Thursday, December 17, 2009

Santa's Steaks And Chops

Well it all started when old Father Christmas was surfing the web. He uses web cams to to peep in on the boys and girls these days to see who is naughty or nice. When what to his wandering eyes should appear? Why The National Buffoon of course, Santa was horrified at first but could not stop reading thing you know he became addicted to reading the site.

Santa decided he would expand his meat business.
Why settle for merely peddling tainted meat from the back of his van?
Not when he could warm it up and sell it in a restaurant at quadruple the quadruped price!

Where does Santa put his gravy?
Why on Dasher, on dancer, on Donner, and Blitzen of course!

So he opened "Santa's Chops & Steaks"
Serving the finest game and roadkill in the great white north!

Today's special is Prancer Tartar!

"So come on up to Santa's Chops & Steaks, home of the 2.99 fried reindeer!
And Don't forget to try my New England Style Cat Chowder!
It's thick and chunky! "

So bring the whole family!
We have Poker in the back,
and liquor in the front.

Mrs. Clause has a package for all you naughty boys in the back.
Don't forget to tip!

Of course Santa still keeps his day job.
And a great deal of tradition and preparation is involved.

After enjoying his holiday ham, Kringle has to buckle down to the business of
disciplining all the naughty girls.

There is no shortage of naughty girls so Santa stays very busy.
Here he is at his workshop.

Of course Santa chopped up all the elves and served them in his restaurant.
Replacing them with child labor in Vietnamese sweatshops.

In the magic hours before he delivers his goods on Christmas eve,
He exposes himself to holiday shoppers all over the planet!

Then he fondles your mother.

Finally, in the wee hours before you wake up on Xmas morn,
he scours the nearby dumpsters and leaves what he finds under your tree!

Then when it's all over, he goes home, rolls a fatty,
and rides his's a Holly Davidson.

The staff of the National Buffoon
wish you and yours a very happy holiday!
But watch out for our editor...he's hiding in your tree!
Ho Ho Ho!

Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

Your Ad Here

No comments: