The Stock Market dropped over 500 points. McCain's response? The economy is "fundamentally sound"! The same infamous phrase Herbert Hoover used reacting to to the historic crash of 1929.
The economy is stupid! One need not be a Wall Street wizard or hold a PHD in economics to understand that some things have intrinsic value and some things don't. Aside from the obvious shenanigans in the mortgage industry, the idea that the fox must be trusted to guard the chicken coop is plain wrong.
American's reduced to standing in soup lines to survive in the 1930s
History has a nasty habit of repeating itself when people ignore it's lessons. What caused the great depression? In the 1920's a stock market boom-bubble in the U.S. was powered by generic optimism. The The businessmen and economists were convinced that the invention of the Federal Reserve would stabilize and guide the economy, that expanding markets were guaranteed. People, by and large felt their standard of living was safe or would improve. In 1928 and 1929 speculators were creating artificial bubbles in the Stock Market, driving prices up. (sound familiar?) The Federal Reserve raised interest rates in an effort to curb speculation. This caused the initial recession.
Workers stood idle because firms would not hire them. Firms would not hire workers because there was no market for their goods. There was no market for goods because workers had no incomes to spend. Workers had no income because they had no jobs.... on and on....
At some point, in the US, an uncomfortable unspoken agreement was struck. Business recognized that unless there was a healthy middle class, no one would be buying their goods. This bargain has been breached in recent years. The US workers were tossed aside in favor of inexpensive labor elsewhere. Public and environmental safeguards have been avoided by manufacturing in nations that have no such laws. When the lack of laws protecting consumers becomes evident- as in tainted pet food, poison infant formula, lead paint on children's toys, firms wring their hands of responsibility and blame the workers in those countries whom they are exploiting. What Americans need to understand is that despite the short lived profits from cheap labor and shoddy goods, the future is being sold at a cut rate price. The idea is to take 95% of Americans who we call the middle class, and reduce their standard of living to match the 3rd world. Only a very few benefit from that, and only very temporarily.
The American middle class shares the same fate as the polar bear.
McCain admitted he knows nothing about economic matters. The fellow he appointed to write his economic policy was Phil Graham - one of those most directly responsible for the current meltdown on Wall Street. (the same miscreant elitist who said America's middle class were a bunch of whiners) BTW, if McCain by his own admission knows nothing about economics, why was he on the commerce committee? Even if he knew nothing before that, didn't he pay any attention while he "served" on that committee?
Believing the very politicians who fought for the conditions that caused the economy to fail are going to fix it is simply insane.
"The future will be better tomorrow." -George W. Bush I think, for once, I agree with him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the stakes couldn't be higher and the choices couldn't be clearer. With international relations strained, the middle class shrinking, the solvency of banks highly questionable, jobless rates climbing, a stock market unstable at best, blatant corruption running amuck, a berserk cabal of donors and cronies appointed to offices they have no qualifications for, the gross incompetence of government demonstrated at all levels, a climate crisis, an energy crisis, an antiquated crumbling infrastructure, the very foundation of government itself-the U.S. constitution being undermined by those sworn to protect and serve it. Let alone the fact that the next president will inherit the task of resolving an unpopular occupation, the continuously shifting rationale for which; has no justification.
The debates are brought to you tonight by: And America's Future (And we are for bringing back 18th century dentistry too!)
This is the most anticipated political debate since 3:00 eastern standard time. And the candidates want their positions on these burning issues clear! (Candidates have shown up for the free cocktails and hors d'vours.) So without further delay let's meet the candidates!
Senators Barack Obama and Joseph Biden!
Hello and thank you for this opportunity to share ideas.I learned as a child growing up in different placeswith people who had differing ideasthat we share certain aspirations regardless of differences.This is the driving force that has animated my political journey.Amid the partisanship and bickering of today's public debate,I still believe in the ability to unite people around a politics of purpose -a politics that puts solving the challenges of everyday Americansahead of partisan calculation and political gain.Joe and I believe strongly that the middle class has takenthe brunt of the storm and must now be top priority in any economic discussion.We welcome this discussion and look forward to sharing our views on policy with each of you.Thank you for having us.
