Nothin' says lovin' like somethin' in the oven...especially if its a Holiday Fetus cookie!
Put some in the rubbish outside your local "pro life" fanatic's house. Drives 'em wild.
Very festive!
The gourmet on your list will fully depreciate this gift!
How to make twinkie pie, PBR Egg Nog, opossum pudding and numerous suggestions for cooking Pork Rinds and Hog's maws as well as "unidentified varmint's inards" on an engine manifold are also included.
Edited by the banjo playing kid from "deliverance".
One lump or two?
The tea drinker will be speechless upon receiving this thoughtless gift from you. "And will you take that tea dirty, madam?"
Naked Legless Father Christmas apparently suffocated in a plastic bag.
Who would not be absolutely traumatized to receive this???
A classic!
The Margret Thatcher Nut Cracker.
Always timelessly tasteless.
What better way to honor the the most beloved prime minister in English history?
Among her great and
glorious accomplishments were the final subjugation of Scotland and
Ireland,
the re-establishment of the English Empire, and the complete
destruction of the Argentine nation!
The only competition with this is the Ronald Reagan Can Opener.
Or perhaps the George W. Bush memorial butt plug.
A perennial favorite!
Comes with a $5 off coupon redeemable at your local hospital emergency room.
The self propelled rolling pin...
because you get way too much exercise.
The home made gift always is fashionable, never unappreciated by the recipient.
In this case for instance the gift was personalized
for the occasion by the use of little Suzie's own father's head.
Originally marketed in Japan as an educational toy,
The "shave the baby" doll is just disturbing as it gets.
Why not ruin someone's life by wrapping it up as a gift?
Or why not just give them raw poultry!
Be sure to let it sit out at room temperature
for a few hours first so that it isn't useful.
They'll just loathe you for it!
It's always hilarious to give running shoes to anyone wheel chair bound!
Those vacuum cleaner haircutting devices.
Always god awful!
The Chimney Jesus Tree Ornament
Always tasteful!
Remember folks...
The reason for the season!
It's the solstice!!!
So punk your friends,
And embarrass your family!
And be sure to go see the
National Buffoon
Holiday movie
in theaters this season...
THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS.
God, who also often uses aliases such as Yahweh, Allah or Jehovah to evade debt collectors is the supreme Holy Head Honcho. He is best known for creating all of existence, with the exception of himself, unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster, the Inca Empire, Big Foot, Robert Mitchum films, and Devil's food cake. He is burdened with the responsibility of sustaining the equilibrium that allows life to continue, such as answering prayers about football games, committing genocide, committing mass infanticide, starting wars, knocking up virgins, and making stars twinkle. Despite this unfathomable responsibility, God shoehorns these important tasks into the corner whenever some event such as a horse race is on, as he is apparently a compulsive gambler.
Just before Creation, on the night preceding October 23, 4004 B.C., God was sitting at a non-existent table playing a non-existent game of poker with several other non-existent deities. After losing a bundle in the great Celestial Poker Game, Satan, aka the Devil aka Monty, bet God that He (God) couldn't gather more souls than he (Satan) could. God, being a notorious gambler, instantly took the bet, and the deal was done. According to an account by Archbishop James Ussher, 17th century Primate of All Ireland, this was widely thought to be a "sucker's bet" as there were no souls to be had. The best God could do would be a tie (0 souls to 0 souls), which by the nature of the bet would mean a loss for Him. But the inveterate gambler God went to work creating a universe in which said souls could exist to be gathered.
In six days, God created the heaven and the earth, sun and moon, stars, puppies, kittens, death cap mushrooms and fake dinosaur bones. On the seventh day, God rested in order to watch football as He had a tenner on the Giants. Satan, on the other hand, got busy collecting souls. This is why Satan leads the bet, and why sports teams never bother to pray to him. It's also why Godly people never capitalize his pronouns.
Rare photo of God playing dice with several Albert Einsteins.
Einstein used Relativity to duplicate himself at the Celestial Dice
Game, thus beating both God and Satan at their own game.
Following all the recent incidents of people eating human
flesh as a source of nourishment, cannibalism cases are growing on a
global scale. Requiring less digestive effort than gorging on chicken,
eating people has traditionally been reserved for the elite, but now
many are trying to imitate the now infamous Miami Face Eater in an
attempt to go down in history right before getting shot by the police. The self proclaimed
"Cleveland Face Eater" is currently at large and is comfortably leading
the race in cannibalism's "Face Eating" category on Youtube. He posted at least six instances of faciès
delectation, where he can be seen chewing the facial attributes off
numerous people, casually washing it all down with some Old Milwaukee
Dry. The CEO of the brewery, Mr. Milwaukee, an old and dry fellow
himself just like his beer, had this to say about the cannibal:
"Great publicity for us! It's awesome to see someone who enjoys a low-calorie, ice-cold beer
made for the Ultra life while chewing a protein-rich face and eyeballs.
