Friday, September 19, 2008

National Buffoon Campaign Update



ELECTION NEWS
McCain Inexplicably beat himself senseless today at a GOP rally

Assimilated Press,Wankerville,Texas- Today, John McCain, standing before a crowd of some of the nations leading imbeciles accused Washington insiders and lobbyists of being responsible for the nation's financial woes. He then proceeded to beat himself to pulp for being a Washington insider and surrounding himself with a team of lobbyists. The local Fire Marshall said the hall held 500 people but the McCain Campaign estimated the crowd to be 50 gazillion.

Before being escorted out by "fine young men in their clean white coats" McCain poked Carly Fiorina in the eyeball. "That's for saying I couldn't deflate the value of HP by 60% like you did Carly" said McCain.
"I got mine!" Carly cried while clinging to her golden parachute.

The supporters at the McCain rally cheered and lit their crosses.
Yipee! Hoot! Hoot! Now I'm going home to cut and paste Hannity and Limbaugh BS on the internets.

Palin Flips Justice The Bird
Palin refuses to co operate with independent investigators
regarding Trooper-Gate.
"Up yours America!"

Having been coached by Bush operatives running the McCain Campaign
Palin and her "first dude" defied subpoenas to testify in the bipartisan Trooper-gate investigation. (So that is what VPs do!)
How long before she starts shooting people in the face?
Cheney claimed that the Vice President was a separate 4th branch of government-
that it was autonomous and immune from justice dept. scrutiny.
Now with special GOP trainin' we are expected to believe candidates for that office and their spouses are immune as well? Seems like a stretch, but unlike the supply of oil, the gullibility of an appreciable number of Americans is limitless.

THE ECONOMY
WTF?


Obama and Biden watched in disbelief as McCain
inserted his foot in his mouth over and over again.
They spent the bulk of the week responding to claims by the McCain Campaign that they are lesbian communist mutants from a moon of an undiscovered planet named
Muslimia that orbits McCain's ass (which is where he pulls most everything he says out of). The Obama campaign was uncertain how to respond to McCain's latest smear ad that claims Biden and Obama are really the Republicans and that McCain and Palin are not really insane.

Despite their false claims of deathly fear of socialism,
the GOP cheered as Bush socialized the banking system.

Resisting common sense simple regulations of any kind for many years, the "deregulatin' " GOP successfully allowed their greed mad donors to run amok on Wall Street creating a complete meltdown. They then basically nationalized the banking system to cover the "reckless bets" of corporate lackeys at the expense of trillions of dollars from the U.S. treasury. Now Americans can use their currency for toilet paper and actually save money, as toilet paper is now far more valuable.

RFE and Tehranchik's Flag pins are still the biggest!

Meanwhile Tehranchik was kidnapped by a giant monkey from the RFE/Tehranchik campaign central offices in an attempt to thwart democracy.

The day was saved by RFE when he was able to rescue Tehranchik from the clutches of the GOP. Both of candidates have spent the last week continuing to fight the brain eating zombies that are being created by McCain and Palin.

Remember folks, only brain eating zombies vote for McCain!RFE and Tehranchik-The only candidates that keep you
safe and secure from Brain eating Zombies.


GOPLAND
After destroying the middle class, Main street, Wall street, (basically everything but a few mansions on Easy street). The GOP set their sites on turning the country into a theme park.
That's right, the USA is now officially a third rate cheesy amusement park for the entertainment of the few who can afford admission.
Welcome to GOPLAND folks!
Let's have a look at some of the featured rides.



Rollercoaster thrills abound with the worlds biggest steepest drop designed by the top GOP engineers.

Enter if you dare!
The scariest ride in the park.

(Riders may get more than a little wet in the waterboarding section.)

Separate admission is charged for Cheney's Dark ride. The fee must be deposited in a blind trust in an offshore tax dodging account.

Hell of a ride, Brownie.
The GOPLAND's version of the venerable Log Flume
is now open.
Ride attendants have been trained to entirely ignore drowning riders.

McCain's "Wizard Of Asinine"
3D Experience

The ride is identical to Bush's "Wizard Of Crap" located in the adjacent theater.


GOPLAND's
Butt Pirates Of the Caribbean
Sometimes called Mr. Craig's Wild Ride
The lines are often long for this ride,
it's very popular among GOP Senators and councilmen alike!

For lighter entertainment be sure to visit:
The Arcane Arcade
Good old fashioned GOP (Manson) Family Values games to play.




For The Kids

C'mon over to Mr. Veepee's White House Puppet Theater.
It's a laugh a minute.
In a modern retelling of the Pinnochio story, a wooden headed puppet
becomes animated when appointed president.


Ride The
GOPLAND Merry Go Round.

If your not getting enough spin from Mainstream media,
hop your butt up on one of these nice liitle hobby horses.
The GOP loves Kids! Ask Foley. or any of these clowns.


The KKKiddie Ferris Wheel
This ride only spins to the right.

The Main Attraction
Hop onboard the "Terrist Express" for thrills and chills
unlike anything you've ever seen before.
This is the ride that has voters coming back time and time again.
There is nothing like it!


You can be sure there will be some new features added to this popular attraction soon. Nothing distracts voters attention from issues like the nation becoming a 3rd world toilet quite like a good old sabre rattlin'!

Don't forget to bring the kids to the snack bar!

Lots o' tasty treats for everyone!
The snack bar is sponsored by Home Depot.








Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.


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2 comments:

Kat said...

Some people just can't take a joke!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is the finest site I've come across on the internet. And it is all 100% true...it's got to be true...I read it in the National Buffoon!