Next, here is John McCain and his Vice President.... (From behind the curtains)-Psst, Psst, get out of the picture! Get baacckk, no one's supposed to see you! Oops. Er, um, ladies and gentlemen... John McCain and his running mate...
John, didn't you get Rove's memo?
Er, well then, here's John McCain and his running mate... Sarah Who?
Heh ,Heh, Heh, turn that dagburn camera off! We got some important "organizin' " to do. Hey wots your name , wanna see my etchings?Heh, Heh, Heh,
And of course, welcome the internet front runners! Tehranchik and Radio Free Europa!
Our flag pins are enormous! (deafening applause!)
Our moderator this evening is National Buffoon Washington Correspondent Dick Wood. (applause) Good evening and I'm honored to welcome our studio audience, our distinguished candidates, and indeed everyone watching at home or listening to these hysterical debates on this moronic occasion. And I don't want any guff outa any of you mugs!
Earlier tonight we asked each candidate to polish off a bottle of Mezcal . The first to do so, including the worm of course; would go first in tonight's debate. Our 1st question this evening goes to Radio Free Europa, who guzzled the liter in just under 3 minutes. Which may be incidentally a new world record.
Tell us RFE, what do you think most qualifies you to lead this nation?
RFE: My co-president and I have been fighting the forcesof corporatism, oligarchy, fascism and war profiteeringfor many years, and in today's unstable worldthe capability to drink the other world leaders under the tableis of the utmost importance. How else will we regain respect around the globe? America simply cannot allow other countries deceptions of mass consumption. In nations that don't allow alcohol, we are equally adept atwhichever substance the locals choose to consume and if not,we have experts that can step in on day 1. In fact we have discovered the secret of the time space continuum. In our leisure moments, you see; we constructed a device that allows us to travel into the future. My fellow humans, we are the ONLY candidates whowill be ready before day 1! (cheers, applause)
Thanks to their time traveling contraption, RFE and Tehranchick are already waiting for the rest of us on day one at the White House!
Dick Wood- A very convincing argument, of course Tehranchik virtually tied RFE in the Mezcal consumption test. Now who's next? So let's see it looks like...Joe Biden!Joe has finished the Mescal and eaten the worm.Let's see that's just under 2 hours, not bad...not bad at all chum.So my question for you is Do you now, or have you ever believed in Sasquatch? Dick Wood- No, that is the question viewers around the country are asking. Does Joe Biden believe in Sasquatch?
Joe Biden- Well I can't say I have ever seen him, but maybe he's that fellow who keeps sending out e-mails claiming all kinds of nasty untruths about my running mate.Or is that Lieberman?It sure isn't Olberman, I don't think it's pokemon.Was John the Egg-man?Hey you got any more of this stuff?Now that Dick Morris fellow, you know, I have seen him go after beef jerky like those commercials.Hmmm. He may be Sasquatch... anyway I do know how many houses I own (one) and you won't need to get back to my staff on that! (chuckle)
Dick Wood- Very good Senator. Let's see, looks like Governor Palin has also finished her bottle.My question for Palin is: what would you do to improve America'simage in the world?
Uh, I would turn America into a gated community.
Dick Wood- How so Governor?
Palin- I would remodel it many times of course, but just like I did back in my home state, I'd bring all kinds of "gates" to the VP office if someone tells me where it is and what you do there.