Modern people are taking care of their diet and have an active
lifestyle, and the Cleveland Face Eater is a prime example of today's
active lifestyle.
Another well-publicized instance of cannibalism occurred at the Idaho House of Representatives,
where Congressman Hugh G. Bone (R) was savagely attacked by the Speaker of
the House right in the middle of a lengthy speech about the new system
of grading of bovine meat for small producers. The Speaker's sudden
and ferocious attack was reminiscent of a school of piranhas in a
feeding frenzy.
As it turned out, Mr. Bone was posthumously awarded a B- rating
according to his own gradation system. "HIS GODDAMN SIRLOIN WAS TOO
SHORT AND HE HAD STONES IN THE LIVER!!!" the demented speaker shouted
relentlessly while being chased by a battalion of wildlife officers
wielding nets normally meant for catching grizzly bears.
We have a consensus among the general population, that we would like to see those who were not born with fully functioning mental faculties achieve as much as they can in life. Aside from Eugenics fans , programs that help the developmentally disabled are generally supported by most folks.
It has become obvious however, that the Republican Party has taken this concept way too far. The GOP seeks out the dullest dullards and most blithering of idiots among them….. and selects them to occupy the highest political offices.
I suggest this is not conducive to a functional society.
Sadly, the average GOP voter can not spell “society,”
let alone comprehend what might be bad for it.
Why Do Republicans Gleefully Embrace Idiots as Candidates?
The question naturally begs a larger question: How can a nation, with the world’s highest national GDP, and extremely complex systems regulating everything from credit default swaps to nuclear missile safety, possibly allow onto its national stage men and women of such obvious inferior intellect? One might say that there has been a long, pathetic history of anti-intellectual paranoia in American politics. This was documented by author Richard Hofstadter in his book Anti-Intellectualism in American Life (1963). You might say that It is like Cerberus, very difficult to defeat. You chop off a head here or there and another one bites your ass. No matter how advanced the U.S. becomes in technology, biomedicine, and weaponry, it only attracts a confederacy of dunces of ever decreasing skills and mental capacity as Presidential candidates. This has never been more apparent than this election cycle.
The first impression we might observe is that in Kindergarten, Americans are told that any citizen can grow up to be an astronaut, a millionaire basketball star, or President. Obviously this does not mean that simply any idiot can be an astronaut. It takes a wide range of skills, training, and experience to be considered for a space mission. Nor can any buffoon who buys sneakers play basketball well.
In America the idea is promoted that no training or knowledge is required to perform a job that is not only more complicated and demanding than piloting spacecraft or being an athlete, but one which regulates these occupations and all sorts of other complex and nuanced occupations around the globe (including undercover agents in foreign lands).
You will do as you are told!
It baffles me that you can attract a huge amount of support in this country precisely because you lack qualifications to be president. Such reasoning is, in effect, the raison d’etre of all so-called “outside-the-Beltway” campaigns of recent vintage. However, to fully grasp why inexperience, incompetence and outright stupidity has such an emotional hold on Republicans in particular, you have to understand a core principle of conservative orthodoxy: intelligence equates with moral relativism. Which is why, after twice-electing a genuine, but fatally corrupt, thinking person in Richard Nixon, the Republican Party moved away from its historically pragmatic approach in search of imbecilic ideologues. Naturally, this paved the way for conservative extremists, who, while short on brainpower— or perhaps BECAUSE they were short on brainpower, were long on rhetoric and deception. Republican voters have stuck to “party principles” like maggots to rotting meat. When I asked one conservative I know a few years ago how they could possibly support such an obvious dullard as George W. Bush, they answered “Because I don’t trust the smart ones.”
"I am not a smart one!"
Ronald Reagan became the first of many unambiguous dimwits to animate the corpse of the conservative monster. Yes, with this post-Nixon strategy, the dwindling GOP intellectual fringe (historically held up by William Buckley, and arguably dieing when he died) has had to stomach gasp-inducing ignorance of foreign policy basics (e.g., Sarah Palin not knowing that there is a North and South Korea, or her hysterical notion that Sputnik bankrupted the Soviet Union). But, at least they knew their standard-bearer was not going wishy-washy on them (i.e., thinking hard ).
