Friday, August 29, 2008

Democratic National Convention Ends-GOP Begins

Lines of people several blocks long
Lined the streets outside Mile High
Stadium and 75,000 people inside
were excited to be there for the historic occasion.

Barrack Obama delivered an acceptance speech that
brought tears to the eyes of many inspiring and electrifying
many more.



"These challenges are not all of government's making," Claimed Obama,
"But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush. . . . I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and independents across this great land: Enough!" he said.


The Convention closed leaving many proud of the USA, renewed in spirit, and energized.

The crowd displayed their flags.



McCain meanwhile has chosen his running mate.


It is Dubya.


The Republican Convention gets underway!
An exiting event chock full of inspiring messages
whipping the crowd into a frenzy!

A 2 hour video was shown of a rock that had "McCain" written on it.
Many believe it is the 1st political ad, dating back eons!


Trying to counter the historic nature of Obama's nomination,
the GOP is pointing out that if McCain is elected,
He will be the 6th Civil War president
ever to hold the office!




McCain delivers his acceptance speech!


Admittedly there was no way to compete with the
Democratic National Convention's excitement or attendance.
So the GOP showed a film of lots of people
waving their flags behind McCain so they didn't look so lame.
But someone should tell them that film isn't the best choice.
And that flag isn't the best one to wave around either.
The Republican Convention came to a close before it started.





Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.


Your Ad Here



Thursday, August 28, 2008

My Name Is John McCain And I Approve These Diapers

My Friends,
more and more I am having troubles
convincing people to vote for me,
not just because of the pantload
of Rove-Bush politics I'm peddling,
but because of
the actual pantload I'm carrying.

Even when Bush and I were celebrating the defeat of New Orleans
I didn't even realize my shorts were overflowing.
It wuz gettin' embarrassin'!


Now finally after one of dem' town meetin's some other old geezer
told me about a product that he uses to go all day without even changing his pants!


I campaign in all 13 colonies now
without embarrassment!

"My friends, surely you too loose bowel control while away from one of your 12 mansions, ranches and condos and these babys last and last; they hold a couple days worth!
And they come in white only!!!
I hear even you poor people who make less than 5 million a year are allowed to buy them too!"


"Yes My friends, this is the best product I've found
for disguising the fact that I'm full of it!

Get yours today!
And if you act now your diapers will have a GOP logo
made in China by political prisoners
out of toxic waste glued to the inside!
Not only that friends,
but I'll include at no extra cost to you
lead based paint and asbestos dust toys for your kids
and some anti-freeze flavored pet food
for your best friend.
Did I mention I was a POW?
Aghhh...there I go again.
But thanks to these new industrial grade Depends,
I don't care. And you shouldn't either!

Tell that whipersnapper Obama he better stay off my lawn!"







Vote fer me or else!!!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Holy Pornography Battyman!

Just What Is the Message Here?



It's a good thing spelling is not in the 10 commandments!
Of Course that book learnin' ain't important to the true thumper.
(If they would read it, instead of thumping it or believing charlatan "leaders" make stuff up about what it says, they wouldn't be like fish in a barrel to poke fun at.)

I could have sworn I saw the man in the poster up in New Hampshire, A Germanic looking white bread goya with bleach white skin.
Did anyone in the Middle East really look like this?
I won't comment on this photo too much, I'm sure your thinking the same things I am.
  • How do you know he is?
  • No wonder he's smiling!
  • Tissues?
  • Would that be a sin?
  • Where is the Pope on this?
  • So that's what the 2nd coming is about.
  • Is this in the New Testicle or the Old one?
  • And why is that sheep smiling? Oh No!





And I don't know why Spider-Man, the Hulk, and Captain America are on the poster.
They are just made up comic book characters and people in "Holy" books are....um er....well?.


Anyway it looks like down the street at the 'ol Tremont Evangelical Church
they don't care much for spellin' neither!



