Sunday, December 30, 2007

Gimme Dat Old Time Religion

Give me that old time religion
Tis the old time religion,
Tis the old time religion,
And it's good enough for me.

It was good for our mothers.
It was good for our mothers.
It was good for our mothers.
And it's good enough for me.



It has saved our fathers.
It has saved our fathers.
It has saved our fathers.
And it's good enough for me.


It will do when I am dying.
It will do when I am dying.
It will do when I am dying.
And it's good enough for me......

Give me that old time religion
Tis the old time religion,
Tis the old time religion,
And it's good enough for me.

It will take us all to heaven.
It will take us all to heaven.
It will take us all to heaven.
And it's good enough for me.......

When the legality of torture began being discussed here in the U.S.
I wondered where the religious organizations objections were.
It seemed to me they would be aghast at such practices,
but a little perusal of history gave reason for pause.
And the deafening silence.
As we hear the cries of unfairness today,
the alleged war against Christmas,
the notion that Christians in particular are persecuted
by church -state separation issues,
that science is the devil,
or that religion belongs in government
or science classrooms - let's have a look at how,
in days before the age of enlightenment
religious discrepancies were handled.

Heretic’s fork
Resistance is futile.
One end of this device was pushed under the chin, the other into the sternum,
with the strap securing this torture tool to the victim’s neck.
Immobilized and in great pain,
the victim will have to somehow speak the Latin word
“abiuro” (I recant),
or they end up being hanged or burned at the stake.

"Love one another." John 4:7-8, 4:16

As soon as Christianity had achieved ascendancy in the 4th century C.E., torture to aid "education" of theological positions was widely used, particularly against women, who "had their breasts crushed or scorched," were beaten with thorn clubs, and were compelled to sit on heated iron plates (McCabe, A Rationalist Encyclopaedia, 1948, pp. 587-89).
Torture leading to death was practiced on increasing hordes of victims as the centuries passed, culminating in the condemnation of 20,000 women by Benedict Carpzov, a Leipzig professor in the 17th century. The Spanish Inquisition added hundreds of thousands to the total, in tortures detailed in George William Foote and Joseph Mazzini Wheeler's Crimes of Christianity, and Eugene Montague Macdonald's History of the Inquisition.


God will "smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion" and "will discover their secret parts" since he doesn't like the way they dress and walk. Isaiah 3:16-17


Breast Ripper
Women condemned as heretics, or blasphemers had their breasts ripped out using this device.


Gimme Dat Ol Time Religion Boy! Real nice.
If you can't win them over by reasoned argument, and baffling them with bull ain't cutting the mustard, well we have ways of making you conform.
In the Old Testament,
after God takes away the women's jewelry and perfume, "discovers their secret parts," and makes them all bald and stinking, he'll kill their husbands. Women will then become so desperate that "seven women will take hold of one man, saying ... let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach." Isaiah 4:1
I guess there was some inspiration for torture there...

Crocodile Shears
Of course torture wasn't limited to females, though it was easy to accuse them of being witches.
And apparently a simple matter to determine their guilt. Throwing them in the water and if they float they are guilty of being witches, of course if they drowned they were innocent but what the hell, at least they weren't tortured wrongfully.
These Shears were used on men.
Now imagine having a hot date with this device,
which is actually an iron pincer with semi-cylindrical blades
that form a long narrow tube when closed together.
Teeth or spikes lined the inside of the blades,
which are first heated until red-hot before being clamped on the victim’s penis.
When his sex organ is “cooked” enough, it is then torn out from his body.
Hot dogs anyone?



The Lead Sprinkler

This tool, a holy water sprinkler re-design, was filled with either molten lead, tar, boiling oil or boiling water, then used to bless its victims by dripping its contents on their stomach, back and other body parts. Confess or we gouge out your eyeball!

Was this "persuasion" confined to Europe?
In the Colonies, Massachusetts imposed the death penalty on Nov. 4, 1646, for anyone denying the divine inspiration of the bible.
In 1692, deaf octogenarian Giles Cory, accused of witchcraft was crushed to death because he could not understand questions asked him by puritan leadership. Twenty-one other accused witches were hanged or died in prison in Salem, Mass., where two centuries later the founder of Christian Science, Mary Ann Morse Baker Glover Patterson Eddy, brought up one of her disaffected followers on yet another charge of witchcraft, according to her biographers Willa Cather and Georgine Milmine.

A dozen years later, various physical mutilations were prescribed for Quakers who would not desist from preaching. It was not an idle threat: on Oct. 27, 1659, the first in a series of Quakers was hanged on Boston Common for violating that law.

So much for religious freedom. It appears the atheists and deists who eloquently installed religious freedom in the Constitution saved these pious people from dogmatic extermination of each other.