This scheme worked so well with Reagan, it naturally attracted other knuckleheads. First came George Bush Sr.’s running mate, William Danforth Quayle, who promptly displayed his latent stupidity in public at every opportunity. He and his supporters took bold stances against common sense, Murphy Brown (not even a real person), and spelling.
The country as a whole was not sufficiently stupid enough yet to actually tolerate a presidential campaign from the likes of Quayle. But after two terms of an intelligent commander-in-chief, Bill Clinton, the country was sufficiently demoralized (not by the notion that a president had sex outside his marriage, after all that has been fairly common throughout the history of the office even though in past administrations this kind of personal crap was not considered newsworthy, but rather because for his entire 8 years some kind of witch hunt was always in progress thanks largely to serial adulterers Newt Gingrich and his page buggering colleagues discussing oral sex on every news outlet and Sesame Street.
America was now sufficiently brain damaged enough to manipulate into complete and utter idiocy.
Enter Stage Right - George W. Bush, who, like Reagan, enjoyed two terms in office, despite beliefs in brazen poppycock such as Intelligent Design and in the whopper of all disastrous absurdities, that Saddam Hussein was not only Marshalling weapons of mass destruction to directly attack the U.S. (no, he was bluffing to deter his real enemy, neighboring Iran), but that he was also behind 9/11 (never let a good crisis go to waste, eh Mr. Cheney?). Only a true rube could ever believe such specious nonsense. And G.W. Bush – who exemplified the adage, “Never ascribe to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity” — fit the bill. The Republican Party loved him for it, bending over backwards to sanitize and “Hannitize” his many blunders, while selling his disinformation to a gullible American public, further brain damaged from the attacks of 9/11.
At last count, the Iraq Detour has cost this nation trillions of dollars (with more trillions to come, as this country rightfully must keep its commitment to care for wounded and mentally shell-shocked Iraq War veterans and their loved ones). It also cost the lives of 125,000 Iraqi civilians, and many times more than that who’ve been wounded or displaced by the Iraqi misadventure. All because of a lie and Americans’ willingness to either believe that lie or not forthrightly contest it. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the empirical cost of stupidity.
Ron Zombie
After the costly policy blunders of Bush, Jr. — for which this country is still paying dearly in lower credit ratings and draconian cuts in funding for parks, libraries, basic services, education, health, and more. Our current president has had to spend his entire term cleaning up this Republican mess. However, for reasons racial, political, and anti-intellectual (President Obama is too cosmopolitan, uses words that are too big, he is too nuanced, too calm, too Europe-friendly, etc), Republicans have aggressively sought to cut Obama’s tenure short placing brinksmanship far ahead of economic recovery or the best interests of the country. Fortunately, this time around they lack a bona fide, morally unequivocal, conservative with enough general election appeal to take Obama on. In this election, the 2012 "candidates" are not qualified to be scout leaders, or dog catchers. let alone be placed in charge of a nation with nuclear arms. Each hopeful successor to the Republican Dumbass Throne (the most coveted RDT) has proven so cartoonishly dopey as to offend even the intelligence of diehard Iowa Republican primary voters, easily the most unbending conservatives in the U.S.
Monumental Stupidity
Celebrating stupidity IS an American exceptionalism,
I sure wish we’d do the hell away with it.
There should be no pride in being deaf to reason,
and insisting that day is night is not a reason to hold your head up proudly.
Republican voters ought to be truly appalled by what
they’ve done,
We all know full well that supernatural powers come in many forms.
From the tingly spidey-sense of Spiderman, to the rubber limbs of Reed Richards;
from the ability to ingest mass quantities of illegal substances of Kieth Richards,
to the thunderbolt attack of Pikachu.
Superman, of course, has a plethora of them.
But nobody is said to possess more super powers than the God of Abrahamic religions.
Kryptonite can not even defeat his superpowers! Nope.
God pokes Adam in the eyeball
However it has come to the attention of The National Buffoon staff that there is more myth than pith to this P.R. campaign. For instance it is apparent he was unable to create mankind the way he had hoped.
It seems those he created in his image, the humans, turned out rather badly in his own view.
God decided to drown 'em all and try again...
maybe with skunks or squids as the dominant life form going forward.
His superpower of omniscience apparently failed as he did not forsee how mankind would turn out (or perhaps he's just fond of drowning people).
