Buffoons On The March

Former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien discovers
that it's very hard to look cool if your in charge of the military
and you wear your helmet backwards.

"Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war."
- Donald Rumsfeld

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace."
- George W.Bush

"The difference between Sly Stallone and me is I am me, and he is him."
- Arnold SchwarzeneggerPardon me, but your Freudian slip is showing

Sometimes we have what is referred to as a Kinsley Gaffe or "Washington Gaffe".
Telling the truth by accident.
When a politician says something inadvertently in public
which he or she privately believes to be true,
but which he or she would ordinarily refrain from saying publicly
since he or she believes the statement would be politically harmful or damaging.
The term comes from journalist Michael Kinsley,
who famously said, "A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth."
He first coined the term in The Guardian on January 14, 1992.




"We are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we're going to succeed"
--Ronald Reagan







"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
Former Vice President Dan Quayle, Sept. 15, 1988


"I stand by all the mis-statements that I have made..."
-The American former Vice President Dan Quayle
has been a leading buffoon for quite a while now.
The man was born with his foot in his mouth.
"I have no problem communicating with Latin American heads of state
- though now I do wish I had paid more attention to Latin when I was at school."



On another occasion he told befuddled Western Samoans:
"You all look like happy campers to me.
Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been,
and as far as I am concerned, happy campers you always will be.
Then he told passing mourners at a funeral to "have a nice day".

Margaret Thatcher once addressed a meeting:
"It is marvelous to be back in Malaya"
The only trouble was that she was in Indonesia.

Kenneth Clarke, the former Tory Chancellor,
while addressing a group in Consett in March, 1995
said
"At Consett, you have got one of the best steelworks in Europe.
It doesn't employ as many people as it used to because it is so modern."
(The factory had closed it's doors in 1980.)
As if that weren't enough to convince the people of Consett
that Clarke knew little of their plight and cared less
he further insulted them by saying...
"Consett is also one of the major centers for disposable baby nappies (diapers)."
That factory had closed down four years before Mr Clarke made the speech.

U.S. President Nixon landed at a Norfolk air base in the late 1960s
and publicly praised "Prime Minister Macmillan".
Harold Wilson was Prime Minister.

Even Brits, who are known for keeping a stiff upper lip,
must find it trying to stay in form on occasions like these.
A year or two later, Marshal Tito, the Yugoslav leader arrived at Heathrow,
walked straight past Prime Minister Edward Heath,
who had his arm outstretched in welcome,
and shook hands, instead, with his baffled chauffeur.


James Watt,
an oil company lawyer,
who Ronald Reagan sardonically appointed Secretary of the Interior
said he had formed an advisory group comprising
"a black, a woman, two Jews and a cripple - and we have talent".

Anyone not insulted yet?




The undefeated chump,
er,chimp,
um, champ...yes champ
of course needs little introduction.

The Former President G.W. Bush

"The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." -- Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." --interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." --Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

"And there is distrust in Washington.
I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town.
And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."
--interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007


"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful,
and so are we.
They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people,
and neither do we."
--Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

(watch the clip)



Bush also said
"You can fool some of the people all the time,
and those are the ones you want to concentrate on."


"The problem with the French is
that they don't have a word for entrepreneur."
(entrepreneur, is of course; a French word.)



HEY REPUBLICANS!

DON'T FORGET TO DONATE TO THE BUSH LIBRARY!





Dear Fellow Constituent: The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations.
The Library will include:

1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.


2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won’t be able to remember anything.


3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don’t even have to show up.


4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don’t let you in.


5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don’t let you out.

 

6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.

7. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.

8. The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.

9. The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.

10. The Iraq War Room.
(After you complete your first visit, they make you go back for a second,
third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.)

 11. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location,

complete with shooting gallery.

12. The Environmental Conservation Room,

still empty.

13. The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.

14. The Airport Men’s Room,

where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.

15. The Decider Room, complete with dart board,

magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.  

The library will also include
many famous Quotes
enshrined on plaques
by
George W. Bush:


1. ‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.’\

2. ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.’

3. ‘Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.’

4. ‘No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.’

5. ‘I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.’

6. ‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.’

7. ‘Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.’

8. ‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.’

9. ‘The future will be better tomorrow.’

10. ‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world..’

11. ‘One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.’
(during an education photo-op)

12. ‘Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.’

13. ‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'

14. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."
--GWB at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C.


PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

Sincerely,
Jack Abramoff:
Co-Chair
G.W. Bush Library Board of Directors

Though we are all mere buffoons passing through the sands of time,
some are nothing more, passing gas and wasting time.
Wouldn't recognize a glimpse of truth if it fell on them.
They are The Buffoons Extraordinaire.
The Elite Republican Guard of trumpery.
The laurel wreath of subnormal ignorance rests proudly on their swelled heads.

Remember folks-

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

Your Ad Here

Profiles Of The GOP Candidates - Part 2 - Rick Santurum

Fear And Loathing In The GOP
America's dimmest incompetent xenophobes & homophobes seek to destroy the notion of democracy and make a few bucks in the process.

You have heard the old axiom "every nation has the government it deserves”. Sadly the truth of this is inescapably obvious today in these United States of America. Thanks to the lazy, ignorant, illiterate electorate a toxic brew of political incompetents, corporate lackeys, and self-serving money-grubbing douche-bags; so poisonous to our nation’s government, that it would seem beyond its ability to recover, now inhabit the halls of the nation's government. As we witness the current plague of rapacious circus clowns vying for the nation’s highest office we are inclined to willfully poke a sharp stick in our eyeballs to distract us from the pain.

A jab in the eyeball with a crudely sharpened stick is preferable to listening to any GOP presidential hopeful.

Regressive politics and ruinous political gridlock have left America virtually paralyzed. The collapse of the housing bubble/mortgage crisis continues, as does the financial meltdown that resulted. Incomes for 90% of Americans continue to lag far behind inflation; the middle class is destitute. The political forum ignores any serious issues such as dealing with climate changes, spiraling upwards energy and food prices, a rapacious health insurance system which continues to financially ravage the patients it portends to save, a disastrous trade policy, an ever expanding military budget that dwarfs the rest of the nations in the world combined, to name but a few.

Have you ever heard a more moronic comment?

But what are these assclowns concerned about? None of those things.They are worried about gays being included in civil rights guaranteed by a constitution they have never actually read much less understood , or the fact that some billionaire might have to pay more than half the tax rate a carpenter does.
The endgame is always some sort of advancement of an aristocracy over the notion of democracy.

I Don't Know About You,
But Clowns Have Always Given Us The Creeps

2012 GOP Clown Car Transports Candidates, Pundits & the Zombie Corpse of  Ronald Reagan to Hell.

This country absolutely doesn’t need any level-headed moderates or someone that is fluent in Mandarin like Jon Huntsman. Screw that guy. Good thing he dropped out! He’s a crazy Mormon like Obamney, all they want is to level up so they get their own planet to rule over. What we need are Jackass morons with shit for brains to address the issues that distract us from the reality of the dire circumstances our version of predatory capitalism has unleashed upon the world. "Dick" Santorum fits the bill. 

 

Vote For Me! I'm a P.O.S.!
No really!

Here's the breakdown on the candidate: He is mentioned in the bible (the sweater vest of many colors). He is obsessed with battling homosexuality and seems to feel preventing gays from having weddings is the most important issue in the world.... which more often than not means he's struggling with his own identity issues as we have seen from previous conservative bloviating posers who spend their time denouncing gays such as 20$ Robert "Bob" Allen, Stall man Larry Craig, Richard Curtis, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard, to name a but a few.

Rick Santorum- candidate...major wanker

He believes in a flat earth originally inhabited by Fred Flintstone and his dino-pals 6,000 years ago. He has some big flag pins that were made in China and like the current speaker of the house is known for crying. He has embarrassed his children and forced them to appear in his campaign ads as props. He was soundly given the boot in 2006 by his home district and removed from congress for generally being a worthless douche-bag embarrassing his constituents.

Rick's surname is synonymous with the combination of fecal matter, spermatozoa, and anal lubricants. (A feat unequaled by the other candidates!). What more could you want in a presidential candidate. Here you finally have a candidate who is a piece of shit both figuratively and literally! Seems to the National Buffoon staff he should be a shoe- in!  Besides, he looks like he'd have a birth certificate and he isn't in one of those wacky non-christian cults like many of his opponents. 

Santorum Should Be A Shoe-In For The GOP Nomination

  In Town For The 12,058th GOP Debate...

Mitt Romney gets into a bar and orders a beer.

I’d like a Budweiser.
There you go, sir.

Romney looks shocked.

I never asked for that! I clearly demanded a Coors light!

The barman avoids a confrontation.

Here’s your Coors light.

Romney stands back.

I never requested this beer! I’m the kind of guy drinking a Guinness!

Michele Bachmann gets in.