The Pear
Used on alleged sodomites, adulterers, and those accused of incest, heresy, blasphemy or sexual union with Satan (Really?) in medieval Europe. This intricately-decorated device inserted into the mouth, rectum or vagina guaranteed swift salvation . A screw mechanism then makes its pointed “leaves” expand while inside any of those orifices, resulting in severe internal mutilation.

These folks perhaps overlooked Lev.19:18: "Love thy neighbor as thyself." (Either that or they were REALLY into some strange sadomasochism.) They also seemed to have forgotten "Blessed are the merciful" in Mathew 5:7.


Prayer Shackles
One way to convert those atheists and heretics!


The Rack

An always popular retreat for the dissident and the skeptic alike.
This early attempt at faith chiropractics was designed to dislocate every single joint in the body. Tied across the device’s board by the ankles and wrists, the victim’s body is then pulled in opposite directions by turning rollers at either end of the board.

"Live peaceably with all men." Romans 12:18


The Catherine Wheel

The convertee is tied to the side of the wheel, then gets every bone in his body shattered one by one by an executioner using a hammer or an iron bar. Victims of this form of torture often took hours, or even days to die. Some were fortunate enough to be granted “mercy”
( fatal blows to the chest or stomach).

"For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice." Hosea 6:6


Iron Maiden

Not the metal band. The interior of this device is lined with strategically-placed sharp objects that is intended to torture an infidel or freethinker unlucky enough to be put inside it.
These spikes impaled the victim in the eyes, the chest and the back, but usually missed vital organs, so as to leave the victim bleeding profusely and in great pain but still alive for a while anyway.

God will not forgive us unless we shed the blood of some innocent creature!
Hebrews 9:13-14, 22


The Judas Chair
The Judas Chair, also known as the Judas Cradle.
Non believers were hoisted up by rope or chain and then made to sit on the tip of the pyramid shaped device. You get the point?
"He that goeth down to the grave shall come up no more." Job 7:7-9


Give me that old time religion
Tis the old time religion,
Tis the old time religion,
And it's good enough for me.

No Thank you.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

What Does The Public Think About Impeachment?

I wonder if the public decided if Bush and Cheney should be impeached if it would differ from Congressional opinion. Let's find out with a poll shall we? Do you believe these men may have committed misdemeanors or high crimes while in office? Remember impeachment is an investigation not a verdict.





Do you believe Cheney and/or Bush merit impeachment hearings?













Yes, their conduct is suspicious, look into it.



No, they are above suspicion and above the law.













results »




Friday, December 21, 2007

BIZARRE XMAS PHOTOS

HAPPY THANKSGIVOWEENOMASAs commercial concerns now start the holiday consuming season in August,
it's high time the already homogenized holidays be lumped together into one mass season long excuse to bolster retailers bottom line.


DREAMING OF A REICH XMAS?
These photos are very strange indeed, they are historical pictures of Nazis celebrating Xmas.



Oh Little Town Of Dachau???
Nazi guards appear to be opening gifts outside a concentration camp.


ROVE, ER I MEAN GOEBELS CELEBRATES XMAS
Here is a picture of Goebbels at a function where 500 gifts were given to Berlin children in 1936.
In their country, at this time this would have been considered a very upstanding patriotic family. Today the image conjures up confusion, anger, and sadness.
How could these people celebrate a holiday devoted to the birth of the Prince of Peace, with a photo of Hitler prominently peering through in the background? You see they too bought into the big lie that killing was OK under the guise of patriotism.


I SAW 3 U-BOATS
Young men conned into serving Fascism aboard a U boat.
Were they too doing their patriotic duty?
I keep seeing Ollie North testifying before congress about the Iran Contra drugs and weapons investigation. Every answer was "God and Country" regardless of the question.
Letters sent by Oliver North to John Poindexter show the U.S. sold arms to Iran in exchange for the release of hostages by Hezbollah. What's even worse, the deal was set up through then candidate George Bush I's covert connections before the election in an effort to disgrace the POTUS Jimmy Carter. It is also noteworthy that the Contras did not receive all of their finances from arms sales, but also through drug trafficking of which the US was found to be at minimum "aware" of.

CHILDREN SANTA AND SWASTIKAS
Nothing quite says Xmas like angels with crosses on crowns carrying swastikas on sticks while an eight foot Santa peers out into the crowd of children and storm troopers.
Egg nog anyone? (make mine a double.)



UNHOLY NIGHT
Oh Tannenbaum....

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER NOT CRY...
Apparently Der Fuhrer was on Santa's list on this Xmas.
He looks eager to receive his present too.



BLOODY OLD ST. NICK?
Hitler is 2nd from the left in this photo.


DECK THE HALLS IN AN EFFICIENT ORDERLY MANNER
I thought this photo was very telling.
The expressions on the parents says much.