1) GermanInvasionGate
2) WaterbreakGate
3) AdulteryGate
4) PotGate
5) CarWashGate
6) MethLabGate
7) TexasHoldEmGate
8) CollegeGate
9) NationalGuardGate
10) SeparatistGate
11) DrivingTownIntoDebtGate
12) LobbyistGate
13) EarmarkGate
14) TrooperGate
15) LibraryGate
16) JewsForJesusGate
17) PrayForPipelineGate
18) SuicideCultGate
19) PrivatePlaneGate
20) DominionistGate
I got a million of um - a cha cha cha. BURP! And you communities out there with your organizers an yerr activists... I'm arial huntin' yer soory butts! I'm a bottomless pit of bull and my God is better than yer God. Hic!
Dick Wood- I see, and Senator Obama you have not finished your Mezcal nor has Senator McCain.
Obama- Well Dick, I'm afraid I'm something of a sipper but I think if I were in fact president I would be interested in having RFE and Tehranchik in the cabinet.Their diplomatic skills are obvious.
McCain- My friends, I am undergoing a series of procedures that will allow me to exist as a soulless un-dead hirudinean parasite forever similar to Dick Cheney... Dracula......Darth Vader... all those big guys! However it seems when they removed my heart and brain they took my liver too. I can no longer drink, eat, sleep, or basically do the things that make one human. My new Rovian brain connects me directly tothe lobbyists and flim flam artists that paint the GOP landscape. I am forced to do their bidding.And soon, all of you will be our puppets too!Dance consumers! Dance I say! Resistance is futile!
Time's up McCain, I didn't address you yet anyway. Senator Obama my question to you sir is what will you do about the economy?
Obama-“The cost of our debt is one of the fastest growing expenses in the federal budget. This rising debt is a hidden domestic enemy, robbing our cities and states of critical investments in infrastructure like bridges, ports, and levees; robbing our families and our children of critical investments in education and health care reform; robbing our seniors of the retirement and health security they have counted on. . . . If Washington were serious about honest tax relief in this country, we'd see an effort to reduce our national debt by returning to responsible fiscal policies.” I would install a pay as you go policy, keep taxes fair, especially for middle class families who have taken the real hit in the Bush economy. I would close loopholes and subsidies to corporations who don't need welfare from tax payers and cease tax rewards for moving jobs overseas. All bills will be transparent to the public, if anyone submits pork barrel earmarksit must pass public scrutiny. By simply closing loopholes in offshore tax havens we would have 300 billion more dollars a year. This is not a new tax, but simply one that is legitimately owed, one that ordinary citizens pick up the tab for currently. These are a few of my proposals.
Dick Wood - This sounds intriguing, O.K . McCain, here's your question.Who let the dogs out?
McCain- I know this one um Obama did, he let them out!And he's the most pro canine man in the congress! He'll tax and spend and build a Mosque right on the White House! Dick Wood - No I'm afraid the correct answer is "woof, woof, woof, woof".
McCain- You gave me the hard question! This is proof of media liberalism!
Dick Wood- Right, bite me. But seriously didn't you just hear Senator Obama say he would lower taxes on 95% of Americans? And surely you know Obama is a Christian.
McCain- I don't care about truth, I care about getting selected! Joe Lieberman will build a temple on top of that Mosque!
Palin- I'll build a megachurch on top of that Synagogue!
McCain- And I'll build a McDonalds on top of that megachurch!
The McCain-Palin White House Tehranchik- What about the separation of church and state?There's more talk about religion in this campaign than the economy, the Iraq occupation,and all the other issues combined!
Palin- Why you ******** liberrral you! Jesus didn't come here on the Mayflower to discover this country and write our constitution just for you to make these outrageous claims. No, he came here to subjugate the meek, make a wad of dough, kill all homos and the races except mine , and cover every last sq. foot of this country with seepage from his holy oil derricks! It sez so right in de bible!
Dick Wood- Governor, your lack of knowledge of history is astounding!
Palin- Thank you!
Tehranchik- As you know my running mate Radio Free Europa and I have a history of fighting for truth, justice, and the American way.Over the years the threat of brain eating zombies has beenone of our toughest conflicts to deal with. Will the voters elect a brain eating zombie to the VP office?