Hi, sir. Do you have beers what are not owned by the government?
That would be all of them, ma’am.
I am thirsty. Give me 10,000 pints of your most patriotic beer.

The barman tries to remain calm.

What about I give you one pint, and we see from there?
Are you telling me what I can and can’t drink? You want to take my freedom away?

She glares at the barman with crazy eyes. He decides to ignore her. And Romney as well.

Herman Cain gets in.

Hello sir, I would like to order a beer!
Sure, what do you want?
I don’t know.
Do you want to see the list of beers we carry?
I don’t want to read, I want to order a beer, right now!
So which beer would you like to order?
I don’t know, I just told you!

The barman gives him the same treatment as the other two and sees Rick Santorum getting in.

Hello, my good man. I would like a beer.
Which one?
Oh, I don’t care, whatever you have.
One Bud coming…
But I need you to sign this form to attest that this beer has not been served, transported, made or harvested by homosexuals.

At the same moment, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich and Jon Huntsman gets in the bar.

The barman grabs his shotgun and shoots himself in the head.

 

Think about this...not too long though lest your head explode..."A third of the young people in America are not in America because of abortion". Huh? And just think how many youngsters are held prisoner in condoms.

Part One of this article featuring Mitt Romney can be found here:

http://nationalbuffoon.blogspot.com/2012/02/profiles-of-gop-candidates-part-one.html

  

Profiles Of The GOP Candidates- Part One- MITT ROMNEY

It has been said by the punditry that Mitt Romney is the 'man to beat' in the race to become the Republican nomination for President in the 2012 election. We here at National Buffoon agree he definitely needs a good beating or at least a spanking. Mitt Romney is often accused of 'flip-flopping', but our investigative reporters could find no evidence to support this claim. Every photo uncovered showed him wearing shoes, and never any kind of sandals, let alone a pair of flip flops.

Mitt Romey is a sinister cult member, Moron, Mormon from Michigan. In fact he used to be a Mormon Missionary, so he is well used to poking his nose into other people's business and telling them what to do, which is why he wants to be President.

Mitt explains why the federal government must intervene in the personal lives of citizens and why they must not.

  Romney inherited a ton of dough, and keeps much of it in offshore accounts

to avoid the meager 15% tax he'd have to pay if he kept it

in legitimate accounts here in the U.S.A.
As a vulture capitalist he has a long history of raiding companies using borrowed money, dumping the debt incurred from the purchase on the company purchased, firing a bunch of workers and replacing them with cheap sweatshops in exotic locales, and then re-badging the business and dumping it on some schmucks for a tidy profit...or just bankrupting it and pocketing scores of millions of greenbacks in the process.

Mitt is hoping the fact that he is a descendant of Mormons who moved to Mexico from the U.S. in the late 1800s to avoid the laws against polygamy will score him some big time Latino voters
. His grandfather and father were born in the northern state of Chihuahua after all.
(I hope he has his official birth certificate...with a seal...no, a walrus just won't do).
His father came to the U.S. with his parents at age five. 

“I am NOT GONNA aoplogize for ESTEALING YOUR DINERO LEGALLY! Ajua!

  Addressing complaints from  voters that his new Spanish-language Nosotros TV commercial was Greek to them, Gov. Mitt Romney’s campaign today released a subtitled version of the ad, available here for the first time in this National Buffoon exclusive video. 

Romney recently called a press conference to address growing concerns regarding rumors circulating that his undergarments possess some type of magical properties. The 64-year old former Massachusetts Governor was adamant that his underwear was just as normal as anyone else's.

“Look, Mormons catch a lot of flack for their underwear, but my underpants are just as normal as anyone else's,” explained Romney. “People joke that Mormons wear `magic' underwear, but that's just nonsense.

 Our underpants represent our faith, and remind us that we need to stay pure. Every single time we see our underpants on us, it's like God is saying `dude, I know you're all alone, and you thought Jim's third wife was pretty risque showing off those ankles of hers, but look at your underwear!'
It's like a chastity belt you see, but without all the chaffing.”

Romney responded harshly to a question from the audience from a journalist asking how the underwear could stop someone from playing with themselves. “Look, it's all a part of the Mormon faith, okay? The underwear is just a last line of defense. When I pee, I use my special salad tongs to handle the equipment. When I'm showering, I need to use a special sponge-ladle with needles sticking out of it, to make sure I get no pleasure from washing . It's all a small price to pay for being so in-touch with God the Father who is now on a planet near the star Kolob with his wives ...without any touching though, obviously.”