This is all much too creepy, lets lighten up a bit.

THE THEME OF THIS POST IS APPARENTLY
MONSTERS CELEBRATING XMAS....




WELL , THE TITLE IS BIZARRE XMAS PICTURES!


HAVE YOURSELF A CREEPY RAELIAN XMAS....

I GUESS HE POUTED...


The Scariest Weird Xmas Photo OF ALL!
aghhhhh!!!!!









Bon Appetite!



Happy Holidaze to all!!! ...Hic!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Cheney Declares Himself To Be A New Species

In his continuing efforts to avoid legislative branch oversight, Dick Cheney announced today that he is not a member of the human race and therefore not subject to laws that might apply to humans. Cheney’s Chief of Staff, Lumpy Fartsworth, asserted yesterday that the Vice President will not release any classified documents because he is, in fact, a new species unrelated to to Homo sapiens. "Mr. Cheney has made it quite clear he is not a member of any noun that begins with the prefix homo!" declared Fartsworth from the behind a stall in the Senate Men's Room while tapping his feet vigorously.

One year ago Mr. Cheney had his own private stall built in the Senate by KBR under a no bid contract. It is called the Stall of Justice and has a defribulator and personal waterboarding device built right in to the toilet itself. This ‘Stall of Justice’ or SOJ will act as America’s K-Y Jelly, keeping the republican thrust of freedom from tearing and bleeding. Just like Guantanamo, the SOJ operates well outside of both US and Jedi jurisdiction. Cheney's Stall also features amenities like encrypted e-mail, a cloned private army, a Viagra dispenser, mulitple big screen TVs tied in to surveillance cameras hidden in all citizens homes under arcane provisions of the patriot ax, a podium, as well as a modest Lipitor factory.

In this strange press conference, Mr. Cheney waddled into the stall and hopped onto the commode which was located behind a podium. He introduced himself as “Imperial Commander of the Death Star, er, I mean Stall of Justice, and still the Shah of Iraq , the most magical place in the whole, wide world.” Mr. Cheney then held up one of his own feces and drew a picture of George Will with it on the wall.


“From this day forward, you may call me Master." He stopped abruptly and tapped his feet under an adjacent stall. "I have dismembered the terrorist Democrats and hid their various body parts and organs in barrels of oil, the lucky citizen who finds Nancy Pelosi's head will win an all expense paid trip to Iraq with per diem and meals provided by MacHalliburton and an autographed copy of Mein Kampf!" Cheney then left the building and disappeared into the Vice Presidential limo, "Ambulance Two" with Batman in hot pursuit.






Monday, August 13, 2007

ROVE TAKES NEW POSITION IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR

Rove bids the American public whom he served a fond farewell


Washington D.C., amalgamated press -Political villain Carl Rove, known as "Bush's Brain' ( and we all know where his brain is located) resigned in an effort to escape prosecution amid calls for a lobotomy earlier this week. His new corporate position at Pilsbury begins immediately at an undisclosed salary.
If this thing pops out of your popin' fresh dough container,
toss it in a 450 degree oven immediately!



Rove was not removed forcefully from his White House Cabinet position
to take the heat off the other criminals still holed up inside.


In a related story, The White House has denied the rumor that
Vice President Dick Cheney has been recovering from brain surgery

"Look, just because I shot some rich lawyer clown in the face repeatedly with buckshot
doesn't necessarily mean I'm a dangerous sociopath.
The truth is, I got these stitches after I accidentally cut my head on the guillotine I have
in my torture chamber in the basement of the Vice Presidential Mansion.
And while I'm at it, I would just like to say to whoever on my staff took that jar with a frontal lobe in it in formaldehyde off my desk: that's not very funny."
Mr Cheney then got down on all fours and began barking like a dog.



In yet another related story The white House continues to deny
that Homeland Scrutiny Director Michael Chertoff is a blood sucking vampire.

Chertoff was asked why a roller skating rink in Poonrut, Kansas got the same amount of anti terrorist money as the entire state of New York.


The press conference ended abruptly when Helen Thomas held up a crucifix.


Home Scrutiny Director Michael Chertoff then returned to his office
after collecting bribes from various enemies of the state and feasting on the blood of virgins.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Who Are The Bush Base?








NATIONAL BUFFOON EXCLUSIVE REPORT:
BUSH'S BASE : Who Are These People?