Who the hell is Chirst? I wanted to know so I went to my trusty search engine and apparently we should all be more like teenage goth girls.

The other interesting hit was this video:








Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.


Your Ad Here


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Lawmakers Compete For National Buffoon "Buffoon Extradinaire" Award


"The law is a horrible business."
- Clarence Seward Darrow

National Buffoon salutes buffoonery of all kinds, from the nefarious charlatan, the intellectually challenged, to the common nitwit . This month we have a look at some Lawmakers who obviously are buffoons...but is their buffoonery extraordinary enough to echo through the hallowed halls of the National Buffoon? Let's have a look.

Thinking Inside The Box (groan)

Our first contender is Wisconsin Justice Patience Roggensack, who recently wrote a majority opinion with three other buffoons er, uh, justices, declaring it to be illegal in Wisconsin to dig up cadavers and have sex with them. Now is there a plague of necrophilia in Wisconsin? Or was this OK until last month? Apparently after much discussion, the Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled 5 -2 it was indeed not lawful because a dead person could not give consent. The dissenting justices feared the decision might affect their own inclinations towards members of the bovine community... they argued that moo was close enough to more indicating legal consent.

Justice Roggensack ponders the issue.

Men At Work With Guns And Bozos

No, it's not a concert with Colin Hay and Slash. The 2nd contender for Buffoon Extradinaire this month is the entire Florida legislature, who recently passed a befuddled 39 page bill that gun advocates in the legislature claim as a victory but gun control advocates in the same legislature also claim as a victory. Wow, must be a great law if it pleases both sides right? Well aside from the actual lawmakers no one thinks it makes any sense. It gives employees the right to carry fire arms at their jobs, but bans customers and employers from carrying firearms. Seems the NRA isn't pleased, and customers and employers are not pleased. (They are filing challenges). Something must be in that swamp water in Florida that acts as a nutrient for buffoonery. 39 pages of obtuse in-articulation and absurdity. Nice work, Bozos.



Though I'm not sure just who to nominate for this bit of buffoonery (or is it indeed brilliance?)
In New York, you cannot dissolve a marriage over irreconcilable differences
until both parties agree to it.
????
WTF!

Americans Are Not The Only Contenders
When it comes to dumb lawmakers and the laws they create of course there is international competition for the top spot. For instance in the land that gave us the barometer, electric battery, nitroglycerin, wireless telegraphy and pasta has been enacting some buffoonish laws of late. In Italy, it is illegal for men to wear skirts. Well , I guess Scotland isn't all that far away. It seems the inferior er, uh, interior minister, Roberto Maroni, has given cities additional powers to address security and public decorum issues. And they have wasted no time turning their hamlets and cities into clown houses and bad vaudevillian circuses. The use of lawnmowers and electric hedge-clippers is banned on weekends in Tuscany. ( Annoy your neighbors during the week?) In Novara, Piedmont, the mayor issued an order this summer prohibiting groups of three or more people from gathering between 11:30 p.m. and 6 a.m. in public areas. in Eraclea, a resort on the Adriatic coast, beach games have been prohibited and activities such as digging in the sand are prohibited. In Rome tourists are not allowed to drink or eat within 200 feet of a historical site (What is not a historical site in Rome?) There is A 50 euros fine for lying down in a park in the northern city of Vicenza to read a book. Ho Ho! Good old fashioned Reich fun I guess. Of course Italy's neighbor, Switzerland did not wish to be left out of the competition. It is illegal in that country to flush the toilet after 10 p.m.
Not only that, but a man is not allowed to stand up and pee after 10 p.m.
(Are they light sleepers? Or loud peepers?)

In South Korea, traffic police are supposed to report all bribes that they receive from motorists. Now in the UK, a man was arrested for laughing. Here is the particulars: A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her and felt humiliated She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...... She had him arrested. When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a rude manner. He told the judge "when the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: ‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’. I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: ‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’. Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:
‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’
The charges were dismissed.