When a National Buffoon White House correspondent asked Romney where the myth about Mormon underwear's magical capabilities comes from, Romney shoved both hands into his pants, pulling his underwear off without so much as lifting a leg. “That's where. We Mormons can do that. It's something you learn at Brigham Young. Whenever people see that, they think it's magic, but really, it's just being limber from all the years of sexual repression we have to endure .”

A few moments later, Romney moved the underwear slightly, and a rabbit fell out of them, followed briefly by a dove flying out of them into the air. “I don't know how that happened! Our underwear isn't magic, I swear! Well, I don't swear to God, that would be a sin. ..but yeah, I promise these underpants aren't magical!”

           

In a related story, GOP Presidential candidate and former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman also made underwear-related headlines today when, according to numerous eyewitnesses, Huntsman used his Mormon underwear to save a child that had fallen into a well in Eastern Iowa. Witness accounts cite that Huntsman, after removing his underwear in a fashion similar to that of Romney, pulled a long series of handkerchiefs from the supposedly non-magical underwear, using them as a rope to rescue the young child. The boy was reportedly thankful that Huntsman had rescued him, but was also “creeped out” that Huntsman opted to use his underwear for the rescue, rather than the large pile of rope that had been sitting next to the old well.

The Dangers of Solar Energy

By National Buffoon Science Editor I. M. Akook

Many progressive groups and individuals are proposing that government spend hard earned tax money on research and development of systems to utilize solar energy. They are urging construction of vast solar energy collectors to convert dangerous solar radiation into electricity to supply our energy needs. They would even put solar collectors on roofs of homes, factories, schools, and other buildings. Proponents of this technology claim that energy obtained from the sun will be safer and cleaner than coal, oil, or nuclear energy sources.

We view these proposals with alarm. Unscrupulous scientists and greedy promoters are hoodwinking the gullible public. We consider it rash and dangerous to commit our country to the use of solar energy. This solar technology has never been utilized on such a large scale, and there is no assurance of its long-range safety. Not one single study has been done to assess the safety of electricity from solar energy as compared to electricity from other sources! Not one!

The promoters of solar energy would have you believe that it is perfectly safe. Yet they conveniently neglect to mention that solar energy is generated by nuclear fusion! This process operates on the very same basic laws of nuclear physics used in nuclear power plants and atomic bombs!
And what is the source of this energy? It is hydrogen, a highly explosive gas (remember the Hindenberg?) Hydrogen is also the active material in H-bombs, that are not only tremendously destructive, but produce dangerous fallout! The glib advocates of solar energy don't even mention these disturbing facts about the true sources of solar energy. What else are they hiding from us?

In addition to the known dangers cited above, what about the unknown dangers, that very well might be worse? When pressed, scientists will admit that they do not fully understand the workings of the sun, or even of the atom. They will even grudgingly admit that our knowledge of the basic laws of physics is not yet perfect or complete. Yet these same reckless scientists would have us use this solar technology even before we fully understand how it works.

The evidence is already clear that too much exposure to sunlight can cause skin cancer. But solar collectors would concentrate that sunlight (that otherwise would have fallen harmlessly on waste land), convert it to electricity and pipe it into our homes to irradiate us from every light bulb! We would then not even be safe from this cancer-producing energy even in our own homes!
We all know that looking at the sun for even a few seconds can cause blindness. What long term health hazards might result from reading by light derived from solar energy? We now spend large amounts of time looking at the light from television monitors or computer screens, and one can only imagine the possible long-term consequences of this exposure when the screens are powered with electricity from solar collectors. Will we develop cataracts, or slowly go blind? Not one medical study has yet addressed itself to this question, and none are planned.
In their blind zeal to plug us in to solar energy, scientists seem to totally ignore possible fire hazards of solar energy. Sunlight reaching us directly from the sun at naturally safe levels poses little fire threat. But all one has to do is concentrate sunlight, with a simple burning- glass, and it readily ignites combustible materials. Who would feel safe with solar energy concentrators on their roof? Could we afford the fire insurance rates?
These scientists, and the big corporations that employ them, stand to profit greatly from construction of solar-power stations. No wonder they try to hide the dangers of the technology and suppress any open discussion of them.
 