Palin- I said thanks but no thanks to eating the voters brains.
RFE- How then do you explain your appearance on the cover of Zombiepolitan?
McCain -Drats! Curses! Foiled again! Rove assured me that was scrubbed from public access! OK sure she's a brain eating zombie hosting the Cheney parasite, but ... oh who am I kidding?
Quick Sarah, we have to get in the getaway rocket. We've got to beat it! Cheese it!
This is a satirical story, some of Obama's comments are actually from published speeches. Everything else is fictional.....or is it?
Lines of people several blocks long Lined the streets outside Mile High Stadium and 75,000 people inside were excited to be there for the historic occasion.
Barrack Obama delivered an acceptance speech that brought tears to the eyes of many inspiring and electrifying many more.
"These challenges are not all of government's making," Claimed Obama, "But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush. . . . I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and independents across this great land: Enough!" he said.
The Convention closed leaving many proud of the USA, renewed in spirit, and energized.
The crowd displayed their flags.
McCain meanwhile has chosen his running mate.
It is Dubya.
The Republican Convention gets underway! An exiting event chock full of inspiring messages whipping the crowd into a frenzy!
A 2 hour video was shown of a rock that had "McCain" written on it. Many believe it is the 1st political ad, dating back eons!
Trying to counter the historic nature of Obama's nomination, the GOP is pointing out that if McCain is elected, He will be the 6th Civil War president ever to hold the office!
McCain delivers his acceptance speech!
Admittedly there was no way to compete with the Democratic National Convention's excitement or attendance. So the GOP showed a film of lots of people waving their flags behind McCain so they didn't look so lame. But someone should tell them that film isn't the best choice. And that flag isn't the best one to wave around either. The Republican Convention came to a close before it started.
Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
more and more I am having troubles convincing people to vote for me, not just because of the pantload of Rove-Bush politics I'm peddling, but because of the actual pantload I'm carrying.
Even when Bush and I were celebrating the defeat of New Orleans I didn't even realize my shorts were overflowing. It wuz gettin' embarrassin'!
Now finally after one of dem' town meetin's some other old geezer told me about a product that he uses to go all day without even changing his pants!
I campaign in all 13 colonies now without embarrassment!
"My friends, surely you too loose bowel control while away from one of your 12 mansions, ranches and condos and these babys last and last; they hold a couple days worth! And they come in white only!!!
I hear even you poor people who make less than 5 million a year are allowed to buy them too!"
"Yes My friends, this is the best product I've found for disguising the fact that I'm full of it! Get yours today! And if you act now your diapers will have a GOP logo made in China by political prisoners out of toxic waste glued to the inside! Not only that friends, but I'll include at no extra cost to you lead based paint and asbestos dust toys for your kids and some anti-freeze flavored pet food for your best friend. Did I mention I was a POW? Aghhh...there I go again. But thanks to these new industrial grade Depends, I don't care. And you shouldn't either! Tell that whipersnapper Obama he better stay off my lawn!"
It's a good thing spelling is not in the 10 commandments! Of Course that book learnin' ain't important to the true thumper. (If they would read it, instead of thumping it or believing charlatan "leaders" make stuff up about what it says, they wouldn't be like fish in a barrel to poke fun at.)
I could have sworn I saw the man in the poster up in New Hampshire, A Germanic looking white bread goya with bleach white skin. Did anyone in the Middle East really look like this? I won't comment on this photo too much, I'm sure your thinking the same things I am.
How do you know he is?
No wonder he's smiling!
Tissues?
Would that be a sin?
Where is the Pope on this?
So that's what the 2nd coming is about.
Is this in the New Testicle or the Old one?
And why is that sheep smiling? Oh No!
And I don't know why Spider-Man, the Hulk, and Captain America are on the poster. They are just made up comic book characters and people in "Holy" books are....um er....well?.
Anyway it looks like down the street at the 'ol Tremont Evangelical Church they don't care much for spellin' neither!
