Still More Of The Worst Xmas Card Photos Ever!!!

Ok now this makes the snow on the outside windowsill look warm and inviting!
This sort of foreshadows that whole Emo thing doesn't it?
All they need is some black lipstick.
Maybe Santa will bring them some.
I think the plants liven up the shot.

 Well here's another poster family for Prozac.
Pop has found the pattern in the area rug remarkably fascinating.
The kid in the middle is strangling a dachshund.
While the kid on the end is hyp-mo-tized!
Is that an oven used for cremation where they are sitting?

 What does the civil war, the south sea islands, and hot dogs have in common?
No, seriously, what does the civil war, the south sea islands, and hot dogs have in common?

 Why would anyone want a picture of themselves with some guy in a bloody apron?
Why would they send it in a greeting card?
According to the site I found this on, the kid & mom were at a Civil War re-enactment.
Still...why?

The importance of not being seen?
These people hatched from those shrubs!

 

 Um...the point of a phony backdrop is make it appear as if your actually there.
I think the concept was lost on these folks.

 These kids had to have grown up to be serial killers.

Oh, the humanity!

 The standards at Buckingham Palace have gone way down.
Damn, that's awful.

 He is “the most interesting geriatric in world.”
A good suit and tie should last 10 years….
Who is this guy? This is hilarious.

Keep Fest in Festivus.

Well they couldn't afford a cheesy angel treetopper this year

so little johnny here will be getting a tree up his butt shortly. 

 I guess "Don" had the good sense to be the one taking the picture as opposed to being in it.
Another advertisement for anti-depressants.

 There is no excuse for this!

The only one not closing their eyes appears to simply be some guy who just wandered into the photo.

 The kid on the left is the only one with decency.

 Putting the dis in dysfunctional!
More Prozac please.

 Deter there has a public access dance show in Germany.

 You just know they are listening to achy breaky heart...

 How do we loathe this photo? Let us count the ways.

The monkey committed suicide shortly after the photo shoot.

 Oh great, a goth xmas...may your days be dreary and black!
And may all your prescriptions be Prozac...
Santa committed suicide shortly after this.

 Yes,it's the Johnson's again...wish they'd stop sending us those cards.

 Bad AND creepy!
No...there is another. Let's hope as stupid, she is not.
Never underestimate the powers of the dark side. Or Regis Philbin.

 Ever since the economic meltdown, it's cheaper to hire foreigners
to decorate rather than buy a tree.

 Well there is some truth in advertising.
Anyone who would wear that tee shirt is a huge tool.

Damn....zombies!

"Brains...must ...eat...brains".

Peas On Earth - More Awful Holiday Decor, Cards, & More!!! More!!! More!!!

By National Buffoon Editor,
Benjamin New, Esq.

Well it's been nearly a week since we collected enough awful seasonal  doo-dads to post a page about them here at the National Buffoon. It appears that during the intervening days, lead-based paint supplies have run dangerously low as more Chinese factories have come online, flooding the markets with with even more ugly retina-singing awfulness which should be kept away from small children and ideally everyone with functioning frontal lobes as well.

The War On Christmas-The Battle of Epiphany

 Santa has been targeted with Weapons of Midnight Mass Destruction
  Time to fire up your Intercontinental Bellistic Mistletoes!
Peas On Earth, and pass the ammo
indoctrinate the young ones.

Grease Light Up Holograph

According to the product description, this god awful ornament “lights up and plays part of ‘Hopelessly Devoted to You’.It holographic pictures that change scenes, a very unique ornament for the Grease fan.”

It is our experience that anything that lights up while playing a song should immediately be hurled down a long flight of stairs or dropped from a balcony.

Two words: ‘Grease fire’.

The Holy Hot Dog

Nothing invokes the miracle and proper spirit of Christmas quite like intestinal casings filled with scrap meat, lips, and sodium nitrite rendered in glass. According to the product description, this magical ‘old world’ gift ( picture Medieval craft guilds offering this up to some particularly despised supernatural ne'r do well) is “glittered for you to enjoy and cherish as a holiday heirloom”. If by “cherish as a holiday heirloom”, the people who wrote this mean “sell at a yard sale for 5 cents come spring”, then, yes, it could be used in that manner.

Don't We Usually Just Recycle These Things?

If you buy a hundred of these things and litter your mantle with them,
Scrooge will be visited by the Ghost of Andy Warhol.

 (Whether the split-pea soup version is equally collectible remains to be seen).
According to the product description this retails for $8 US. and
it has ‘Never been displayed’...we hope this holiday tradition continues.

The Traditional Decapitated Teddy Bear

It's basically your good old-fashioned stuffed teddy bear with a standard light bulb fixture
and a lampshade where its head ought to be. Perfect for prepubescent serial killers.

Once In Royal David's Butcher Shop

 What could possibly be more festive than fake pork?

Spare No Expense

 Literally...no expense whatsoever, you can find these in the dumpster behind any Dunkin' Donuts.
Stick a bit of ribbon from some gift you received last year and viola!
Imagine the faces of those who receive such a wondrous thoughtful (if not ponderous) gift!

Christmas Is In The Air

...And in the crapper.
Imagine your tree all decked out with plumbing and poop themed ornaments!
Is this the origin of the yule log?
(Santa Claus is going)


O Come All Ye Faithful

Don't tell me the makers of this candle didn't realize
this is how it would look if you burned it.
(Santa Claus is coming)

Chet's Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire

Phallus Navidad?

The Little Dumper Boy

 This is not photoshopped. In parts of Spain defecating is part of the Christmas tradition.
They include this in their manger scenes. Really!
God's restroom ye merry gentlemen.

 Christmas Excitement!

Ding Dong Merrily On High?

Xmas Card Photo Public Service Announcement

from the The Dribblers 

 Don't forget to shake!

 Apparently Santa Is Bad Sometimes Too.

 Did someone cold cock Santa for giving them a crappy present?
Or perhaps one of the naughty girls Dads didn't like Santa's candy cane gift.
Or maybe he just got drunk the night before and fell on a lawn sprinkler.

Aghh!

I sure hope this gift is returnable.

Worst Christmas Cards

Tis the season...
for depression and suicide.
Have your friends robo-call  a hotline and tie up their lines just for yuks! Ask them how you cook a turkey.

By National Buffoon Editor Ben New

Some cards are "professionally" devised and some are not.

This first one is nominated for the sweater shirt combo. Awful! 

Is he tweaking her nips?

 This must be the fellow in our first photo who was  hanging around

...this photo obviously had been taken earlier in the day of course.

The dollar store inflatable Santa adds a touch of class

 Oh Yes!
...and keep Odin In Solstice as well.

"Chicks really dig me"

Of Course what would the holidays be without rednecks  taking pictures of their kids in front of the tree with assault rifles and sub machine guns. They forgot the malt liquor I guess.

We"re leaving Santa a beer and a Slim Jim Xmas eve!

 Ugh!
Wrong!

Jimmy, your mom called. She wants her sweater back.

Blechh, come on you can't be serious.

The sweaters are bad enough but the damned vest is a blasphemy. Still the clothes are not really the problem are they?

Phil here is certainly festive...Mom must be proud. 

She'll be even prouder if you move out of her basement though.

Family and friends surely were delighted when this photo card was delivered with postage due.

 This is actually a fine card and really very very traditional.
Santa taking time out for an orgy? It IS Saturnalia I suppose.
The pause that refreshes!

Ho...Ho...and another Ho!

 The guy in the back is dozing.

I'm sure they get a group discount from their therapist

 These kids will surely become serial killers...and who can blame them really?

Which one would you kick in the ass first? Decisions, decisions...

Mom would have been in the picture but she had to run to the store.
Her subscription to Soldier Of Fortune magazine ran out.

You just know they really think those scarves are cool.If Santa noticed these guys in his toy shop, he'd fumigate the place.

Better to give than to receive.

The dog seeks revenge. His owners had dressed him up in a bad holiday sweater and antlers for a holiday card photo.

Um....no.

A team? They are missing the hole.

 Yeah, a man who thinks he's his pet's father is shooting blanks...this would explain the smile on his wife's face...you know she's getting some on the side.

Advice for the dog....RUN!!!!!