With the presidential approval rating at an all time low,
and the credibility of the executive branch considered dubious at best-
particularly after the administration's recent announcement that Osama bin Laden narrowly eluded capture by an elite Special Forces unit led by
Wile E. Coyote, Yogi Bear, and Mr. Ranger.
A numbed nation sat in a catatonic stupor
as Pentagon sources confirmed
that Mr. Coyote was indeed one of several animated agents
who have been recruited to help force the will of
multinational corporations on stone age cultures around the world.
National Buffoon investigators have learned that
Sgt. Yogi Bear also had the elusive 7 ft tall terrorist on a dialysis machine
in his gun sight a month ago but was distracted by
an insurgent's pic- a- nic basket
according to Mr. Ranger, his commanding officer.
National Buffoon's Washington correspondent
Kent Clark went undercover
to interview the Bush faithful.
What makes this group tick?
What drives them to be so vocal and the rest of us to drink?
National Buffoon takes a look at
these few remaining supporters
wreaking havoc on the environment
with their constant release of hot air.
These are the people who would vote for him
without the aid of Diebold machines
even as he ransacked their homes,
killed their pets, and urinated on their floors.
Who Are These People? Indicting minds want to know!


I. Bin Brainwashed
Connedquiteeasy, Pa.
former steel factory owner

"Saddam caused 9/11...has wmds...
Give country to Mexicans... God is a pro corporate business republican
who hates gun control, lazy american workers, & 'dem homos...
Bush not moron... Bush good!"




Annie Eyesore III
Smogburns, Texas

Oil Heiress
"Ya might as well jest gimme all your money now
' ya pathetic tree humpin' liberals.
You been holdin' back daddy's company fer 2 long.... Now your gonna git it!!!!
Unca Dick sez dat we gonna keep Iraqi oil off da market till dem barrels are 500 bucks.
Ha Ha
Thanks Unca George!




Ook and Mook Oops
Yuma Guma, Arizona
Hunter - Gatherers

"Ug, look... fire come from tiny box!"




Mrs. Anita Enema
Severelyretarded, Fla.
Fanatic Christian right pamphlet distributor

"Watch Hannity yup watch Hannity gotta watch Hannity...."
Clanliness is next ta godliness...
Gonna bring on dat rupture thang uh yup yup.
There's some Jews hidin under my house I tell ya
they're just a waitin' fer Jesus ta come by so dey kin convert 'em.
Hey Rush, how much are you payin' dis week fer dem Oxys?
I need to raise some cash to pay for that image of Jesus
on a piece of toast I bought on e- bay last month.









Thor Higherthanallhell
Crack Town, Kentucky
In the distribution business

"Cough, hack, wow, go away man...
My boss pays me to vote fer republicans.
They're pro "business" if you know what I mean.
he gets his inventory direct from CIA black ops guys.
Cough, hack, righteous! "










Slosho Hammered
Whiskey Trail, Missouri
alcoholic

"Hic, yous knows erp I vote for whoever buys me Hic a bottle,buurrrpp."




Peter Puller
Wadstown, Ohio
lives in mothers basement

"Ma told me this would happen if I kept yankin it... geez."




Stark Ravincrazy
The home for the criminally insane, Baltimore, Maryland
Serial Killer
"God told me to strangle my family,
machine gun a fast food joint, & vote for bush."



Bill O Really?
Lala Land
Windbag

"Clinton's Fault, (Geez I'd like to loompha that Greta Van Whatsername...) yup"






Luvmeinfuher
Latrine, Alabama
Dental Hygienist

" I cain't read but I thigkt I vuted fer 'em.
I ment ta vute fer David Duke, he's ma luver and ma cuzin.
(and ma granpaw). But Bush is just as good, YUP!"
I hates dem libs what Ann Coulter knows about.



Sean Hannity
Hooligan Skids, N.Y.
self-aggrandizing fascist tool

"After flunkin out of skool Ol' Jerry Falwell
gave me an honorary degree from his joint.
So let that be a lesson to all you kids out there.
You don't have to study no heathen science,
read no left wing text books or nothin' !
Just tow the line for bloated corporatist fascists
and intolerant ignoramus types and you'll go far.
I'm ready for my close up Mr. Ailes, I put dem fishnet stockings on just like you asked.....
Of course they do pay me to support the regime.
What's today's propagan...er.. I mean talking points Mr. Murdoch?"




Brutus Pain
Reemaway, N.J.
Pharmaceutical Sales, Amateur Surgeon

"Ha Ha Ho Ho He He..."





E. Silly Duped
plushytown, Con-necticut,
Professional of some sort

"I believed when Bush said he was going to take care of the wealthy
he meant people like me making 100,000 a year or so.
I think I'm in his elitist club but they laugh at me when I'm not looking.
I sure appreciated that 300 bucks he gave me as a bribe to look the other way
when he gave his corpulently wealthy cronies 350,000."




Goose Stepping Brownshirts
Everywhere
Para Military Wanabes

"We always go in for this sort of thing."
"All Heil Der Deciderer"





A. Jackass
Dumpsville, Virginia
Organic Fertilizer Specialist

"Hee Haw"