Monday, November 28, 2011

Black Friday Shoppers Mistaken For Occupy Wall Street Protesters


By National Buffoon political Correspondent Darius Lesgettham
 Wall Street, NEW YORK CITY, New York --
Some 10,000 people lined up outside the legendary Macy's for Black Friday since 4 a.m Thursday  and were  mistaken by police as Occupy Wall Street protesters.
"There were hundreds of angry, despondent assholes in a long line " said Officer Frank Furter as he gunned down a smiling woman with a couple of shopping bags in hand. "Who the hell could blame us?"
Officer Frank Furter eliminates a terrorist threat
"who knows what kind of bomb she had in those bags!"

 Although the department store did not open for several hours, customers felt it was best to arrive early for no apparent reason. "What the hell's wrong with kids these days?" Furter asks. "Don't they ever sleep?"

 The Occupy Wall Street protests have gotten so out-of-hand and so heavily shoved down our throats by the mainstream media that police were called to break up any large crowds near the NYC area. "It's getting uglier ever day," said Officer Stu Pitt. "You sure didn't see this crap in the 60s or 70s!"

Macys is occupied.
Retired Capt. Ray Lewis, who was arrested in the Occupy protest on November 18, has spoken out against the cops. "These people have a constitutional right to buy whatever they want. These cops are idiots. Where's the protest signs? The people shouting and chanting? The only shouting I heard was 'Open the damn door!' at about 7:01 this morning, because they were late opening. The store apologized for the tardiness and kindly asked the cops to leave, but they refused and began pepper spraying and shooting people, even the clerks in the store...idiots I tell you!"

Despite the violence a few customers managed to buy  some  I-pads, Zunes, kitchen paraphernalia, seasonal decorations and even an old William Shatner LP.

In other news Justin Bieber ate a sandwich.

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