Tokyo Knows All Too Well The Dangers Of Radiation

Proponents of solar energy present facts, figures and graphs to support their claim that energy from the sun will be less expensive, as conventional fuel supplies dwindle and technology of solar energy systems improve. But even if this is so, what will stop the solar energy equipment manufacturers and solar power companies from raising prices when they achieve a monopoly and other fuel sources disappear?
  We might be willing to tolerate some small risk—if solar energy really represented a permanent solution to our energy problems. But that is not the case. At best, solar energy is only a temporary band-aid. Recent calculations indicate that the Sun will go out in a billion years as its fuel runs out.  Wouldn't it be better to put our human resources and scientific brains to work to find a safer and more permanent solution to our energy needs?

Solar radiation may cause the human species to mutate!

The GOP Loony Bin

Apparently no sane person would want to be President of the U.S.A.

You have to feel sorry for Americans, first all their jobs were shipped out to unregulated sweatshops in countries where labor and life are dirt cheap. Then the corporate cartels and Wall Street Banksters who benefited from the job heist, speculated in the real estate market causing a bubble that collapsed the values of the one thing middle class families had equity in...their homes. As if that wasn't enough, just to add insult to injury the same white collar thugs who robbed the nation blind demanded reimbursement from the very people they robbed to replace the capital they lost betting against America, playing "time bomb" with worthless "instruments" they concocted, running Ponzi Schemes, and "price-fixing" markets. Now to add salt to the wounds of voters; already despondent, dismayed, beaten down, and battered from mismanagement and plain old idiocy from their government representatives, they have been forced to endure 2 zillion debates and endless jaw flapping from the GOP B Team. That's right, you heard right, even though the economy is in shambles which means the sitting president historically is toast, the best and brightest of the opposition are making like ostriches and burying their heads under ground. No one with half a brain is remotely interested in presiding over what is being done to America right now. ENTER THE "B" TEAM...a bunch of loser misfits unable to form coherent sentences, let alone a policy that might be helpful, or at least not harmful.  

Yes, it's the B team....unlike the TV show or Movie of a similar name, this ragtag collection of ne'r-do-wells don't help anyone but themselves, are not mindlessly entertaining to anyone but the Koch Brothers & Rupert Murdoch, always are fighting for injustice, and don't even know how to operate a van.

 Taking a cue from the B team, other candidates have stuck with Hollywood themes as well to sell themselves to the extremists er uh, I mean voters.

The Shining

In Gastrointestinal Productions release called

"Lustin' Power- Man of Misogyny", Candidate Newt Gingrich plays" Dr. Evil"
to mixed reviews.

  

Meanwhile back in Michele's Bat Cave sometimes called the house of representatives,
Bat Boy Cantor swings into action delivering blow after blow to those criminals who had the unmitigated audacity not to be billionaires. "These bastards have had it far too easy" he said while using a tree saw to slit the throat of a senior citizen applying for Medicare.

Earlier the fellow who bought all the leftover QT instant tanning cream on E - Bay
Starred in his own production of "Much Ado About Nothing".
The critics were brutal, calling it the worst performance ever.

After Failing at the box office with his first effort as Dr. Evil, 

Newt began trying to con people into buying used junker ideas.

Yeah, it was only used once by an old lady in Pasadena.

Newt supports eliminating child labor laws so those damned moocher children can be used as indentured slaves. Again he got the idea from watching a movie...."Oliver Twist".

Yeah! Put dem little bastards to work!  The bums!

Movie goers have seen this plot before. The original release was foul enough.
But a sequel? No way.

 But the big "surprise" box office thrust was from Rick Santorum
who starred in a double feature that swept Iowa off it's feet
when he came from behind with these 2 double features.
His crappy remake called
Ricky & The Chocolate Factory...

 And his stunning role in his own cheap remake of  Tarantino's film
"Insidious Bastards"

 (In this version, there is a plot to throw Hitler a birthday party).

 

 

After poor ticket sales the Bachmann Show closed and she went home.

 

The Perry Show was continued for some reason however.
Probably because the Koch Brothers who produce the show

have nothing better to do with their money.

When the theater rain has been used up, and the stagehands have all gone home,

the box office bombs will have become mere bad memories of a stench,
it will be Mitt Romney making the curtain call....not that his act is good mind you.
It is not.
However he is the only production out there capable of delivering his lines.
He can put a few words together to form a sentence.
All the other "stars" will be in rehab.
At the end of the day there is no other GOP choice.

But there is one other possible outcome.

The GOP may be forced to run the only candidates they seem to have who would appeal to voters in a general election. You know, the ones who realize an erection is not "personal growth".
In early polling, The Kraken-Cthulhu team actually pulls nearly 50% of both Republicans & Democrats!

GOP
This is your best chance of winning.
Run these guys and you may just take the White House.
Of course they will eat you.
But winning is all that really matters.