidate. Here you finally have a candidate who is a piece of shit both figuratively and literally! Seems to the National Buffoon staff he should be a shoe- in!  Besides, he looks like he'd have a birth certificate and he isn't in one of those wacky non-christian cults like many of his opponents. 

Santorum Should Be A Shoe-In For The GOP Nomination


  In Town For The 12,058th GOP Debate...

Mitt Romney gets into a bar and orders a beer.
I’d like a Budweiser.
There you go, sir.
Romney looks shocked.
I never asked for that! I clearly demanded a Coors light!
The barman avoids a confrontation.
Here’s your Coors light.
Romney stands back.
I never requested this beer! I’m the kind of guy drinking a Guinness!
Michele Bachmann gets in.
Hi, sir. Do you have beers what are not owned by the government?
That would be all of them, ma’am.
I am thirsty. Give me 10,000 pints of your most patriotic beer.
The barman tries to remain calm.
What about I give you one pint, and we see from there?
Are you telling me what I can and can’t drink? You want to take my freedom away?
She glares at the barman with crazy eyes. He decides to ignore her. And Romney as well.
Herman Cain gets in.
Hello sir, I would like to order a beer!
Sure, what do you want?
I don’t know.
Do you want to see the list of beers we carry?
I don’t want to read, I want to order a beer, right now!
So which beer would you like to order?
I don’t know, I just told you!
The barman gives him the same treatment as the other two and sees Rick Santorum getting in.
Hello, my good man. I would like a beer.
Which one?
Oh, I don’t care, whatever you have.
One Bud coming…
But I need you to sign this form to attest that this beer has not been served, transported, made or harvested by homosexuals.
At the same moment, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich and Jon Huntsman gets in the bar.
The barman grabs his shotgun and shoots himself in the head.

 



Think about this...not too long though lest your head explode..."A third of the young people in America are not in America because of abortion". Huh? And just think how many youngsters are held prisoner in condoms.

Part One of this article featuring Mitt Romney can be found here:









  

Friday, December 9, 2011

God Awful Gifts - Unbelievably Bad Tokens Of Seasonal Anti-Joy!

Yes, there is nothing quite like an awful gift. It's not really the gift itself you see. 
Nor is it the thought that matters. 
What matters is the look of bewildered disgust or horror on the recipient's face. 
This is what the season is really all about.
WTF? This is Stank! What rotten rat bastard would do such a thing?

This leads us to bad gift giving tip #1.
Be sure you give the gift of laughter anonymously. 
Unless you want to receive it in the form of a re-gift, or enjoy a bloody nose.


Don't give this one to anyone you know who is conjoined....they might actually be able to use it which would take all the fun out of "giving".

Yes, and who wouldn't want one of these? You know you want it. Yup. Especially funny when given to seniors who have difficulty walking anyway. Imagine the laughs! "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Ha ha .

The Japanese Snuggie

Snuggies are for people who find operating a blanket to be challenging.





 A Rock. Cheap and effective. Just be sure your out of the pitching range of the recipient when they open it.


 
Fruitcakes. Useless enough. But an inflatable fruitcake can be mailed in a standard envelope!



Ah. The military command post doll house! Always a favorite! So lifelike.



For someone who really blows...or is a snotty sort.
If they actually use it their nose will get sore too!



The bottle top Menorah, sure to de-"light" all.


The Pope Keychain...actually is a dicta-phone as well. You can record short notes to yourself.
Yes, leaders of major religions do belong dangling from your car keys.


Yes! Those annoying pets! Always wanting your attention or worse...your affection. Now you can just have this cheesy robot thing pet them. Even funnier if given to someone who has no pets! Double the WTF quotient!


Razor Blade Soap...Show them you really don't care!


You want this! Four!


Yeah...tidy whiteys too!
Make sure to wrap the thing really bad. This is important.

Down the hatch then!


Nothing like a wreath with a cheap cardboard cutout of Perry Como's head stuck to it with duct tape.
The only thing better is if his actual head is used.


Don't bother giving this to any tea party types...they may actually use them.

Now this is a universally offensive gift! Give it to one and all!

The ever unpopular Reindeer Orgy Holiday Sweater!


My personal favorite! The Officer Pike Occupy Bethlehem Sweater!


Yes this fake beard is far less conspicuous than a cup or something for drinking. A perennial stinker.


Remember, it's the thrill and happiness a gift brings to it's recipient that we are here to avoid!
Look at these two...look at the warmth and joy they exude! Ah Christmas, yes the best time of year for heartless pranks!


These are best given to someone who does not fish! But you know fisherman will not like them either.


How many times have you wanted to talk to someone using a walkie talkie in your coffee cup?
Problem solved!
Your welcome!
The best part of this is it might actually seem appealing and the recipient will burn their house to the ground if they oversleep!

The idea behind these is (besides looking like a jackass) sticking an IPod or other such device in there and watching a video....yeah, your family will love you for that. Ignore them....but Uncle Ferd there was ignoring the nature he'd traveled to experience...and was eaten by a grizzly bear while watching a you-tube gilligan's island clip.


Finally... the Jesus coat hanger.
Well if there's a Pope keychain, why not.
Have a wonderful holiday!
And give bad gifts!
It's so much fun...the gift that keeps giving.