Thursday, February 11, 2010

Crappy Valentine's Day

Remember, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never lost at all.
As I was driving this evening, I passed a sign displayed prominently in a store window.
It displayed a picture of a card covered in red roses which proclaimed
"You Are My One And Only!"
Beneath this picture, it read "SALE! - 4 for 5 dollars"

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."- John Waters

Roses are red, Violets are ...well they are violet -not blue,
Sugar is sweet and will rot your teeth,

The wisdom of Cupid is surely debatable,
That's why folks have beaus that are inflatable,

The Roses are wilting, the violets dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I see your face when I am dreaming...
that is why i wake up screaming.

I didn't get you chocolates or flowers but here's a heart shaped pizza!

My feelings for you no words can tell...
except for maybe " go to hell"

I love your smile, your face and you eyes,
damn I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful ducky,
You took over my life and made it all sucky,

I want to feel your sweet embrace,
but don't take that paper bag off of your face,

What inspired this amorous rhyme?...
two parts vodka, one part lime.

(Just some humor, this is not about my relationship which of course is quite lovely)

The St. Valentine's Day Massacre

Malodorous, over-priced flowers,
Which wither and die within hours,

Fattening sweets surely despised,
Bringing cellulite straight to the thighs,

Only in The USA, Geesh!

Tacky red cards with the line
'Dear Valentine won't you be mine'

So if it's my heart that you seek
Please listen to these words I speak
Send cupid away
Forget Valentine's Day

A bunch early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb. m. Romae) and Valentine of Terni (Valentinus ep. Interamnensis m. Romae). The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.

No romantic elements are present in the original early medieval biographies of any of these martyrs. By the time a Saint Valentine became linked to romance in the fourteenth century, distinctions between Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni were completely lost. Roman Emperor Claudius II according to legend beheaded him (them) over a row about paganism vs. papal-ism. Irony Alert! In a coup on behalf of pagans everywhere, somehow this headless fellow's holiday is represented by the child of Venus and Psyche...a PAGAN story.

For eight hundred years prior to the establishment of Valentine's Day, the Romans had practiced a pagan celebration in mid-February commemorating young men's rite of passage to the god Lupercus. The celebration featured a lottery in which young men would draw the names of teenage girls from a box. The girl assigned to each young man in that manner would be his companion during the day, week or remaining year.

In an effort to do away with the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius ordered a slight change in the lottery. Instead of the names of young women, the box would contain the names of saints. Needless to say, most of the young Roman men were not too pleased with the rule changes. And of course this holiday celebrates the tradition of emissaries of the church attempting to insert themselves into the sex lives of young boys.

Somehow this has morphed into the excuse to pick men's pockets we now enjoy today.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.