His superpower of eternal consistency failed next. He changed his mind, and didn't actually drown everybody, instead he decided not to start everything over after all. So much for eternal wisdom I suppose. Furthermore, it appears he is limited by the following paradox: Can God create a stone so heavy that he himself cannot lift it? If he can, then he does not have unlimited strength, but if he cannot, his powers of creation are limited. In Judges 1:19 -
it is revealed that Iron Chariots are this God's kryptonite. "Now the LORD was with Judah, and they took possession of the hill country; but they could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley because they had iron chariots.". This explains why God is also dismal at preventing car crashes.
Ok, it's not the devil, it's some actor. But he looks like the devil eh?
God's superpowers of perfect goodness and/or omnipotence seem to constantly fail.
Surely the universe could have been created without suffering.
Even morons like National Buffoon contributors could figure out how to give mankind freewill
while still teaching mankind to become good and attain salvation
(of course, contributors to the National Buffoon are not nearly as smart as they think they are...
although they do like to pretend that they are Gods from time to time).
For example, a perfectly wise and all-powerful being could certainly create a universe where each and every soul was led, through reasonably wise and compassionate teachings,
to redeem itself and earn a halo...
no matter how long it might take.
After all, God is without time, so there is literally all the time in the universe to save the wayward humans.
Either God was unable to create such a universe, in which case his superpower of omnipotence failed; or else he really enjoys giving Sudanese babies diseases which make them poop themselves to death or allowing GOP presidential debates to be televised over and over until mankind's IQ is diminished by 80 points. In this case the superpower of perfect goodness is an eternal big flop.
That's right folks, every sinner is and will be born with no choice of
escape whether they like it or not. I suppose Christians will argue that
Son O God offers some salvation if you follow the rules of one of
50,000 cults that claim to know just what this procedure is (It usually
involves giving cash to some guy with an awful toupee, wears a purple
dress, or some kind of pointy hat).
The rational man must eliminate wasteful thinking such as religions
In a universe created and ruled by an incompetent, impotent, or perhaps even evil God, mankind cannot even look to Superman, Bat Man, Bono, or Atom Ant to save them. God holds all the cards, and they are marked. Or does he? One can kiss ass and grovel in hope that they aren't one of the individuals singled out to die in cancerous agony and then be tortured eternally in Hell after that.
Or not.
What have you got to lose?
Forget this nonsense, live your life as best you can and respect others doing the same and chances are no different regarding being force fed your own liver by some horned demon concocted by some lonely tribesman who also believed that eating a shrimp or shaving would condemn your eternal soul...a guy who didn't have sense enough to stop wandering around in the desert thousands of years ago.
The universe will end in heat death regardless of whether or not you grovel and kiss holy butt.
The past is gone.
A mere memory that will disappear with your eventual demise.
The future is always in the future,
it never exists.
What about the present?
Well sorry, but I didn't get you one.
(Yes, all you have, all you really know, is right here right now in this very nanosecond.)
If a God really existed and had super powers as advertised,
why did he not use them to prevent Steven Tyler
from singing the National Anthem at a televised sporting event?
Certainly any decent deity would cure AIDS,
turn Russel Brand into a radish,
and bring lasting peace to the Middle East.
Alas the only super powers we can bear witness to,
are
continuing invisibility,
and the appearance of an occasional icon
on some toast, a crisp, or some stain in a men's room stall in Alabama.
Former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien discovers
that it's very hard to look cool if your in charge of the military
and you wear your helmet backwards.
"Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war."
- Donald Rumsfeld
"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace."
- George W.Bush
"The difference between Sly Stallone and me is I am me, and he is him."
- Arnold SchwarzeneggerPardon me, but your Freudian slip is showing
Sometimes we have what is referred to as a Kinsley Gaffe or "Washington Gaffe".
Telling the truth by accident.
When a politician says something inadvertently in public
which he or she privately believes to be true,
but which he or she would ordinarily refrain from saying publicly
since he or she believes the statement would be politically harmful or damaging.
The term comes from journalist Michael Kinsley,
who famously said, "A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth." He first coined the term in The Guardian on January 14, 1992.
"We are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we're going to succeed"
--Ronald Reagan
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
Former Vice President Dan Quayle, Sept. 15, 1988
"I stand by all the mis-statements that I have made..."
-The American former Vice President Dan Quayle
has been a leading buffoon for quite a while now.
The man was born with his foot in his mouth.
"I have no problem communicating with Latin American heads of state
- though now I do wish I had paid more attention to Latin when I was at school."
On another occasion he told befuddled Western Samoans:
"You all look like happy campers to me.
Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been,
and as far as I am concerned, happy campers you always will be.
Then he told passing mourners at a funeral to "have a nice day".
Margaret Thatcher once addressed a meeting:
"It is marvelous to be back in Malaya"
The only trouble was that she was in Indonesia.
Kenneth Clarke, the former Tory Chancellor,
while addressing a group in Consett in March, 1995
said
"At Consett, you have got one of the best steelworks in Europe.
It doesn't employ as many people as it used to because it is so modern."
(The factory had closed it's doors in 1980.)
As if that weren't enough to convince the people of Consett
that Clarke knew little of their plight and cared less
he further insulted them by saying...
"Consett is also one of the major centers for disposable baby nappies (diapers)."
That factory had closed down four years before Mr Clarke made the speech.
U.S. President Nixon landed at a Norfolk air base in the late 1960s
and publicly praised "Prime Minister Macmillan".
Harold Wilson was Prime Minister.
Even Brits, who are known for keeping a stiff upper lip,
must find it trying to stay in form on occasions like these.
A year or two later, Marshal Tito, the Yugoslav leader arrived at Heathrow,
walked straight past Prime Minister Edward Heath,
who had his arm outstretched in welcome,
and shook hands, instead, with his baffled chauffeur.
James Watt,
an oil company lawyer,
who Ronald Reagan sardonically appointed Secretary of the Interior
said he had formed an advisory group comprising
"a black, a woman, two Jews and a cripple - and we have talent".
Anyone not insulted yet?
The undefeated chump, er,chimp, um, champ...yes champ of course needs little introduction.
The Former President G.W. Bush
"The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." -- Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007
"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." --interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." --Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008
"And there is distrust in Washington.
I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town.
And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."
--interview on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful,
and so are we.
They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people,
and neither do we."
--Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
(watch the clip)
Bush also said
"You can fool some of the people all the time,
and those are the ones you want to concentrate on."
"The problem with the French is
that they don't have a word for entrepreneur."
(entrepreneur, is of course; a French word.)
HEY REPUBLICANS!
DON'T FORGET TO DONATE TO THE BUSH LIBRARY!
Dear Fellow Constituent: The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations.
The Library will include:
1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won’t be able to remember anything.
3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don’t even have to show up.
4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don’t let you in.
5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don’t let you out.
6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
7. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.
8. The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.
9. The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.
10. The Iraq War Room.
(After you complete your first visit, they make you go back for a second,
third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.)
11. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location,
complete with shooting gallery.
12. The Environmental Conservation Room,
still empty.
13. The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.
14. The Airport Men’s Room,
where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.
15. The Decider Room, complete with dart board,
magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.
The library will also include many famous Quotes enshrined on plaques by George W. Bush:
1. ‘The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.’\
2. ‘If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.’
3. ‘Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.’
4. ‘No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.’
5. ‘I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.’
6. ‘One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.’
7. ‘Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.’
8. ‘I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.’
9. ‘The future will be better tomorrow.’
10. ‘We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world..’
11. ‘One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.’
(during an education photo-op)
12. ‘Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.’
13. ‘We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'
14. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."
--GWB at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C.
PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!
Sincerely,
Jack Abramoff:
Co-Chair
G.W. Bush Library Board of Directors
Though we are all mere buffoons passing through the sands of time,
some are nothing more, passing gas and wasting time.
Wouldn't recognize a glimpse of truth if it fell on them.
They are The Buffoons Extraordinaire.
The Elite Republican Guard of trumpery.
The laurel wreath of subnormal ignorance rests proudly on their swelled heads.
Remember folks-
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
Fear And Loathing In The GOP America's dimmest incompetent xenophobes & homophobes seek to destroy the notion of democracy and make a few bucks in the process.
You have heard the old axiom "every nation has the government it deserves”. Sadly the truth of this is inescapably obvious today in these United States of America. Thanks to the lazy, ignorant, illiterate electorate a toxic brew of political incompetents, corporate lackeys, and self-serving money-grubbing douche-bags; so poisonous to our nation’s government, that it would seem beyond its ability to recover, now inhabit the halls of the nation's government. As we witness the current plague of rapacious circus clowns vying for the nation’s highest office we are inclined to willfully poke a sharp stick in our eyeballs to distract us from the pain.
A jab in the eyeball with a crudely sharpened stick is preferable to listening to any GOP presidential hopeful.