Who the hell is Chirst? I wanted to know so I went to my trusty search engine and apparently we should all be more like teenage goth girls.
The other interesting hit was this video:
Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
"The law is a horrible business." - Clarence Seward Darrow
National Buffoon salutes buffoonery of all kinds, from the nefarious charlatan, the intellectually challenged, to the common nitwit . This month we have a look at some Lawmakers who obviously are buffoons...but is their buffoonery extraordinary enough to echo through the hallowed halls of the National Buffoon? Let's have a look.
Thinking Inside The Box (groan)
Our first contender is Wisconsin Justice Patience Roggensack, who recently wrote a majority opinion with three other buffoons er, uh, justices, declaring it to be illegal in Wisconsin to dig up cadavers and have sex with them. Now is there a plague of necrophilia in Wisconsin? Or was this OK until last month? Apparently after much discussion, the Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled 5 -2 it was indeed not lawful because a dead person could not give consent. The dissenting justices feared the decision might affect their own inclinations towards members of the bovine community... they argued that moo was close enough to more indicating legal consent.
Justice Roggensack ponders the issue.
Men At Work With Guns And Bozos
No, it's not a concert with Colin Hay and Slash. The 2nd contender for Buffoon Extradinaire this month is the entire Florida legislature, who recently passed a befuddled 39 page bill that gun advocates in the legislature claim as a victory but gun control advocates in the same legislature also claim as a victory. Wow, must be a great law if it pleases both sides right? Well aside from the actual lawmakers no one thinks it makes any sense. It gives employees the right to carry fire arms at their jobs, but bans customers and employers from carrying firearms. Seems the NRA isn't pleased, and customers and employers are not pleased. (They are filing challenges). Something must be in that swamp water in Florida that acts as a nutrient for buffoonery. 39 pages of obtuse in-articulation and absurdity. Nice work, Bozos.
Though I'm not sure just who to nominate for this bit of buffoonery (or is it indeed brilliance?) In New York, you cannot dissolve a marriage over irreconcilable differences until both parties agree to it. ???? WTF!
Americans Are Not The Only Contenders When it comes to dumb lawmakers and the laws they create of course there is international competition for the top spot. For instance in the land that gave us the barometer, electric battery, nitroglycerin, wireless telegraphy and pasta has been enacting some buffoonish laws of late. In Italy, it is illegal for men to wear skirts. Well , I guess Scotland isn't all that far away. It seems the inferior er, uh, interior minister, Roberto Maroni, has given cities additional powers to address security and public decorum issues. And they have wasted no time turning their hamlets and cities into clown houses and bad vaudevillian circuses. The use of lawnmowers and electric hedge-clippers is banned on weekends in Tuscany. ( Annoy your neighbors during the week?) In Novara, Piedmont, the mayor issued an order this summer prohibiting groups of three or more people from gathering between 11:30 p.m. and 6 a.m. in public areas. in Eraclea, a resort on the Adriatic coast, beach games have been prohibited and activities such as digging in the sand are prohibited. In Rome tourists are not allowed to drink or eat within 200 feet of a historical site (What is not a historical site in Rome?) There is A 50 euros fine for lying down in a park in the northern city of Vicenza to read a book. Ho Ho! Good old fashioned Reich fun I guess. Of course Italy's neighbor, Switzerland did not wish to be left out of the competition. It is illegal in that country to flush the toilet after 10 p.m. Not only that, but a man is not allowed to stand up and pee after 10 p.m.
(Are they light sleepers? Or loud peepers?)
In South Korea, traffic police are supposed to report all bribes that they receive from motorists. Now in the UK, a man was arrested for laughing. Here is the particulars: A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her and felt humiliated She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...... She had him arrested. When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a rude manner. He told the judge "when the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’. Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’ The charges were dismissed.
American's reduced to standing in soup lines to survive in the 1930s
Workers stood idle because firms would not hire them.
