Monday, September 11, 2017

Trump Makes A Big League Plan To Benefit From Irma Victims

Scientists reported that not only was the hurricane massive, but it was full of sharks!

Trump scrambles to produce more campaign hats for “the big crowds I expect for me in San Juan and Miami”



  In response to Hurricane Irma, President Trump has laid out ambitious plans to ensure that he and his family will generously benefit from the recent hurricane catastrophe. Printing up another 50,000 “USA” and “Make America Great Again” hats and dropping the price from $40 to $35 because “Even though the economy sucks for everyone but millionaires, I want to be sure everyone down there can afford at least one of my feel good hats. I’ve also instructed Melania to reduce the price of her FLOTUS caps. This should provide some instant relief for those crackers and hispanics.”


 To aid Puerto Rico, he plans on shipping 300,000 tacos from the Trump Tower Grill, where “the best taco bowls are made,” to San Juan at a slight discount. “I love Hispanics!” He said. "I love to grab 'em."
"Mmmm, Taco Bowls! Covfefe!"
 The president will offer a great package of incentives for Jewish residents who wish to move out of Florida, “but they must act fast and no whining about where I send them.” Mr. Trump said most would be relocated to ruby red states in the West where their traditionally left-leaning votes wouldn’t matter. He added that the incentives would likely include “a box of Trump steaks and five slot tokens per Jew to be used at any one of my Trump casinos.” He also said he appreciates that a storm of this magnitude can be traumatic for victims in its path and they will need to rest and unwind afterwards.  That’s why he is happy to offer storm victims 10% off annual memberships to his bankrupt and shuttered Trump International Golf Club Puerto Rico, where new golf club members are free to play at their leisure with the understanding that the club is not responsible for injuries due to zero maintenance on the course for the past two years.

Irma Victims are invited to play golf at Trump International Golf Club Puerto Rico

The president has also announced a “Blowout Buy-Back Program” for his immediate family, cabinet members, and White House staff authorizing them to purchase post-Irma, condemned properties in Puerto Rico and Florida at one cent on the dollar, with no property taxes for 25 years. Republican congressional representatives will also be considered for the “Blowout Buy-Back Program” on an individually-considered basis.
I'll buy your flood zone property at the very fair rate of 1cent on the dollar!
That may make you homeless, but you'll be a homeless winner.
If you won't sell I'll condemn it and you'll just be a homeless loser!
In some areas hit by Hurricane Irma, personal property loss will be a major factor, like clothing damaged by rising floodwaters.
Get out of that flooded basement and into a pair of Donald J. Trump slacks!!!

In some areas hit by Hurricane Irma, personal property loss will be a major factor, like clothing damaged by rising floodwaters. The president is ready to assist with storm slashed prices on all Donald J. Trump Signature Collection suits, dress shirts, and ties. Daughter Ivanka will also be dropping the price tag on her stunning line of office and evening wear for women!
The president tweeted, “No man or woman should miss a day of work because they don’t have the right attire. Irma be damned — you can still look and feel great in Trump branded apparel!”

The availability of clean water is always a problem after a major rainfall. Hurricanes flood rivers and overwhelm reservoirs. President Trump has ordered 300,ooo cases of his “pure as rain” Trump Natural Spring Water to be trucked into hard hit areas. Each bottle is emblazoned with the smiling, reassuring face of the president. Only 9 dollars a bottle!
Note: Water will be available to NRA members and Caucasians only.



Tuesday, August 15, 2017

List Of The Things Trump Says Are Worse Than Nazis

The FBI
Joe Scarborough
John McCain
Journalists
Rosie O Donnell
The United Nations
The View
Macys
Forbes Magazine
Scientists
Superbowl 50
Todd Rundgren
Kenneth C. Frazier (CEO of Merck)
 European Allies
Mean People On Twitter
Angela Merkel!
The Mayor Of London
The cast of Saturday Night Live
Renewable Energy
United Steelworkers Local 1999
Megyn Kelly's Period
The Prime minister of Montenegro
President Obama
Major League Baseball
CNN
Stephen Colbert
The Popular Vote
Penn Jillette's Las Vegas show
Mexico
Federal Judges
Nordstrum
Snoop Dogg
Sally Yates
General Motors
Sweden
Mika Brzezinski
Chuck Todd's Goatee
Urbans (Keith?)
Australia
Women
Gold Star Parents
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Polls
Transgendered Military Personnel
Vanity Fair (for a bad review of the food in one of his properties)
Neil Young
Mitch McConnell
The New York Times
Ted Cruz's Wife
The Cast Of Hamilton
The State of New Jersey
Pretty much everything else
except for fucking Nazis





Thursday, July 6, 2017

Trump- Pootin' America First! - (He that Smelt It)


Ok, is it just me?
Or does anyone else find the irony of Trump and Putin being world leaders and also being synonyms for farts too funny not to point out?
What will happen when they meet?
I don't know but I wouldn't light a match in that room!
Best open a window!
Pootin' says "Conflatulations on your election
Welcome to Trump Towers

​Farty on dudes.

It's the New Whirled Odor.



 So we have President Poop Fart...no wonder Europeans can't trust him!
 


You might say these two have an inflatulation...Many people suffer from eggs o' stenchial angst because of these two world leaders.



Yes, I know this post stinks.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Huge Savings On Great Music

Making room at CD Baby for the new release "Step Into Liquid", the previous releases are offered for the next week at ludicrous prices. Save big! Order today!
Physical CDs are only 5 dollars!!!!
Downloads of albums are cheap too!
It's Christmas in July! Give yourself a gift!