Friday, November 26, 2010

White House, Black Friday

U.S.President Barack Obama and the first family will celebrate the Black Friday holiday today in The White House watching movies with the Wayans Brothers in them and having a quiet dinner. "You know folks, you don't have to be black to enjoy Black Friday," the President said. "Much like one doesn't have to be white to enjoy a white Christmas."
Republicans immediately denounced the Holiday and will hold witch hunts, er uh...investigations looking into the possibility that the president may be a werewolf. "That's right" said leading idiot Rand Paul, "He's some kinda' secret werewolf we believe, as he has never appeared in public with wolf-bane dangling around his neck or in the company of Lon Chaney who I think was vice president once.

Republican artist depiction of Barrack Obama

Rand then stripped and piled his clothes by the roadside...He peed in a circle round his clothes and then, just like that, he started howling and then ran off into the woods.

Rand Paul

Many black activists however claim that the holiday is an insult to black Americans as it is marked not by any sort of traditional celebration or activity, but rather by discounts and sales at stores. Rev. Al Sharpton is asking everyone to boycott Black Friday and " Sleep in instead of stampeding at Walmart to get flammable pajamas at half price".

Annual Walmart Rube Stampede

"Does the white man think that the black man cannot afford regular prices?" opined Jesse Jackson at a recent rally outside an Atlanta Walmart. "Have you seen what people are willing to pay for a pair of sneakers? We can afford your regular prices!" He told National Buffoon on his way to Best Buy.

However, critics point to the yearly ritual of marking Presidents' Day with automobile sales as proof that whites don't discriminate when it comes to turning holidays into giant displays of gross commercialism.

Obama is not the first Black Friday celebrating President however as "Dubya" Bush ditched his favorite red crayon and instead drew pictures with a black crayon during his term - two of these crayon drawings still hang on the refrigerator in the White House kitchen.
One of Bush's coveted renderings from his "blue" pretzel period.
And Abe Lincoln of course sold his famous "Lincoln Logs" at a discount on the date.

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