Regressive politics and ruinous political gridlock have left America virtually paralyzed. The collapse of the housing bubble/mortgage crisis continues, as does the financial meltdown that resulted. Incomes for 90% of Americans continue to lag far behind inflation; the middle class is destitute. The political forum ignores any serious issues such as dealing with climate changes, spiraling upwards energy and food prices, a rapacious health insurance system which continues to financially ravage the patients it portends to save, a disastrous trade policy, an ever expanding military budget that dwarfs the rest of the nations in the world combined, to name but a few.
Have you ever heard a more moronic comment?
But what are these assclowns concerned about? None of those things.They are worried about gays being included in civil rights guaranteed by a constitution they have never actually read much less understood , or the fact that some billionaire might have to pay more than half the tax rate a carpenter does.
The endgame is always some sort of advancement of an aristocracy over the notion of democracy.
I Don't Know About You, But Clowns Have Always Given Us The Creeps
2012 GOP Clown Car Transports Candidates, Pundits & the Zombie Corpse of Ronald Reagan to Hell.
This country absolutely doesn’t need any level-headed moderates or someone that is fluent in Mandarin like Jon Huntsman. Screw that guy. Good thing he dropped out! He’s a crazy Mormon like Obamney, all they want is to level up so they get their own planet to rule over. What we need are Jackass morons with shit for brains to address the issues that distract us from the reality of the dire circumstances our version of predatory capitalism has unleashed upon the world. "Dick" Santorum fits the bill.
Vote For Me! I'm a P.O.S.!
No really!
Here's the breakdown on the candidate: He is mentioned in the bible (the sweater vest of many colors). He is obsessed with battling homosexuality and seems to feel preventing gays from having weddings is the most important issue in the world.... which more often than not means he's struggling with his own identity issues as we have seen from previous conservative bloviating posers who spend their time denouncing gays such as 20$ Robert "Bob" Allen, Stall man Larry Craig, Richard Curtis, Mark Foley, and Ted Haggard, to name a but a few.
Rick Santorum- candidate...major wanker
He believes in a flat earth originally inhabited by Fred Flintstone and his dino-pals 6,000 years ago. He has some big flag pins that were made in China and like the current speaker of the house is known for crying. He has embarrassed his children and forced them to appear in his campaign ads as props. He was soundly given the boot in 2006 by his home district and removed from congress for generally being a worthless douche-bag embarrassing his constituents.
Rick's surname is synonymous with the combination of fecal matter, spermatozoa, and anal lubricants. (A feat unequaled by the other candidates!). What more could you want in a presidential candidate. Here you finally have a candidate who is a piece of shit both figuratively and literally! Seems to the National Buffoon staff he should be a shoe- in! Besides, he looks like he'd have a birth certificate and he isn't in one of those wacky non-christian cults like many of his opponents.
Santorum Should Be A Shoe-In For The GOP Nomination
In Town For The 12,058th GOP Debate...
Mitt Romney gets into a bar and orders a beer.
I’d like a Budweiser.
There you go, sir.
Romney looks shocked.
I never asked for that! I clearly demanded a Coors light!
The barman avoids a confrontation.
Here’s your Coors light.
Romney stands back.
I never requested this beer! I’m the kind of guy drinking a Guinness!
Michele Bachmann gets in.
Hi, sir. Do you have beers what are not owned by the government?
That would be all of them, ma’am.
I am thirsty. Give me 10,000 pints of your most patriotic beer.
The barman tries to remain calm.
What about I give you one pint, and we see from there?
Are you telling me what I can and can’t drink? You want to take my freedom away?
She glares at the barman with crazy eyes. He decides to ignore her. And Romney as well.
Herman Cain gets in.
Hello sir, I would like to order a beer!
Sure, what do you want?
I don’t know.
Do you want to see the list of beers we carry?
I don’t want to read, I want to order a beer, right now!
So which beer would you like to order?
I don’t know, I just told you!
The barman gives him the same treatment as the other two and sees Rick Santorum getting in.
Hello, my good man. I would like a beer.
Which one?
Oh, I don’t care, whatever you have.
One Bud coming…
But I need you to sign this form to attest that this beer has not been served, transported, made or harvested by homosexuals.
At the same moment, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich and Jon Huntsman gets in the bar.
The barman grabs his shotgun and shoots himself in the head.
Think about this...not too long though lest your head explode..."A third of the young people in America are not in America because of abortion". Huh? And just think how many youngsters are held prisoner in condoms.
Part One of this article featuring Mitt Romney can be found here:
The gourmet on your list will fully depreciate this gift!
Naked Legless Father Christmas apparently suffocated in a plastic bag.
